Graphic of the day

Do I have a coaster stuck to my butt or something?

Today was pretty short at work, which was nice. I gout out around 1:30 and got to come home just to partake in some drama I didn't expect and then fall into a 3-hour coma.
Just prior to fallin into such coma I had received a series of text messages from a certain family member who shall remain nameless (but for those in the know--today was his wife's birthday and she was taking the bar exam. Oh and his name rhymes with HEWEY. Hmmmm? Who could it be???). Well, I'm in a very uncomfortable position now because I'm thinking first of all--WTH??? WHAT would make him do that? I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving dinner and HELLO! Do I have a coaster constantly stuck to my butt or something that makes me look like a bar whore or someone who this would be acceptable to try this with??? Because let me tell ya--the married mens's...they like me. And it PISSES ME OFF anymore. It turns me off so much to see a man being disloyal to his wife.
Ok, that's the first dillemma, the second one is now what am I supposed to do with this crappy information? Maybe he was drunk and it was a fluke? Maybe he was stupid and realizes it and that's why he tried to call me later in the evening and didn't leave a message. Maybe he feels like real rat now for hitting on his wife's cousin/closest thing to a sister she's ever had. She has WAY TOO MUCH on her plate to need anything else so I won't be telling her. It was her birthday today, she had to take the bar exam, she's stressed about her kids health problems and moving and starting a new job, etc, etc.
I'm just ticked and put off by this. Oh well.
Other than that, my day has been quiet and blah. I'm really, super, duper, really, really tired. Lupus is flaring a little bit and stress is catching up with me. Not to mention that I've had to get up early every day--not used to that yet. This is all why I should be in bed right now. Actually, I AM in bed, I need to take it a step further and actually go to sleep. I think I will. I just felt bad for neglecting my faithful little blog friends for so long. I will be settle soon I promise! Love you all!



One day of getting up early and I am SO TIRED. Seriously, I'm such a morning wimp--and I have to do it every day this week AND next. Except for next Thursday that is, but that's only because they're making me work a 12-hour day on Friday. PHEW. I'm grateful, but I can't wait for the three-day weeks to start even if they are 12 hour days.


Project relocation, day 7

Here we are one week into this new life and so far so good (minus a few glitches that I have faith God will work out somehow--quickly please Lord. PLEASE.). The weather is nice enough right now to have the windows open and it's nice and quiet since Darren went home. We spent a quiet day together doing a little cleaning and organizing, but nothing drastic. My foot is slightly better, but is still not right. Thank you for all your prayers and support and if you wouldn't mind continuing to whisper a few prayers for those unspoken requests I mentioned above. Everything is going sweet and we even have a few weeks left before the girl comes home with all of her hormones, drama and mouthiness. Right now, life is pretty good. The only thing that could make it much better would be more money. :)

Project relocation, day 6

Phew am I tired! Today was a L-O-N-G but productive day! We had decided to take Darren home today because he's had a bit of an attitude and I'm ready for him to go bye-bye. lol Love him, but he needs to go now big boy!
Anyways, our landlord had informed us the day before that the plumber would be coming first thing in the morning to "tear out the whole shower so we can get new fixtures." Nice. Like the idea of new fixtures, but not the whole destroying what we just put together bit. True to their words, the plumber was banging on the front door at 8am and proceeded to saw and drill his way through the bathroom walls and plumbing for about 8 hours or so. He left us with a torn-open shower wall that he covered in plastic for when the "tile guy" comes to spend the day with us on Friday. Yay us.
In the midst of this I start getting ready to go for my pre-employment physical when Rachel texts me and asks if I want her to come get the girls while I am doing "work stuff." As I've said a hundred times, my friends are awesome and so thoughtful. She ended up taking them to a "little girls salon" here in town that is just for the little ladies and got the girls hair cut for school. Because it was Maddie's birthday, she got a tiara to wear and they both got colored streaks (temporary of course) and glitter spray in their hair. They felt so pampered and grown up it was so neat!
The girls got home and we sat here waiting for the cable guy to hook up our beloved cable, internet and phones. Well, we're STILL waiting. He used some excuse about needing consent for drilling a hole in the wall from the owners before he could hook up the phone and then refused to hook up the cable and/or internet until he could do it all at one time and said he'd be back Tuesday. TUESDAY! I was so mad--it wasn't pretty. For those of you wondering, in the evening I can pick up the wifi signals from the coffee house down the street and have been using that.
After dropping the girls off with Allison to spend the evening while we drove Darren home, we headed off for Cleveland. It was a fairly non-eventful trip with only one "bump" in the road--don't ask. We dropped Darren off (Phew again!) and then headed over to the old house to get some things we had to leave behind. Unfortunately, everything that wasn't locked in the house had been stolen and/or torn up. Our lawn mower and lawn furnite were gone as were our weed wacker and all of our potted plants. The bins and boxes on the back deck were dumped and things broken. We went inside and got what was left and then headed home. We picked the girls up around 2:30 and are now heading to bed.
This has been such a busy week my body is BEAT! I am exhausted and stressed. I've been breaking out in hives all evening and in the car my left foot started swelling up like a football! It's NEVER done that before and I can't figure out if something bit me or if it's because my body is just whiped out. If you look in the pictures I think you can see a bit on top of my foot maybe. I have a ton of misquito bites on my legs from the night we were moving in, so it's hard to tell if that's old or new. Either way, I'm heading to bed with my foot up on a pillow and an ice pack on it. Hope you all have had a much less eventful week than I have. Though Maddie said that this has been the best birthday she has ever had, so I guess it's worth it.


Project relocation, day 5

Today was SO MUCH better than yesterday! :) Today, in fact, was FABULOUS! It started with Allison sending me a text telling me that Rachel is busting butt to find a good school for my kids. I love my friends! Seriously, I have the BEST friends! Shortly after that, Rachel sends me a text asking if I could go to a school open house that evening at 6:00 because she thinks she found a really great charter school for them to go to.
I was SO EXCITED! I totally cannot verbalize how depressing yesterday was. This was just the news that I needed. So she calls and tells me all about this school and she's right, it does sound awesome. It's a school that was started by a Christian company, but because they can't teach "religion", they focus on morals and character development. GREAT!
At 5:30 she came to pick us up for the open house. She surprised the girls with gift bags full of school supplies, which was so sweet. :) The school is in a what would appear to be not-so-pretty neighborhood, but it's a historical district and is actually full of gorgeous old homes and little victorian parks. The school itself is a lovely old building that is so full of history and gorgeous antiques--I could sit in there for days and just take it in.
The program has so much to offer and I was so excited about it I enrolled them immediately! And get this--they only had openings with no waiting lists for 3rd and 6th grades. :) Coincidence? I don't think so. :)
The girls weren't excited at first about the school because as soon as their little ears heard the words "uniforms" and "dress code" they stopped listening and started freaking out. lol So now we have to get them uniforms, but I am very excited about it.
Later in the evening we went over to Allison's house so that Darren could mow her lawn (not as simple as it sounds! lol) and then came the REALLY fun part! Our family scurried home and I got the girls in bed. Little did they know that at midnight (when it officially turned Maddie's birthday), all of her new "Aunts" were going to show up at our house to help bring in her birthday.
Right around midnight Allison, Shawnda and Rachel snuck into the house and Allison whipped out a plate of brownies that she had baked. We stuck 11 candles in them and started up the stairs while singing "Happy Birthday."
Maddie was surprised and very excited to say the least and blew out her candles while making a wish for her new year. She opened gifts of Hoops & Yoyo things, a stuffed dog, a new camera and other little things and then we sat around drinking milk and grubbing on brownies. It was a really awesome experience and I don't think she'll ever forget it.
After tucking the girls back in, we settled in the living room for some relaxing, hillarious girl talk.
We laughed so hard we about peed ourselves until about 2:30 or 3 in the morning and then
everyone headed home and I headed to bed.
Today was a (as Rachel would say) really, really, REALLY good day. :)


Project relocation, day 4

Today was a rough day for me. I felt as if I couldn't get anything accomplished and I was so discouraged in so many areas.
The day started with me making all the necessary Monday morning phone calls to utility companies to get everything transferred into our name. I was on hold forever and dealt with several snotty people who made my life miserable. It seemed to set the tone for my whole day with some sort of black cloud settling over our house.
After dealing with the utility companies, I called the schools to see about enrolling the kids. I was disappointed enough to hear that our house was located just over the limit for the "good" school system and so my kids were stuck with the not-so-good system, but I didn't think it would be horrible because the schools near our house aren't terrible and they are within walking distance.
Well.... forget that idea because the lady on the phone tells me, "We are a choice district which means that it's all open enrollment. It's first come first serve for all the schools, I'll tell you what's available for those grades and you tell me where you want to go." She proceeds to give me names of available schools for the kids and only a few of them are the same is the first thing I notice. I really wanted to keep them together, especially in a new area since they are nervous. I started sending text messages to Shawnda and Rachel since I don't have internet and can't research the schools myself. They said they'd check on them for me, but we decided to pile in the car and set out to see the schools for ourselves. I had looked up the addresses in the phone book and we plugged them into the GPS then took off.
Our excitement didn't last long because before we knew it we were driving through downtown and out the other side of downtown to the ghetto. I could feel my anxiety rising and you could cut the tension coming from the kids in the backseat with a knife! When we found ourselves driving past crack dealers standing in front of a store called, "Gold 4 Ya Mouth" I was almost in tears and told the kids, "Don't worry, Mommy would not do this to you! You do not have to go here!" And we turned around and headed home shell-shocked. I was so devastated and was feeling hopeless. I wasn't sure what God had in store for our family, but I knew that couldn't be it!
Later in the evening I drove over to Allison & Shawnda's house so the kids could play with the dogs and I could use their internet. I hope tomorrow will be a better day.


Just wanted to drop a quick line to let everyone know that YES, we are still alive and YES we are doing well. :) Today was a bit of a rough day because I'm stressed out and getting a little overwhelmed, but overall things are very, very good...except that the air conditioning SUCKS and we are all sweating buckets despite the fact that the repairman has been out twice in the past few days.
On another note, I'm going through MAJOR internet withrawal. Seriously, I can't wait until Wednesday when everything gets hooked up! We haven't had cable, internet or phone since we've been there! At least I'm getting a lot done though.
If anyone's looking for a current prayer request it would be money (only until paychecks start rolling in) and schools for the kids. I didn't know that Dayton is a "choice school system" which means it's all open enrollment and first come first serve for whatever school you want. What this means for me is that ALL of the good schools are filled and the only ones available to my kids are 10 miles away, through downtown and literally in the ghetto next to a store called "GOLD 4 YA MOUTH". Not good. So there definitely needs to be major prayer going up about that! Thanks everyone and see ya Wednesday!


Project relocation, day 3

Today was a more quiet day than the first two since arriving. Everyone was busy doing their own things at home and getting ready for the work week which left us here alone to start delving through the mounds of unpacking that we had to do. I felt like I didn't get much done because I would get a few things done in one room and couldn't do more until I put some things away that belonged in another room, etc. So I'd do a few things in every room and couldn't see vast improvements in ANY rooms.
Allison called around 11:30 to say, "I'm in my pajamas but coming over anyways--you have to PROMISE not to let me stay too long though." lol Yeah right! She and Shawnda came over and we started unpacking some things for my bedroom and enjoying plenty of girl talk--before we knew it, it was like 2:30 in the morning and they had to scoot home. I actually went to bed right after that too believe it or not! I'm trying to work on the bedtime thing since moving here and starting to do slightly better--after all, 2:30 is early for me!

Project relocation, day 2

We were SO EXHAUSTED after a long moving day and even sleeping in didn't help rejuvenate us much. We got busy and back to work around 12:30 and tried to get the truck emptied as quickly as possible so that we could return it. By the time that was done we were all ringing with sweat again and dying from heat exhaustion. I kept telling the kids to pick a vent and sit in front of it to cool down because they weren't looking so good!

We got the truck returned and the girls showed up around 4:30 or so to help out again. And they surprised me with a sweet gift of some groceries when they walked in! Having friends close by is not only wonderful because of having your friends close by, but it's so wonderful to have a thoughtful support system in place.
I was working in the kitchen while Allison made us a spaghetti dinner (she's the only person whose spaghetti Ilike just as much as my own, by the way!) and Rachel and Shawnda decided to start attacking the girl's room—a very brave task as it was at least 100 degrees up there! They cleaned Courtney's room and got it all ready to go and then tackled the MOUNDS of "stuff" in the little girl's room. Even long after Shawnda gave up (she didn't feel very good) and came downstairs, Rachel stayed the course and sweated her butt off until the dresser was full, beds were made and the floor was cleared which was SO appreciated becuause I packed it all by myself and I KNOW how much stuff there was!

After the girls were bathed and in bed, we all gathered in the living room to tackle boxes and boxes of decorations. I knew that if I got even one room together I would start to feel more settled and peaceful--and I was right! It turned out great and I LOVE my living room now!
Around 2:30 or so in the morning everyone started to go home. I felt bad because Rachel had to teach Sunday School the next morning--something I couldn't have gotten up to do! She even mowed her lawn after church while I was still sleeping! pssshhhhh! lol The day was filled with a little blood, A LOT of sweat and even a few tears, but was worth the work to start feeling like we were more settled in our new house.


Project relocation, day 1

Today finally came! Moving day! We woke up bright and early to go pick up the UHaul and drove over with it to pick up Darren. After dropping me back off at our van, the boys headed home to start loading up while I went to go pick up Madelaine at her friends house.
Man was today HOT! Sweat poured out of us all as we busted butt to load up the truck so that we could hit the road. We were missing two moving assistants who had told us they would help, so it was just us and that stank! Especially for the guys because they had to really crunch everything in there tight.
By the by, if you're ever looking for a U-Haul, DO NOT believe what they tell you about the size of the trucks. They said this particular truck would haul a 2-3 bedroom house with no problems so I got it. I figured since we had hardly any furniture and no appliances we would be fine. No. Not only was the truck literally packed within every square inch of it's life, but so was our van...and we STILL had to leave behind a lot o things that we really didn't want to lose. It sucked but we were glad to finally be on our way around 3:30 or so.
When we arrived, Allison had got to our house a few minutes before us and was waiting with the landlord to welcome us. We were SO EXCITED when we rolled up! The site of the U-Haul in the driveway was AWESOME! :)
The landlord was super-sweet and between her and Allison they had a bunch of goodies waiting for us: cheese and crackers, a fruit cup, water, tea, and diet coke--all so very thoughtful. We loved the house right away, but noticed how stifling hot it was in there. Barb, the landlady, assured us that the air had been on for a few hours and that it would be cooling off any moment now. LIAR!! lol It never cooled off and actually got sooo much worse as we all struggled to get things unloaded. Before long, not only did I have my five people (we had picked up Amelia on the way), but my girls Allison, Shawnda & Rachel were there struggling through with us. We all had pizza and pop then got to work. I would say by about 1:00 or so in the morning everyone was fed up with sweating like pigs and called it a night to hit the showers and the hay. More tomorrow! :)

(Doing the "YAY we're almost there!" dance)



Graphic of the day



Tonight is a night of forced reflection. It's the last night that I'll ever live in this house, this city, this county, this region--you get the idea. It's a very bittersweet place in time for me because I know that I have a wonderful life coming to me--friends who really love me--but letting go has never been an easy thing for me to do. I keep reaching out for people that I love desperately--friends, lovers, loved-ones--without any responses. No responses to emails, no returned phone calls, sitting at empty dinner tables.
One of those people once told me that I "love with undeserved loyalty." I never saw it because I was happy to do it. If you fall onto my love radar, prepare to be fully loved! But tonight I'm feeling the weight of that. I'm so, so, so sad. I'm finally done making excuses for other people and why they don't love me the way I'm supposed to be loved, and it's a tough pill to swallow--the thought that after 35 years on this earth I'm leaving town without a soul caring aside from my beautiful friend Andrea and Scott's ex-wife Tami (it's sad that I'm closer with her than I am my own husband!). They were the only ones who extended themselves to do something kind for me and tell me that I am loved and appreciated and that I will be missed.
This was more than a brick in the "trust no one" wall--this was a whole story of bricks. From now on I will only love those who love me in return. I will be pursued instead of pursuing. The ones who really love me will actually find out what the inside of my new home looks like. Never again will I extend myself like I have in the past. I guess this is a whole new life in a way that I never expected. It hurts when you think people love you and realize that they don't. My mind is rolling over and over with lists of names--some friends, some family--some I've known my whole life, some for a few years--none of them even caring enough to say, "Good luck! I'll miss you!" What my flesh wants to do is send each one of them a big, "F*** You" letter, but I know that will quickly pass. That same friend from above also told me that, "anger is merely hurt unresolved." How true. This hurt is definitely unresolved and I don't know which is stronger right now, the hurt or the anger. This isn't what I expected my last night here to feel like.
Good riddance to all of you people who won't even know how I'm feeling because you don't ask, don't call and can't be bothered to read this. Good riddance.
Every new beginning comes from some other new beginning's end.

**update: Carl called me apologizing profusely and saying that he slept through it because of some medication he had to take. I believe him and I appreciated his call. I believe he's one of the select few that will actually keep in touch with me. I haven't heard from anyone else though.

The difference between my old life and my new life.

In my new life I asked a friend to go meet my landlord at our house and look it over to make sure it was ok. Instead of just one friend showing up, FIVE friends showed up. Allison, Rachel, Shawnda, Megan and Tyson ALL showed up--without me even asking. Just because they loved me and are excited about me coming to town.

In my old life tonight was supposed to be my farewell dinner--and no one but Andrea showed up and she's the one who drove me. Not Carl, Don, Wende, Kristin--none of them. Not even a call.

I know that lives can be busy and there usually are good excuses--but they could have at least made a gesture like a call or an email instead of having Andrea and I sit alone in a restaurant at a huge, empty table. I'm so looking forward to my new life where I love people and they love me back.

Friday five

  1. Well, tomorrow's the day! We pick up our U-Haul around 9am and then it's busy loading and moving!
  2. I can't believe what a jam-packed, stressful six weeks it's been! All of this not knowing and unsurety and now it's OVER. :) That brings tears to my eyes because it's done. I may not be crossing the finish line with no injuries, but I'm still crossing it. I'm falling over the line with scraped-up knees and bruised all over--but God still got me there, just like I knew he would.
  3. God provided a decent house with plenty of room inside for us and I'll have to share the story sometime of how it came about. Suffice it to say that even that was a direct blessing from God. He sent Landlord and tenant together at exactly the right time and in the right way--it was an answer to prayer for everyone involved.
  4. I got a voicemail yesterday from a friend that said, "You have plans tomorrow at 5pm." lol So I called her back and asked her what I was going to be doing today at 5pm and she said it was supposed to be a surprise, but she would tell me (because I HATE) surprises. She said several of my closest friends from work are taking me out for a farewell dinner and she would be here to pick me up at 5:00 (she's late btw as it is now 5:12!). I'll let you all know how it turns out. (I already did actually--I got stood up!)
  5. I've still never heard from Joleen. It has hurt my feelings more than she will ever know that she never came over and has never called again--not even to say goodbye. It was a final blow to our friendship and I'm really sad about it. I love her, but I'm tired of one-sided friendships.
Anyways, as you can probably tell, I'm posting this tonight instead of on Friday because I'll be busy and probably won't have internet until next Wednesay--unless I go over Allison's house to borrow hers. Pray for us and thank you for all of your support!

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