5.30.2012

Live the questions....


Have you ever wanted more?  I'm living that.    But don't I always?  Is this just another one of my wanting more moments, or is this my soul trying to tell me something more?  I want more.  I want what I saw in the glimpse.  I want the ground to move.  I want someone to understand me.  I want someone enamored with me.  To even love the way the I say bad words.  I want someone who sees the value in sitting and chatting until the wee hours of the morning simply because they value my company.  I want someone who feels passionately about things, namely me.  I want more.  I want more.  More than this.  Can there be more than this here?  Or is this all there is here?

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.  That is so hard, isn't it?

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.28.2012

Where have you been?


Sometimes in life you face things that are scary and then sometimes you face things that are really scary.  These past three weeks I've been MIA from blogging because I've been in one of those really scary places.  I really believe I was walking through the valley of the shadow of death.  I was there but I wasn't camping out.  I was doing my best to move through. 

Being on both Prednisone and Benlysta, I basically have no immune system, which means I have no ability to fight off foreign invaders or any illnesses.  That's bad enough for the normal person, but when you have as many kids as we have and when you're primary source of income is from being a nurse and dealing with sick people all of the time, that means I'm constantly walking through a minefield.

Whenever I get my Benlysta infusion, they always ask if I've been sick or been on antibiotics because if I have then I can't have my infusion.  Benlysta itself really doesn't have horrible side effects, but the main cause of death related to being on it is infection.  And that's because like I just explained.... being immunocompromised, if you catch a little infection, it's not a little infection.  It's like you're back in colonial times when they were being exposed to all kinds of new diseases and were dying by the bucket-fulls from plagues.

So this last time I went for my infusion, I wasn't feeling fantastic but I thought it was more because it was shortly after I was trying to recover from having been in the hospital with the new migraines and all the new medications and whatnot.  It was a few weeks of constant headaches and nausea, so I was just just feeling crappy.  But I didn't think more of it than that.  Little did I know, I must have had something more than that brewing at the time of the infusion because within just a few short hours after I came home, I was in trouble.

It started with just a little tickle in my nose that made me wonder, is that allergies or am I getting a cold?  Within an hour, I was full-blown sick.  Within one hour, my sinuses were clogged, my throat was aching, my left ear started throbbing & then clogged shut, then my right ear did the same, then I developed bronchitis.  No kidding, within ONE HOUR.  Bam.  I was down.  In writing you may not be able to appreciate how scary it was, but it was exactly that.  Scary.  And painful.  I called the on-call physician and told him about it.  He told me to monitor overnight & watch my temperature.  I had some leftover penicillin in the medicine cabinet so I didn't even wait, I started it immediately.  When I called him the next day to tell him it was only getting worse, he sent me to the doctor where I was put on more antibiotics. 

Fast forward a week and nothing was getting better, only worse.  I was still working because I had to.  I have no sick time left and so I have to be there if I want to pay my rent.  Needless to say, even though it was necessary, it was till stupid.  I had my follow up with the doctor on Monday and when she walked into the room, if you can picture me white as a sheet, broken out in a cold sweat, lips purple/blue and short of breath, leaning/propped against the wall, you can probably get an accurate picture of of what she was seeing when she said, "Oh my God!  What is wrong with you?"  I explained to her that I still didn't feel good and she immediately sent me off for more lab work and a chest xray.  Diagnosis:  double ear infection, sinus infection, bronchitis and now pneumonia

Yep, nothing was getting better and now I also had pneumonia.  Scary.  This is the stuff people with no immune systems die from.  I was given shots of antibiotics in my butt, more to take by mouth, nasal sprays, cough syrups, yada yada yada and told that if  in 48 hours my fever continued to go over 100.4 degrees, I was to report to the hospital.  Luckily, 48 hours later, my temperature teetered right around 100 or 100.2 but it wasn't 100.4.  Actually, there was a point where I came home from work and my temp had gone back up.  My friend Allison asked if I should go to the hospital and I responded, "No way!"  And she said, "Let me rephrase that, would your DOCTOR say you should go to the hospital?"  "Probably," I said.  I just can't miss work!  Doesn't that suck?  That we have to make the choice between paying our bills and being healthy?  Totally sucks.

Anyways, three weeks later, I still can barely hear anything out of my right ear and I'm still pretty weak.  But I feel considerably better and I'm definitely over the hump.  For the time being, they've put my Benlysta on hold until I'm infection and antibiotic free for at least 10 days because I was just too depleted and in danger/vulnerable.  That was a very scary place to be.  I'm too young for my children to be orphaned.  I'm doing every single thing I'm supposed to be doing...I'm taking my medications (even that stupid-make-me-fat prednisone), go to all of my appointments, etc.  I ended up crying out to God for mercy.  I've had enough for a while.  Not more than I can handle, remember?  Well I had really approached that limit.  I need a merciful break Lord, please.  PLEASE.  Enough for a little while, please.  PLEASE.

Needless to say, I'm back!  I have a lot to say that I just didn't feel like typing in the past three weeks!  So there will probably be a lot of posts in the next several days.  It's good to be back.  What do you think of the new blog look?

lurve you, xoxo v.

The Conversation....


Finally Lifetime television has put something on the air that is actually worth watching!  No offense Lifetime, but I haven't felt that you were worth watching for probably years now.  But this?  This has to be my new favorite show.  And by favorite, I mean FAVORITE.  I wish I could wrap this show up with a bow and give it to every single woman.  Every week photographer Amanda de Cadenet meets with different famous women in the comfort of their homes to have a conversation with them.  As they sit comfortable and barefoot on the sofa like age-old girlfriends, they discuss every important topic that real girlfriends would discuss such as body image, men, favorite sexual position, money, etc.  

It's wonderful!  This show is exactly what I was aiming for when I started inviting guest bloggers to post on my blog. It gets a dialogue going and we learn from each other.  We inspire each other.  I so desperately miss my girl-time and having been away from it for three years now, I have truly learned and felt what a vital part it plays in the life of a woman.  Women need other women.  Period.  And I don't have that here and it's affecting me.  And I miss it!  This show is fantastic.  I fear that the season is winding down now.  I really hope it comes back for another season because it really has been a fresh and real take on the conversations between girlfriends.  Love it!

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.27.2012

Stuck in my head....




"Lost Without You"
by
Robin Thicke


I love me some Robin Thicke and I really love this song.  This song just goes a long way to show how he is mentally on the same vibe as me.  Love it.  How there is not some big, bad baby making going on whenever this song plays, I will never know.

lurve you, xoxo v.

Homesick....

Two faces I miss so much that when I saw this picture today,
my insides immediately started hurting
and my eyes welled up with tears.

I have never been away from my immediate family so long in all of my life
and I am so homesick.

I wish there was something I could do about it right now.

P.S....

Michelle,  you look beautiful here!  You look healthy and tanned!

lurve you, xoxo v.

Just finished....

"The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven"
by
Kevin & Alex Malarkey

You know, even though this kind of thing fascinates me, I wasn't as crazy about this one as I was about the last one I read ("Heaven is for Real").  I just felt that it drug (or is it dragged?  I'm too lazy to check it out) on forever and really didn't give all that much information when it was all said and done.

My opinion?  Eh.  Mediocre.  Now don't get me wrong.... ANY information about God and Heaven is incredible and it makes me ache with anticipation to get there, but I think this just left me wanting a bit.

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.15.2012

Stuck in my head....



"Just One Touch"
by
Fellowship Church

There's this new song that we've been singing during worship at church and I love it.  It is really beautiful and speaks to my heart.  I thought I'd share it with you. I especially love the part that says, "And Just One Touch
Can Calm This Storm And Tell My Soul Be Still." I'll put the lyrics below.


Just One Touch
Can Heal This Life
And Change It For Forever
Just One Touch

And Just One Touch
Can Calm This Storm
And Tell My Soul Be Still
Just One Touch

So Mercifully Come To Our Rescue
Heavenly Father We Need You
We Are Nothing Without You Lord.

So I’m Reaching For Your Hands
That Wondrously Reached For Me
You Wondrously Reach For Me
Jesus

I’m Reaching For Your Hands
That Wondrously Reached For Me
You Wondrously Reach For Me
Just One Touch, Just One Touch
Is All That I Need, Is All That I Need.

 Just One Touch
Can Heal This Life
And Change It For Forever
Just One Touch
And Just One Touch
Can Calm This Storm
And Tell My Soul Be Still
Just One Touch

So Mercifully Come To Our Rescue
Heavenly Father We Need You
We Are Nothing Without You Lord
So Mercifully Come To Our Rescue
Heavenly Father We Need You
We Are Nothing Without You Lord

So I’m Reaching For Your Hands
That Wondrously Reached For Me
You Wondrously Reach For Me
Jesus
So I’m Reaching For Your Hands
That Wondrously Reached For Me
You Wondrously Reach For Me
Just One Touch, Just One Touch
Is All That I Need, Is All That I Need.

Show Me Your Glory, Show Me Your Glory,
Show Me Your Glory, Show Me Your Glory,
Show Me Your Glory, Show Me Your Glory,
Show Me Your Glory, Show Me Your Glory,
All I Need Is You To Show Me
Show Me Your Glory
All I Need Is You To Show Me
Show Me Your Glory
All I Need Is You, All I Need Is You.

So I’m Reaching For Your Hands
That Wondrously Reached For Me
You Wondrously Reach For Me
Jesus
So I’m Reaching For Your Hands
That Wondrously Reached For Me
You Wondrously Reach For Me
Just One Touch, Just One Touch,
Just One Touch, Just One Touch,
Is All That I Need


5.13.2012

Benlysta number 5....

Have I said lately that lupus stinks?  Because it does.  Okay, back to business.  I should have known something was up, because today almost as soon as the IV Benadryl was in and the infusion began, I fell into somewhat of a coma and didn't wake up until two hours later when it was all over and she was flushing my IV.  That never happens.  Little did I know that I was getting ready to fall into a nasty cold/flu/bronchitis type of nastiness that would make my weekend really miserable.  And scary.  If Prednisone and Benlysta both compromise my immune system and then I get sick, wouldn't getting sick be a very dangerous thing?  Yeah, it is.  So, the doctor said to take the day off of work tomorrow (*sigh*) and watch my temperature (how do I do that when I always have tylenol in me?).  Anyways.  It's hard to tell what are the Benlysta symptoms this time and what are the cold/flu symptoms. 

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.10.2012

4:44

I slept so restlessly that night  I woke up and checked my phone so many times but no one had called.  Then I woke up again around 6a.m. and the little red light was blinking and my heart sank.  With trepidation, I lit up the screen to see I had one missed call from my friend Wende at 4:44 a.m.  Instantly, my breath caught and it was one of those moments when your soul prays, but you have no words.  The Holy Spirit is interceding for you, because you are sinking but there is just nothing coherent to say.  I knew it was bad news because it was Wende, but I knew that it was so bad I needed a covering of grace because the time was 4:44.

I've only ever shared this with Paul, and I hope the anointing isn't taken off of it because I share it, but you see, there's this little thing the Lord and I have going.  It's one of those games that we play.  Let me explain.

A few years ago, I noticed that I kept glancing at the clock when it was all the same numbers SEVERAL times that day.  I mean a lot.  So much so that I prayed and said, "Are you trying to tell me something Lord?  Is this a sign of some kind?"  Well, when it kept happening, I made a deal with God and said, "Lord, I'm seeing this so frequently that I'm going to choose to believe that it's coming from you for some reason.  So, unless you have something different to tell me, I'm going to consider it a little love note from you every time I see it again.  And please know that I love you too."  Since then, seriously, I see the clock on the same numbers a majority of my waking hours every day.  And it's not like I sit waiting for it, it is genuinely a coincidence that I will glance at the clock at that particular time.  And when I do, it always makes me smile knowing that my Heavenly Father is sending me a love note and saying, "I got you.  Don't worry.  I love you."  And I always respond with, "Thank you for loving me Lord, I love you too."  So.... when I saw that a call came in at 4:44 in the morning, that's where my heart went.  This is going to be a bad call, but don't worry, I'm here for you and I love you.  He was going before me and He was in the midst.

Sure enough, it was the call to say that Don had passed.  Grief immediately shrouded me and sobs escaped.  I shared a few short sentences with her, felt for the end button and then fell to my knees and buried my face in a bath towel and bawled. 

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.07.2012

Truth....



lurve you, xoxo v.

Family, friendship, fate and forever....


This morning the sadness in my heart can hardly be detailed.  I have wept all morning because I have lost someone so dear to me.  My friend Don was a person who changed my life in so many ways.  He was a soul-friend if you can understand that.  And now he is gone and my heart is broken.  He fought that cancer long and hard, but this morning at 6:40, he finally went to see Jesus.  The worst part about living this far away now is that I can't be there for the funeral or to hug his wife.  I couldn't be there to say goodbye to him and that's one of the things that hurts the most.

Donald Keith Wisniewski, you were a beautiful man.  Our friendship was as true as any friendship could be.  You taught me, you corrected me at times, you helped me, and most importantly you adored me and laughed at my jokes. I love you friend, and someday I will see you again.

lurve you, xoxo v.

This is a blog that I wrote about him back in 2006 and I believe still beautifully sums him up........

3.04.2006


D


I just finished watching the movie "My First Mister". It was a movie that my mom had gotten from Netflix and really, really wanted me to watch. I've had it for probably more than a month and I could just never get in the mood to watch it...until tonight. It was a tough movie to get through for the most part. Until towards the end anyways. It's about a girl...somewhat misguided, depressed and alone. It's about an older gentleman...somewhat misguided, depressed and alone. Both very different. Both have forgotten how to be young and alive. Through a course of events their lives end up colliding together and they become friends. Best friends. By the end of the movie I was sobbing because all I could see in these characters was my dear, dear friend Don. I've given him many nicknames..."Dapper Don", "Don Juan", "Big Daddy Don", but mostly I just call him "D."

Don and I are a very unlikely pairing to be good friends but you know, that's how my life tends to work. God tends to bring people into my life that are different than me most of the time. I think it's so that I can learn from them and they from me. Perhaps so that I can know myself well enough to accept someone into my life who fits like a glove when the time is right. :) Anyways, Don & I have been on a long road together. He's one of the core people in my life. We have a relationship that's so difficult to describe unless you've had one like it in your own life. But I'm going to try. Out of all my guy friends I can without a doubt say that Don is my best friend. He knows everything about me... and I sometimes get the lectures to go along with my decisions lol (hence the big daddy nickname). He gives me advice. Good advice. He is so full of wisdom. We talk about everything from music to sex to the Bible. He is a protector, he laughs at my jokes, he is a prayer warrior, he is an encourager and he's a good example. He's been married for almost 30 years and he adores his wife...... he is a godly man that has shown me exactly what I should be looking for. You know, I have seen these qualities in other friends but the one thing about Don & I that is different is that there seems to be a divinely inspired affection between us. I know, I know...that is really hard to understand. It's so hard to put into words so bear with me. lol I love Don so deeply and affectionately...yet totally platonically. Have you ever known someone that you just absolutely adore and would do anything for if you could....you just love them more than the mountains, more than forever. Not in a romantic relationship kind of way, just in a kindred spirit/soul friend kind of way? Actually, I'm guessing that it's what a healthy, thriving father-daughter relationship would feel like. I can usually tell by looking at a woman whether or not she had a father that adored her. She glows. She is happy and healthy and has a quiet confidence about her. It's the same "look" that women of Christ get. Have you ever seen a woman who just has Christ pouring out of her? You can just tell. Well, that's how I feel about Don. It's like he is a friend that my soul has known since the beginning of time. When he hurts I hurt. When he was going through chemo, I got sick. He is probably the closest that I will ever come to feeling that healthy father-daughter thing on this earth.

He always talked about how he thought it was fate that brought us together as friends. His mother's name was Veronica, a baby girl that he and Cindy had lost was named Veronica....and now there's me....the little thorn in his side. :) When we met we were both in periods of our lives that were defined by upheaval and change. Sadness. And it's like God used our friendship to remind us of the beauty in our lives. Don reminded me that there are godly men out there that are kind, sincere, gentle, protecting, funny, loving, etc. We became friends right around the time that I started dating Jesus....a time that my soul was in desperate need of restoring. I wrote in my other blog about the way that God used Jesus in my life. He reminded me that I was beautiful. Well, God used Don (and still does) to remind me that I am young and that life is full of hope. He also used him to teach me to like myself. No one can like me until I like myself and Don has taught me that all of the little things about me (things that for years I had been condemned for by the evil one) are wonderful parts of me. Because of Don I am no longer afraid to sing. He has a beautiful singing voice and I used to sit next to he and Cindy in church and he would just belt out those songs as loud as he could. He would lean over and whisper in my ear to make a joyful noise! God is in love with my voice, who cares if it's out of tune? SING! And so now I do....I sing. In that adorable little off-key way that is mine and all mine. He thinks it's hillarious that I'm clumsy. Just the other day we were working together and I asked a really stupid question and almost immediately caught myself. He just smiled and giggled and said "that's why I adore you...because you're so human!" Years ago my spirit was so beaten down that even I would've beaten myself up over saying something so stupid, but now I just smile and roll my eyes. I took what he said as a compliment. I like that I am human. I like that others see me as grounded and down to earth. And I appreciate the parts of me that are oh so far from being perfect.

He says that I remind him of his wife when they first met.....which reminded him just how much he enjoys her company and how much he loves her and it made him excited to go home to see her everyday again (they had been in a really rough patch and it sure is easy after many years to forget who the person is that you look at every day isn't it?). One time he actually thanked me for helping to save his marriage. He said, "suddenly I remembered who my wife was and I looked at her for the first time in a long time as the young, beautiful girl that was so full of life that I fell in love with....and that can get you through a lot." He does have a lovely wife....she's awesome.

He found out a year or so ago that he has cancer. It knocked the breath out of me when he told me. I wept for my friend. I prayed him through chemo and radiation. He's prayed me through lupus flares and guy troubles. I can't imagine losing him. He says he's too busy to get sicker so I shouldn't worry. lol "I have a wife to take care of and kids to get through college. My boy is getting through seminary!" His work is like a two-edged sword. On one hand I'm afraid he's going to work himself into the grave. On the other hand I think it might be just what's keeping him going. He's so proud of his family and just wants to take care of them...it gives him a reason to get up every morning and keep on chugging.

At the end of "My First Mister" the girl plans a small intimate dinner for the people closest in their lives....he's dying and it's kind of a last get together sort of thing. It's very emotional and touching especially when he asks her to dance. I cried and cried. After they dance they sit back down at the table and she proposes a toast. He had always gotten on her case about the fact that she used the "f" word too much (boy I sure can't relate to that at all!!! lol). So she made a toast to all the "important 'f' words. Family....... Friendship....... Fate........ And Forever." They just stared at each other with a look that spoke a thousand unsaid words. And with tears in his eyes he mouthed back to her the word "FOREVER".
 New Years Eve

 Looking through the glass

 his crazy tie-dyed scrub top

 cheers my friend....
to you.
Forever.

Donald K. Wisniewski
November 10, 1954 - May 7, 2012

Just finished....

"Heaven Is For Real"
by
Todd Burpo

I was excited to read this book because I've seen this family on tv before and it was such a fascinating story and seemed so genuine.  Then I saw a ton of different reviews that were all raving about it, so I was super-excited to read it.

This book was a very easy read.  I read it in one afternoon.  But regardless of how easy it was, it was still a great little book.  I loved reading all of the details about Heaven and Jesus.  I particularly loved the bit about how he always compared pictures of Jesus and none of them were ever "right," and then he finally saw one painted by a young girl that also claimed to go to Heaven that finally received his stamp of approval.  I found myself staring at that picture for quite a while, mesmerized.  Is that what the face of my savior looks like?

I have always been intrigued by near-death experiences and stories from "the other side," and this one is not just interesting, but I think even more interesting than normal because it comes from the innocence of a little one.

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.06.2012

It's all the hands....


As a nurse I've been present at the passing of many, many patients.  Sometimes we knew it was coming, sometimes it was quick and tragic but none of them were lost on me.  There are too many to remember all of their names and I don't even remember all of their faces at this point, but they have all left an impression on my soul.


Many people don't like to think about the nitty-gritty details of nursing because they can be unpleasant.  But the way I feel about it is.... how humbling and sacred those moments are.  It's easy to forget about it in the moment, but truly, what a blessing it is to be able to care for someone during the most intimate moments of their lives.  We see the real moments.  The births, the sick, the bleeding.  We hear medicated confessions to sins a person would normally never admit to and we help a person who is weak clean themselves after going to the bathroom.  And we are there when people die. It doesn't get more intimate than that.  That's hallowed ground.  As a nurse, I get to be present at the most vulnerable moments of a patient's life.  I don't take that for granted.

Over the years, the faces and incidents tend to blend together, but there are some things that I never forget.  Such as the time I cleaned up my first dead body to get ready for the family to come in and view.  I know that sounds morbid, but it didn't affect me because it was a horrible experience, it affected me because I remember her hands.  As I was washing her and cleaning her, I remember that I was speaking to her (sometimes out loud and sometimes in my mind).  I was wishing her well and hoping that she knew Jesus.  I was thanking her for letting me have the privilege of taking care of her.

Then I got to her hands.  Sometimes in life, you know when you're in the presence of a true God-lesson because it's something that to the outside world might seem simple, but it's something that resonates so deeply in your soul that it never leaves you.  

I was so struck by her hands.  Within a second, my heart felt her lifetime.  I held her hand and I just looked at it.  I turned it over and I looked at her palms, her fingertips.   Then it hit me.  God used this one single moment to teach me the eternal lesson of the humanity of my patients.  They are not just "old people."  She was a woman.  In her old, wrinkled, now deceased hands I saw the lifespan of a woman.  Images shot through my mind's eye of those hands as a chubby, tiny baby.  Then a young woman reaching out to grab her diploma.  Of a shaking hand held out to have a wedding ring placed on it.  Hands holding her husband as they made love, then embracing her child.  These were not just the feeble hands of an old woman, they were the hands that had seen her lifetime.  Every moment of her life were summed up in the wrinkles and lines of those hands and her aged skin.

That moment changed who I am as a person, a woman and especially as a nurse.  From that moment on, I saw every patient differently.  Every old man who has trouble holding his bladder or walks unsteadily with his walker.... what was he like as a younger man?  Young and independent.  Proud.  Would he ever imagine himself in such a vulnerable position?  From that moment on, I began to see nursing as a ministry.  It was now my job to minister to these people.  I was not above them.  No, it was my job to wash their feet.  That's what the Lord spoke to my heart.  Wash their feet.  Humble yourself and love them as I would love them.  Give them back whatever small amount of respect you are able to give them.  They are human and you should have seen the life they've lived.  Serve them.  Love them.

And I got all that from her hands.  It's all in the hands.

Happy Nurses Week


lurve you, xoxo v.

5.05.2012

Happy Nurses Day 2012....

Nursing is one of the biggest gifts 
I have been given in this life.

It has blessed me, humbled me and 
delivered me to a better, safer life.
I have ushered souls into Heaven
and held the hands of those grieving.

I have witnessed love,
and I have fought for those 
unable to fight for themselves.

Nursing is certainly not easy,
but then again,
nothing that is worth it ever is.




 


Dirty mind....


hehe....
lurve you, xoxo v.

5.04.2012

The Manifester....


As I travel down this road of life, I have learned certain things about myself.  Some things I want to pretend I don't know, but other things I like and some things just are what they are.  For example, earlier today while I was out at Target, I tried many times to lie to myself and pretend I wasn't going to stop at Jack-In-The-Box when I left the store, but let's get real... we all knew I was going to.  Even as I was backing out of my spot and steering the car toward the drive-thru I was thinking that maybe I would head home and eat something "healthy."  Then I pulled through and ordered a Deli Trio Sandwich (one of my new addictions, might I add). 

One of the other things I have learned about myself is that when the muse moves, I'd better be ready.  Because if I don't act on whatever I'm inspired to do, I become a woman possessed.  I get a vision in my head of what i want or what I feel something should be and then I don't rest until it happens.  I was once called "The Manifester" because I tend to manifest things.  I just make them happen.  And I know you've heard me say a million times that with Google and a credit card I could run a small country (and it's true). 

I started my first blog in 1995.  Most people didn't even know what a computer was or have one in their home, let alone have a BLOG back then.  I wanted one, so I figured it out and did it.  I didn't like that I kept buying these cheap smelling candles and knew I could make better-quality ones.  So, I googled "how to make your own candles" back in 2001 and figured it out.  I researched and taught myself and ended up opening a rather successful little candle business.  I still get rave reviews about my candles!  I taught myself how to create my own website and created all of my own graphics.  I then had so much fun making the graphics, that for a short time I had my own graphics business.  The problem is that it's hard to run all of the above full-time businesses when you're also a full-time R.N. and mom.

One of the other problems with having this as part of my personality is that it makes me rather impatient at times and WAY too independent.  Not because I don't need the help, but because I don't want to WAIT for someone else to help me.  Take today for instance... the deal was that if I sold the old appliances from our last home on craigslist that I would use that money to buy some much needed patio furniture for the back yard.  I have had a vision of what that patio needs to look like from the minute we first entered this house!  And believe me when I say, I haven't rested on this issue since!  My mind races and races.... where would I put things, what colors would I use, where could I string party lights, what kind of candles would I put on the tables, etc etc etc.  So, I sold the washer and dryer, which gives me just enough to buy an inexpensive set of furniture that I saw on sale.  Okay, so let's go!  No, I DON'T want to wait until this weekend when you'll have more time.  Let's do the damn thing!  Believe me when I say that I would strap the stuff to my back and haul it home like a pack-mule if that were a viable option.  It is KILLING me having to wait on someone else with the muscles and the truck to do this for me.  KILLING ME.  But alas, here I sit.  Wanting to get this done.  Of course, my mind has been racing, wondering if I would look crazy if I hired a handyman to get it here faster or paid the $60 in shipping to just have it delivered to the house.  Okay, yes, that would look bad.  So here I sit.  How can I manifest awesome things when no one will cooperate with me?

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.03.2012

Guest Post: Who's That Girl?


If you read my first blog here on “Not Even a T-shirt” then you know that Veronica and I became friends 27 years ago in spite of the 80’s haircuts we were sporting at the time. But just who is that girl who has all kinds of crazy stories that you may or may not want to hear about the V that we all know and love???

Well, allow me to introduce myself.  My name is Allison.  I’m a 40 year old first time wife and mama, and I couldn’t be happier than I am right now!  Believe me, if you knew just an inkling of my background, you would see why I’m so thankful and how so much of my life is evidence of God’s amazing grace, mercy and love.  But that’s a whole different blogging subject… (“Imagine the Possibilities” ~ right, V?)

I graduated from Cedarville College back in 1994 with a double major in Spanish and Bible, and an emphasis in missions. A year out of college, I got a job as a high school Spanish teacher at Dayton Christian High School.  Teaching was never really a planned part of my career goals, but God clearly lead me into it and I ended up loving it much more than I ever dreamed that I would.  One of the absolute best parts of my job at DCHS was the 15 years that I had the privilege of leading a high school missions trip to an orphanage in the Dominican Republic.  To say that that trip changed my life is quite an understatement.  In fact, that trip and the lessons that I learned along the way helped to define my life.  Those were truly unforgettable experiences!


After several years of wondering if God would ever answer my heart’s cry and wondering if there really was someone out there for me….I finally got married at the age of 38 on July 16, 2010 to a man who is just perfect for me.  My husband, Jon, is one of the most easy going, selfless, hard working, sentimental guys that I’ve ever known.  I couldn’t have picked a better man who is more suited to love me, balance me out and be my life partner.  I thank God for him every day.  (And I thank God for not giving me the other ones that my heart really thought were right for me.  Jon blows all those other losers out of the water!!)


 In April of 2011, Jon & I found out that we were expecting a baby!  Pregnancy for a 39 year old woman was definitely not a walk in the park, but in the end, it was well worth it!  On December 28, 2011 we welcomed our baby boy, Jacob Neil, into the world.  He was two weeks early and he was just a little guy, weighing in at 6 pounds 2 ounces and 19 inches long.  Words can’t describe how that moment forever changed who I am and how I see the world.  I am so immensely thankful that God has given me the blessing of such a sweet little boy.  Being a first time mom sure has had its peaks and valleys and the past four months have definitely been a learning process, but I’m so grateful for the wonderful blessing of being a mama.  I wouldn’t trade it for the world!


 And that brings me to the present.  After Jacob was born, I retired from teaching and I am now blessed to be able to stay at home with my baby.  My husband works as an elementary school music teacher, so we are definitely not rolling in the dough, but God always somehow seems to provide exactly what we need…and He teaches us a whole lot about faith in the process.  I’m so happy being a stay at home mom!  It’s truly the best job I’ve ever had in my life!  Not that I didn’t enjoy my other jobs, but being at home with my baby and helping him grow and experience the world is much more rewarding than anything else I’ve ever done!  In many ways, it’s the hardest and scariest job I’ve ever had as well.  When I think about all the responsibility that being a parent entails, it makes me even more inclined to be dependent on the leading and guiding of my Heavenly Father.  Only by His grace…

P.S.  In the middle of typing that last sentence, my baby rolled over for the very first time.  It’s a happy and proud mama day…and I’m so glad that I was home with him to experience it with my very own eyes.





  

Guest Post: Naked Truth: Things I can't post on Facebook



Things I can't post on facebook: 
It was so hot today that when I got home, my undies were soaking.

this is not me, neither I nor the author of this blog know this person. 
This was found in a google search for "swamp butt"






Truth....



lurve you, xoxo v.

5.02.2012

Just Write: Whooshing....



The headaches they roll on.  Always some state of headache.  And even when the headache is not there, the whooshiness is.  That's what I call it.... "whooshing."  That's what my brain feels like.  The room doesn't spin, but my brain feels like it's doing the hula. 

I've missed six days of work now.  Unpaid, of course, because I have no sick days left after everything else that has happened in the past year.  I'm trying not to stress out about it too much though, because it'll all work out.  It has to, there are no other options. 

Certain things I eat make it worse, but it never fully goes away.  The other night I woke up at 3:30 in the morning (just like the first night) with overwhelming nausea and room tipping sensations.  I took some medicine and tried to ride the wave until everything subsided.  In the hospital, they medicated me to the hilt in order to make me sleep.  They said that sleep is what would help.  So last night I decided to try the same thing.  I took a big valium, my ambien, and neurontin.  I know most people wouldn't be afraid of this, but I am.  I'm not a pill taker and certainly never mix pills like that.  But last night I was desperate.  Sleep.  That was the word of the night.  So, I took my three-pill cocktail, all the while praying, "Lord, please don't let this Anna-Nichole-Smith me or Michael-Jackson me.  Please don't let me die tonight."  I'd hear back in my gut, "You have given patients way more than this at one time, you'll be fine."  And I'd respond, "Still, please don't let me die from an overdose."  Then God simply said back, "Okay."

With that I felt Paul's strong arm reach over and pull me close into the nook.  He kissed the top of my head before drifting off into dreamland and I did the same.  Sweet, deep sleep that may have helped my head a bit.  I still woke up all whooshy, but not in horrible distress.  And I didn't die, which is always a plus.

lurve you, xoxo v.

This was written to connect with the Just Write project from The Extraordinary Ordinary
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