5.10.2012

4:44

I slept so restlessly that night  I woke up and checked my phone so many times but no one had called.  Then I woke up again around 6a.m. and the little red light was blinking and my heart sank.  With trepidation, I lit up the screen to see I had one missed call from my friend Wende at 4:44 a.m.  Instantly, my breath caught and it was one of those moments when your soul prays, but you have no words.  The Holy Spirit is interceding for you, because you are sinking but there is just nothing coherent to say.  I knew it was bad news because it was Wende, but I knew that it was so bad I needed a covering of grace because the time was 4:44.

I've only ever shared this with Paul, and I hope the anointing isn't taken off of it because I share it, but you see, there's this little thing the Lord and I have going.  It's one of those games that we play.  Let me explain.

A few years ago, I noticed that I kept glancing at the clock when it was all the same numbers SEVERAL times that day.  I mean a lot.  So much so that I prayed and said, "Are you trying to tell me something Lord?  Is this a sign of some kind?"  Well, when it kept happening, I made a deal with God and said, "Lord, I'm seeing this so frequently that I'm going to choose to believe that it's coming from you for some reason.  So, unless you have something different to tell me, I'm going to consider it a little love note from you every time I see it again.  And please know that I love you too."  Since then, seriously, I see the clock on the same numbers a majority of my waking hours every day.  And it's not like I sit waiting for it, it is genuinely a coincidence that I will glance at the clock at that particular time.  And when I do, it always makes me smile knowing that my Heavenly Father is sending me a love note and saying, "I got you.  Don't worry.  I love you."  And I always respond with, "Thank you for loving me Lord, I love you too."  So.... when I saw that a call came in at 4:44 in the morning, that's where my heart went.  This is going to be a bad call, but don't worry, I'm here for you and I love you.  He was going before me and He was in the midst.

Sure enough, it was the call to say that Don had passed.  Grief immediately shrouded me and sobs escaped.  I shared a few short sentences with her, felt for the end button and then fell to my knees and buried my face in a bath towel and bawled. 

lurve you, xoxo v.

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