Snow in Phoenix!

Today at work, I had to pull my car 
over to take a video of the snow!  
It started as hail, but quickly turned into fluffy white snow.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Revisited: "I'm 33 For a Moment"

Something in therapy today made me think of this post,
so I went back and looked it up.
We were talking a bit about how I'm
made up to be a passionate person,
who might fall hard sometimes,
but it's because I live big.
I said, "Hey!  I actually wrote a blog on that a few years ago."
So, I'm reposting it here.  A little blast from the past,
it was originally posted 4/17/06.

I can feel it happening day by day and let me tell you, I love the process. I am in awe of the process. The process of healing is what I'm talking about. I'm in awe of what happens in this life...of what God does...if you just allow the processes to happen. And some processes don't even need our cooperation! Sometimes they happen whether we allow them to or not. Look at the human body! Hearts beating, breathing happening, cells regenerating, cycles of hormones, thoughts, memories, desires, impulses.....even sleep. If I looked at any one of you right now and said "SLEEP!"....you wouldn't be able to. You could only lay down and relax and give into the process. Same with having an orgasm if you think about it. If you're too tense, thinking about it too much, sick, etc....you won't be having one anytime soon. All you can do is try to make the circumstances right and give into the process...and if you're lucky, you'll get lucky.

The Bible talks about walking through the valley of the shadow of death. It doesn't talk about staying there forever. When you've been going through some tough stuff the only way you'll stay there is if you fight God step-by-step and insist on staying there. If you give into the natural process you will...eventually...move out of the valley. And that's what's happening with me. I'm moving through...and amazingly quickly might I add. I have no doubt that the difference has been blogging. Some people may tire of reading about all of my emotional ups and downs and all I can say to them is....TOUGH! lol If you don't like it you can surely find another blog to read in this blog-heavy day and age. I'm not writing for you anyways!

I was watching tv today and a woman being interviewed was talking about how we need to "go for it! Because you only have about ten seconds before you become just a whisper." Wow. So true. And I have to say that even subconciously I usually live by that creed. Whether I like it or not, whether you like it or not lol, I've always been a very passionate person. I love hard. I mean hard. When I love, I love all the way. My loyalty is fierce and I will go to any length to protect my loved ones and also to make them feel important. Unfortunately, as I talked about in my last blog...everything has an equal but opposite reaction....which means I hurt just as hard as I love. It's just like going to Cedar Point and climbing onto their newest, tallest, fastest roller coaster. In order to get the most thrill you have to have the tallest hills. But tall hills mean long drops. And don't forget about all of the twists and turns and the little tiny hills that give you lots of air time where you just seem to be floating. That's my life. I could choose to live a safe life. I could choose to deny my nature and the personality I was made to have....but what fun would that be? Why would I choose to be the old-fashioned cars that only drive around in circles under shade trees when God created me to be a roller coaster?

Personally, the highs are worth the lows to me. I know that there will never be a low that I can't handle. There will never be a valley that God doesn't walk me through. Honey, I have been through WAAAAAYYYYY too much in this lifetime..... the only thing stopping me permanently is death. And even that doesn't scare me because I know where I'm going. I don't look forward to the lows by any means, but I know that I will be okay. It takes time for the process to take place, but time heals all wounds...and I will be okay eventually. I'm like teflon for bitterness.....it tries to hit me but slides right off every time. LOL And praise God for it! :)

It made me think of the song "100 Years". It talks about the different stages of life and how you're only at that stage but for a moment. How true. Just a few moments ago I was 16. Another moment ago I was holding one of my newborn babies in my arms staring in amazement. And another moment ago I was on my knees on my living room floor in the middle of the night in sheer despair while listening to my daughter tell the detectives what her step-dad had done to her. That was over three years ago now. And we're doing great. Time marches on. The train comes down the hill it just climbed up. And eventually the ride comes to an end. When my ride comes to an end I don't want to say, "man I wished I had just let go and enjoyed that more!" No. I want to have my eyes open in wonder. I want my hands up in the air, sometimes screaming on my way down the hills...but knowing that I felt every second of the ride.
lurve you, xoxo v.

Viva la Veronicaisms....

Therapist brought up the fact that although 
she finds it charming & she enjoys it,
(ummm, helllloooooo, how could she not?)
I seem to have my very own vernacular.
Little Veronicaisms that are all my own.


They've been celebrated many times
on this blog and by my friends.

Sometimes I don't realize people outside of my "circle"
don't know what the hell I'm talking about
until I see the puzzled look on their faces.

Some of the things have just come naturally to me,
like "Up theirs" (his/yours/hers/everyones)
or "It's all about the kitty".  

Some I have stolen from friends,
like "Shit the bed," "B'GAWK" (although Maribel never remembers
saying that 20 years ago and doesn't take credit for it, so I guess it's all mine),
"Bullroar" (instead of bullsh*t),
or "Big ass dog!  BIG. ASS DOG!"

Many are from my kids.  Just because they're retarded but oh so fun.
Such as "Dook".
As in "I feel like dook."

Many, come from movies I love.
As a matter of fact, maybe I'll work on a mandatory viewing list
for my readers, so that y'all can get the references when they're thrown out there.

I'll start with Friday (all three of them)
("You ain't got to lie Craig!", "Damn Felicia, you betta get on!", "Man, you KNOW I want some koolaide!", "Dang!  Y'all ain't NEVER got two things that match!", "You know how WE do!", "PIMP DOWN!"),

Juno ("Well!  We've gotta get you healthy!", "Silencio old man!", "Geez Banana, shut your freakin' gob!"), 

Elf ("I love to smile.  Smiling's my favorite.", "Bye Buddy, hope you find your daaaad",
"Buddy the Elf, what's your favorite color?", "Ooooooo, VERY sucky!"), 

When Harry Met Sally ("Pecannnn Pieeeeeee"),

any of the Chris Rock stand-up specials ("You know you did it, jus' admit it!", "Oh helll no! No lef' turns from now on, muthafucka", "Cracka ass cracka!", "Wanna hit her, can't hit her.  But you can shake the shit out of her!",

the Eddie Murphy stand-up where he
was in the red leather outfit.  Remember that one?  ("These ain't no ORDINARY Ritz crackers!" or "Damn baby! Tha's nasssssty!),

National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation ("That thar's an aaaaarrrrrvee."), 

The Hangover ("Using of the Rogaine, check"),

any of the Madea films or plays ("Helllerrrrr").

Okay, this list could go on FOREVER. lol

lurve you, xoxo v.

Just Finished....

"Sarah's Key"
Tatiana De Rosnay

Really, really liked this book.
It lost a little speed and interest for me
about two-thirds through,
but overall,
I loved it.

lurve you, xoxo v.


"Life is a process of becoming, a combination of states we have to go through. Where people fail is that they wish to elect a state and remain in it. This is a kind of death."

~Anaïs Nin

lurve you, xoxo v.



Harry Burns: I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

lurve you, xoxo v.


And He Shall Reign Forever and Ever....

This made my heart smile,
and after this week of tragedy we've had,
my heart needed a good smile.

I'm a sucker for a good flash-mob,
but usually they're all about the dancing.
This one took me by surprise.

Can you imagine the day when everyone around you is praising Him?

It also made me reflect on how you never know who is around you.
No one knew who would be standing up to sing until they actually did.
Makes me reflect on how you never know
what song a person's heart is singing by just walking by them in the mall,
or driving by them,
or reading their facebook status.

Look at all that praising that was going on inside of people.
You just never know.

xoxo veronica


Damnit, just stay.

How many times in this one little lifetime will I be rendered speechless with grief?  How many times do I need to be blindsided by tragedy and heartbreak?  I'm not saying that in a "whoa is me" type of way really.  No, if you look at it, it's a legitimate thing.  Shit just doesn't stop happening.  And before anyone out there makes some snarky comment about it maybe being karma, be careful where you point that finger, my friend.  Everyone has some karma coming, so don't be so quick to wish it on someone else.

But I digress.

Sunday evening, my heart broke.  Something I never saw coming came.  I thought this news was as bad as it could get that day.  It was pretty shocking and sad at first, but I slowly began to get a grip.  My breathing eventually slowed, and then the tears slowed.  I began to get talked off of the ledge about it and be able to begin being slightly optimistic about the future of my family.

Then, as usual, I was sucker punched.  Again.  As usual, I never saw this coming.  This time, my heart shattered.  I was blinded by a mixture of fear, panic and rage.  Who knew that one little sentence over a text message could start such a landslide?  The words, "You need to take me to the hospital."  I never again want to read those words.  Especially not right on the heels of already earth-shaking news.

I immediately raced home to gather up one of my little ducks.  My little duck who is sick.  Not physically sick, but so overwhelmingly heart-sick, that it made her not want to hang on anymore.  The words I said as a plea to her when she was a sick little newborn.... "Just stay....."   well, she's held onto her end of the bargain so far.  There've been many times I was afraid she would go, but she's always held on.  Well, Sunday night, her heart became just too flooded to hang on..... and she tried to go.

Just when I think there aren't any more ways to break my heart, I am proven wrong.  I was so conflicted with a  desire to just love her, and a desire just as strong to be mad at her.  For the first time ever, and hopefully the last, I discovered what it feels like to have your crying move beyond tears or even sobbing and be overcome with wailing and weeping.  I screamed, I cried, I cussed and wanted to punch things.  I was overwhelmed with fear and love and rage and panic.  The thought of all the ways I have fought for her over her whole lifetime... to keep her safe, healthy, happy, avenged, loved.... and she was trying to go out like this???  By taking two hands full of pills??? NO!  DAMNIT ALL!  NO!!!!  I WILL NOT STAND BY AND WATCH THIS HAPPEN.  DEVIL, YOU WILL NOT GET MY GIRL!  AND DAMNIT COURTNEY, I WILL NOT LET YOU DO THIS TO YOURSELF!

I knew I needed to love her, but at the same time, I was raging.  I was devastated.  I reacted all over the place.  Whoever got in my way these past few days has received a part of my reaction.  I have displaced anger everywhere and the grief comes and goes. HOW can she not know how loved she is?  HOW can she give up so easily?  And for WHAT?  HIM?  Doesn't she know how wonderful she is?  How beautiful and amazing she is?  How valuable she is?  Doesn't she know?  How can she not know?  Somehow, she doesn't know.

But today she is doing okay.  She stayed.  I can't ask for much more than that at this point.

xoxo veronica


Not for the squeemish

 You want the clean version or the dirty version?  Cause let me tell you, the clean version isn't all that clean either.  Today my little girl had her heart broken.  Again.  This is by the same guy who just a month or so ago, took me out to eat and poured his heart out to me telling me how badly he had messed up in the past and how he would never do anything like that again.  Begged for my forgiveness and understanding...yada yada yada.  As is the case most times when men are begging for mercy..... THEY'RE FULL OF SHIT.

Yeah, shortly after that meal, he pulled out a beautiful diamond ring and asked her to marry him.  And she said yes.  Today he came and said he "changed his mind."  To say she was distraught is an understatement.  So is saying that I handled it with any kind of grace.

Because I didn't.  Soooooooo didn't.  Here is what I left on his facebook.  Yes, facebook.  Kids these days (and most adults) function in facebook reality.  He wouldn't answer his phone (where I left him a voicemail that would make what I had to say on his facebook blush), so I wanted to publicly shame him at least a little bit and make sure he was very clear on where I stood and the damage he had done.

You miserable motherfucker! HOW DARE YOU BREAK MY DAUGHTERS HEART AGAIN!!! You piece of shit! If I were a man, I would drive to Tuscon & kick your ass myself! Didn't you sit me down a MONTH ago & swear you would never do this again??? Fuck you.

Not one of my proudest moments, but yet it felt so good.  Bastard.
xoxo veronica


I think I'll stop, rest here a while....

I'm finally starting to decompress and this is the scary part to me.  In the past month when things have been so stressful for me, then the whole breaking up and finding another home thing, it was time to put my game face on.  Time to armor up and be strong & stoic.  You know, through that whole ordeal, I never cried once.  I almost did a few times, but after the initial shock of it, I was totally eyes straight forward, get the job done.  That's easy for me.  That whole, chin-up lipstick-on thing.  Collin used to say to me, "You don't always have to keep your chin so much higher than your heart, you know."  And I don't.  Not anymore.  But when the times call for it, it's easy for me to slip right back into that zone because that I know how to do.

These past few days though, I can feel myself coming down.  Down from the stress, down from the trauma, down from the need for heightened senses and awareness, and that leaves me feeling sad, tearful, shaky, lonely and vulnerable.  Now, instead of merely feeling like I'm safe in my new fortress, I'm also realizing that means I'm alone.  It leaves the reality of all of the sad things that have happened bouncing around on my heart.  It leaves me realizing that once again, I need to leave my stained life soaking in God's grace.  It also leaves me less capable of handling new stressors because the armor is off.

Darren is in a bad place lately and to say he is being vile is such an understatement.  I have had to delete so many abusive, filthy voicemails and texts that I've considered getting my phone number changed.  Changed because of my own son.  I even let a few other people listen to one this morning so I can have a witness to the fact that I'm not exaggerating about how nasty he is being.  The problem is that a few weeks ago, it would've just rolled off.  Today, my heart is broken over it.  I am feeling everything like it's in technicolor and that sucks.  This I'm not comfortable with or good at doing.

I'm weary.  I'm tired from walking.  I need a break.  I normally don't allow myself that because it feels like a luxury.  Isn't that stupid?

"All I Can Say"
The David Crowder Band

xoxo veronica


Stupid picture of the day.....

....that made me laugh so spontaneously hard that I almost spit out my pumpkin pie! lmao

xoxo veronica

It needs to be said....

I'm not putting up with verbal abuse
even if you are a family member...
or my child.

Be nice or leave me alone.
xoxo veronica

Emma quote of the day

After saying something crazy,
Courtney looked at Emma and said,
"Emma, are you high??"
Emma looked shocked and said,
"No!  Drugs are for losers!
Test me, I'm clean!"

xoxo veronica


You count the fish....

I was reading tonight on one of my favorite old blogs a story of how four of the women in the family meet at dawn for a Bible study.  This time they were talking about John 21, where Peter says he's going fishing and a man on the beach they knew not was Jesus told them to cast their nets on the right side of the boat and they did and their nets were so full of large fish (153 to be exact) that they could hardly bring the nets in...and then they knew without even asking that the man on the beach was Jesus.

There are so many things to gather from this verse. One person might want to be more passionate and impetuous for Christ, like Peter, and jump out of the boat without thinking and run for him.  Another thing I take from it is when Jesus asks Peter three times ,"Do you love me?"  That's a question that's been asked of me often lately (by the Holy Spirit).  I have a new burden for people and for forgiveness than I did before.  And when the old me creeps up and wants to flee the scene, I hear, "Do you love me?"  Because to love Him means to love his people. 

The most powerful thing I took from this story though, was when one of the women pointed out that there were 153 fish in the net.  153.  Someone had taken the time to count the fish (no doubt it was Peter).  They counted and saw how many so that they didn't even have to ask, they knew it was the Lord. The net held that many large fish...and yet it didn't break.  The Lord held it intact.

One of the other women, who has had a rougher life, has her pictures scattered over the table and she looks at them wondering, "what do you do with all this?"  Then she says, "You count the fish."  "You pull in the net of your life and you see that even though you felt you were ripped open, you didn't actually tear, so there's much in your net.  And you actually count them.  You make sure to count the fish.  So you don't have to ask because you know.  You know it is the Lord.  You count every single grace that he gave you through the long, dark night and you see that there are far more than 153!  There is a feast!"

There have been times where I have felt ripped wide open and I thought for sure all was lost.  I was lost.  But I wasn't.  My net held.  Not only did it hold, but it held full of fish.  And today on this my favorite day of the whole year, even though I have to work, I will still be taking the time to begin counting the fish.  Because I am blessed, and there are plenty.

Thank you Lord for being my provider and my protector, for being my Abba Father and the pursuer of my heart.  Not only have you kept my net intact, but you have filled it with a multitude of fish and I am grateful for every single one of them.  You are holy and I adore you.

xoxo veronica


I'll make the most of it, I'm an extrordinary machine....

Holding a grudge can sound so yummy sometimes, can't it?  Boy, when someone does us wrong, especially really wrong, it's so easy to dig our heels in and sit in our big pile of righteous indignation, determined to be angry and most of all make them pay.  We take it on as our job to debt collect from them and maybe, just maybe (but probably not), someday we might let them off the hook and forgive them.

Actually, I can't imagine living that way.  It is so toxic to be so bitter and I'm just not built that way.  I mean, I can't say that I don't hold a grudge toward anyone... the devil gets out of prison in one year (omg) and I hold plenty of grudges toward him.  I don't even know if it can be considered a grudge because it's so big.  And I definitely hold one toward the wasband because of the way he took such advantage of me.

Other than that though, I'm kind of like teflon... the stuff just doesn't stick.  If someone does me wrong, I may not ever have the same kind of relationship with them, because boundaries change and new rules are established but my gosh, I would rather have peace than debt collect off of that person for the rest of my life!

I think I'm just hard-wired to have rose colored glasses and to give the benefit of the doubt.  I always seem to default to the train of thought that you never ever know what someone was going through at that moment in their life that they chose to trespass on the good nature of your life.  Also, you never know what works God is going to do in that person's life.  How do you know that the way you react to what they did isn't going to affect them in a way that is so big that it will be life-changing for them?  And then it's a ripple effect... they start doing good things and it touches someone else and then someone else and then someone else.

What they do is their karma, how you react to it is yours.

Over this last week where I've had trouble in my dating life and had a few major shake-ups (what else is new at chez v?), I have been reminded of this because of the number of people who have actually given me grief about trying to be peaceful with Paul.  He's not a monster.  He's Paul.  He's a man who did a shitty, shitty thing.  He hurt people emotionally and he changed relationships forever.  But should I walk around with a demon on my back determined to hate him and hold a grudge?  Frankly, that's a rhetorical question, because I don't care what you think (shorry boo).  I refuse to stop in my tracks.  I refuse to get stuck in a critical, judgmental, hateful place of being.  That's not who I am.  That's not who God is.  And I believe God.

And with all this being said, I have to say that I also believe God when he says that where mercy is shown, mercy is given.  Let me tell you, I have screwed up so many times.  Sometimes little and sometimes big.  I had to think about it for a minute, but I'm pretty sure I can honestly say that I've never screwed up with malice.  I mean, I never did anything to be mean or to purposely hurt anyone else.  I know that sometimes it did anyways, but... well, just but.  To those I have hurt, I say I'm sorry.  My heart to yours, I am very, very sorry.  I'm banking on what God says and that maybe I will be shown a little bit of mercy along the way.

Even to my favorite stalker...I always wonder whether you're curiously amused by me, or full of viciousness.  My little stalker visits me all the time.  She comes to my site from everywhere that my name is mentioned.  I sometimes think she does nothing to earn those high-paid Department of Justice bucks but to sit and Google my name.  It's okay though, it is what it is.  Some call it stalking, she calls it keeping in touch.  I have to say though, that this morning my phone rang with a Cleveland number and I let it go to voice mail because I thought it might have been my stalker calling to tell me I needed milk.

“The quality of mercy is not strained; 
It droppeth as the gentle rain from heaven 
Upon the place beneath. It is twice blessed- 
It blesseth him that gives, and him that takes.”
~William Shakespeare

"Extrordinary Machine"
Fiona Apple

xoxo veronica


Quick update....

Okay, since I'm EXHAUSTED and
I don't officially have internet yet,
but one of my kind neighbors does ;)
I'll give you a very quick update.

Here's the short of it....

Paul convinced me after months 
of being a great guy to move in with him.

I finally agreed.

It was great....
for a few days.

By day seven,
he was sulky and giving me the silent treatment,
and telling me the best way to get along
was to"stay away from him
& learn how to keep my f***ing mouth shut."

I slept on the couch after telling him that if he didn't
fix himself and QUICK
that I would be leaving.

I don't think he believed me,
because he just kept escalating.
As if he thought he now had me where he wanted me,
so he could behave how he wanted.
His excuse was just that he had a rough week,
had lost his job,
had a knee injury,
therefore he could act as nasty as he wanted.

Nah.  Brah.

By day nine he was screaming like a tyrant,
cussing, calling me vile names...
all in front of my kids, mind you.

So, after I started packing my things
and sent my kids to someone's house for safe keeping,
I ended up calling the police
as soon as I started hearing glass
shattering, meaning he was starting to break
my dishes because he was mad that I was going.

They didn't arrest him,
but just their presence and intimidation was
enough for him to snap back to himself
and he was pretty much peaceful until I finished 
moving out a day and a half later.


How is it possible for someone to FLIP so quickly????

I guess this is the first time I can say
Thank God for post traumatic stress syndrome!
(*laughing* kind of)

I recognized this crap as soon as it started happening,
and pounced on it.
I can't say I acted all that great in the process,
because I didn't.
I acted a fool.

As someone once told me,
my defense mechanism is VORACIOUS
(and that person hasn't even seen me CLOSE to where I was at this point!).

Paul told me today that he's never seen
a woman stand up to him the way I did.

I told him it takes a big man to pick on little girls,
and I will never cower from him.

If he's gonna squish me with all six-foot-nine,
350 pounds of himself,
he's gonna squish me to my face....
but I'll be damned if I continue living under the same roof as him.

So, thank God for my parents,
because I had just sunk all my money into that house
(yep, kiss THAT goodbye).

I can say that tonight
we are going to sleep in our new home,
that's quiet and peaceful.

We don't even have a towel unpacked,
and I have to work in the morning,
but we're here.

Amen and amen.

xoxo veronica


On a scale of 1 to Chris Brown, how angry am I getting?

What do you do when someone else is having a shitty week,
and they take it out on you?

Not just take it out on you,
but act completely stank and obnoxious to you.

This is my dilemma.

If you leave every time someone treats you like shit,
you'll never have anyone left in your life.

I'm a firm believer, though,
(and I know that I'm probably in the wrong)
that some behavior just shouldn't be dealt with in a 
gracious, all-is-well, you've had a shitty week, I get it kind of attitude.

No, sometimes people need a 
good slap upside the back of their heads
and told not to EVER act that way again.

What if the person doesn't respond though?
What if they don't respond to any of it?
Not even the sweetsie attitude.

They just want to keep acting foul
no matter what,
feeling entitled to act foul 
because of their shitty week.

Well, I'm here to say...


Approach determines response
and the response you are going to get out of me is
NOT going to be pretty.

xoxo veronica


The good news and the bad news....

It's been a rotten week so far.
MAJOR kid problems with Maddie.
Please pray for her y'all,
The Devil's working on her hard
and she's such a baby to be 
playing with such grown folks business.

It's been pretty difficult and ugly 
around here for the past day or so,
hopefully I finally got through to her
at least a little bit.

That's all the bad news.

The good news?

My pretty Corki comes home tomorrow.


This makes my heart very, very happy.

I can breathe again.

xoxo veronica


Stuck in my head aka my new anthem

Happy Days are Here Again/Come on Get Happy
originally sung by
Barbra Streisand
Judy Garland

but here sung fantastically
the GLEE crew!

xoxo veronica


Rawwwr! Fear me!

Question for ya.
What do you look like when you're at home?

This me up top there in that picture.

As soon as I walk in the door, I walk straight to my bedroom,
take off my shoes and put on comfy clothes.

On days where I don't feel like washing, blow-drying, flat-ironing my hair,
I simply throw it up in pig-tails and bob's your uncle.

The reason I ask is because Paul made a comment yesterday that made
me tilt my head, raise my eyebrow and say "hmmmm?"

He gave me a few compliments (as he usually does),
but at the end, followed it up with a "Hmm?  What was that you say?" moment.

He said, "Oh I think you're beautiful.  
Your hair is a good cut to compliment your face shape,
I love your body and your curves,
the little bit of makeup you wear is just enough to compliment your features....
and even without makeup,
you're soft and beautiful.
I've seen you with your pig-tails in your hair,
and.... eh, okay.
I can deal with that.
Would I want to go to the mall with you looking like that?
Probably not.
But I guess around the house it could be acceptable."

'Scuse? What's that?  Pardon?
Wait, I couldn't hear you, take the silver spoon out of your mouth first.

"...could be acceptable"?
You had to live in a spoiled little bubble if you think
women should look pristine at all times
and should never go somewhere as FANCY *JAZZ HANDS*
as the MALL without their coif perfected.


This whole thing struck me weird in several ways.

First of all,
"could be acceptable...."
since when do I need to make sure what
I wear is acceptable to anyone but myself?

Oh yeah, I DON'T.
I could really care LESS, my friend, what you think about what I wear.
If I want to die my hair hot pink and pierce my nose,
you will just chalk it up to my adorable, quirky little personality.
Them's the rules.
It's in the Bible.

Second of all,
Wouldn't be seen in public with me like that???
Ummmmm, my first thought to that was,
"Then you can leave your ass at home!"
It also made me want to start wearing
simply as an "up yours!"

you guess it would be acceptable to wear them around the house???
How do "normal" people lounge around the house?

Oh, okay.  I understand.  I got you boo, don't even trip.

You expect me to be one of those women
who wake up earlier than the sun in order
to shower, put on full makeup, do full hair and don something cute to wear
before you ever crack open your crusty eyes and scratch your stinky butt
so that you'll never have to look at me as less than perfect?

One of those women who are all,
"My man has never seen me naked or without a full face of makeup.  EVER."

Let me just respond to that honey....


Shorry boo.  Not ever gonna happen.
ever.  evaevaevaevaeva. eva!

I don't think he necessarily meant it as I took it,
but still.  Boy is he in for a rude awakening!
The first time I wake up with bedhead lookin like Chewbacca,
with my cowlick stickin all up.
*belly laugh*
That will be fun.

xoxo veronica

Product Crush

Feast your eyes on my latest product crush.
This stuff is awesome.

It's called Solar Recover.
I even linked to it up there! *gasp*

You all know that I am a bona fide lotion addict.
Well, it's been even worse since I moved to the desert where my skin remains parched, 
so I'm constantly on the prowl for some new moisturizing high.

So far, this stuff is fitting the bill.
The thing is, it's subtle.
The spray is very fine. 
It's actually more of a fine mist than a spray.
And it kind of feels like water when it goes on.
I mean, it's not greasy or oily or anything.
It's lightweight, and almost nonexistent....
yet it works.
I haven't had to put lotion on in a few days 
because this stuff is keeping my skin hydrated.

LUV it!
xoxo veronica


Too cool to link

As I posted the previous post about the book I just finished, it occurred to me (as it always does) that I never link the picture to Amazon or anything.  The problem with that is that would be so expected.  I mean, everyone does that.  I'm just way too cool to link.

Eh, who am I kidding?  We all know I'm just way too LAZY to link!  I got no shame in my game, I own it.

So as usual, nothing new going on here.  Unless, of course, you want to here about stuff like... Maddie got her braces tightened the other day.... and I had bronchitis and have been battling for it to not turn into pneumonia (I think I'm winning)... and my neighbors are retarded.

Ugh, yes, the neighbors.  They've been here for about a month and have just been a nuisance since they arrived.  First it was their inability to clean up after their dog (a cardinal sin of apartment living) and at one point there were at least TEN piles all around the bottom of my stairs.  Yeah, NOT okay.  Now it's that their door constantly SLAMS as their bad kids come in and out all day.  These are the same kids that left a rainbow of CRAYONS on the stairs in the afternoon Phoenix sun the other day and made waxy, colored soup all over the stairs... that they didn't clean up!  Who does that?  I mean, the Lord knows my kids can do some stuff (especially when the boy was little), but I always felt mortified about it, apologizing and cleaning it up as soon as I found out about it.  These guys?  Nah brah.  Nothing.

Which.... is one of the reasons I would like to M-O-V-E.  Oh, I like it here good enough.  There's something to be said for having maintenance men and pool boys...and a gym (that I never use) and a great pool & great room, etc etc etc.  BUT, at what cost?  I want space & privacy and I want my kids to be raised around people who are a tad more settled into a dwelling than some of these apartment dwellers.  The thought of a big, fat house with wide open spaces (and no stairs to climb simply to get in the front door) is very enticing.  Of course, when I moved here, I got rid of just about EVERYTHING, so I have no idea what it is that I would be furnishing this big, fat house with.  Especially since whether now or later, I'm sure Paul would be moving in with me and (don't tell him I said this because it would hurt his feelings.  Okay, I know this because I already told him and it DID hurt his feelings) his belongings are kind of.... um..... choosing words.....choosing words..........  yeah, there's no polite way to put it.  They are blatantly outdated.  Wow, I think that was a gracious way of putting that.  Yeah, his taste level just makes me close my eyes and suck in my lips while shaking my head nooooooo.

Like I said, didn't go over so well.  Which, okay, I totally do NOT get!  WHY would you not understand that the bedroom furniture from the 60's or 70's that you inherited is outdated?  And when I say we would need to buy a new fridge, WHY would you have a panic attack & kind of lose your shit a little and say, "But I have a perfectly GOOD one!  What's wrong with it??"  (Said refrigerator is harvest gold and wheezing/on her death bed as we speak).  I have only two words that will suffice here.....

Oh Lord!

Keep this under wraps though because like I said, he's SUPER sensitive in this area.  He might skip my goodmorning text again because he's all hurt about his 1990 entertainment center with the smoked glass doors that I said I thought was a little out of date.  It's like he sees these pieces of furniture as pieces of self.  Like instead of saying, "I think you need a new fridge", what he hears is "Paul, I think you suck as a human being."  So I'm trying to be nice and compassionate and help him work through his hurt feelings by trying to, um, *cough, cough*  COMPROMISE.

Yes, you heard it right.... compromise.  ME.  And he wants more more more.  He has NO IDEA who he's dealing with and what blood he's getting from a turnip already!  I even agreed to keep one of his dogs.  Yeah, I know.  I broke out in a cold sweat just typing that one.

So let's recap... if and when this ever happens, I have offered to keep (at least temporarily) really, really, really bad furniture (A LOT of it), a dog and possibly even a bird (oh gosh, I can't believe I even went there).  You know me!  I'm not even trying to live in your petting zoo.  I think he needs to talk to some people who know the real program and he needs to get there, because he has no clue how much that is for me to offer.  And truthfully, I'm about to renig on the whole thing.  I'm about to say, "you know what?  You want to think I'm selfish and unwilling to compromise?  Then I will just do what comes natural to me and say, NO!  There will be NO animals in the general vicinity of ME. And NO! we will not be bringing along  ANY home furnishings or appliances that are not from this century!  Etc etc etc.  Ugh.

All that venting aside, I think it would be great to be in a house, and all the other positive things  that go along with it.  He's a great guy and he brings a lot more than old furniture (and pet hair) to the table.  He brings a plethora of good as well, which is why I've been willing to compromise.  But how much is too much?  How much is enough?  Ugh, this is foreign territory to me.  Compromise. Pshhhh.

xoxo veronica

Just Finished....

Okay, good news.

Well, to be fair, I didn't looooove the book,
but I did like it. Alot.

You know what it is?
I think it's because it was a book of little
short tid-bits, kind of like little blogs inside of a book,
not one long story.

I think that's what I needed,
because lately I can get a little 
ADD with books and by the middle I'm just like,
"really book?  I mean really?  *sigh* Come ON!"

So this was exactly what I needed.
And she's funny too.
I like her wit.

Thumbs up!

(Hey Rita, have you read this one?)
xoxo veronica



It's OCTOBER! It's OCTOBER! It's OCTOBER! It's OCTOBER! Good riddance September!!! :)

xoxo veronica


Sanctified imagination

I sit staring; transfixed.

I'm fascinated by history,

but it always seems at arms length,

not up close and personal.

Photos in their grainy, sepia forms

are hard to use your sanctified imagination on.

You know, where if you close your eyes,

you can smell the smells, see the light and colors, hear the sounds.

Well, today I came across this website.


These are photos that were taken between 1909 - 1912 in Russia.
A special technique was used where 3 black & white prints of the same photo

were taken, and then combined with different red, green & blue 

filters & re-photographed to provide a life like result.


That's all I could say.
They are SO lifelike and it's hard to believe that

they were actually taken a hundred years ago.

The colors & textures drew me in & for the first time, maybe ever,

I can fully realize that whether one hundred years ago,

or two-thousand years ago,

grass looked the same, flowers looked the same, dirt looked the same,

sitting by the lake felt & smelled the same.

You should really check out that website and look at these pictures.

I know I'm kind of a dork when it come to this kind of thing,

and that many people are like *yawn*, but I was left in awe.

xoxo veronica
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