Random shit that I love tonight....

What's ironic is that I'm really in a pretty peaceful mood,
and not in a potty-mouthed mood at all,
and yet, I'm attracted to all the potty-mouth pictures tonight.
*shrugging shoulders*
Oh well.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Just Finished....

"The Rules According to Jwoww"

I love her, but she's not exactly a deep thinker.
I finished the whole thing in half-an-hour.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Chicken soup for my soul

Oh there are no words for how much I love Sex and the City.  I watch it and I feel like I'm home again.  Like I'm visiting my best girlfriends.  The seasons just got better as they went along and as these characters developed, in my opinion.  It became a little less crass and a lot more beautiful.  I have many favorite episodes, but this is one of my favorite scenes of all-time.  She is trying to get Mr. Big out of her system and has started a new life with a new man that none of her friends really love and don't see what the attraction is.  I don't think she really knew what it was either.  He wasn't Big and he wasn't horrible, so she could live with it and make do.  Yep, done that.  When things evolved and she saw that he really wasn't all that great, and that he was selfish and could be rude and always down-played her feelings and her life, she finally says enough and leaves.  Yep, done that too.  She ends it with one of my all-time favorite monologues of hers and each time I watch it, I feel like I'm the one doing the speaking.  Life imitates art, and vice-versa.  (The part I love begins at 1:44).

lurve you, xoxo v.


Inspiring me today….



To me, a porch is just another living space,
and should be decorated accordingly.
ESPECIALLY when you live somewhere like Phoenix
where the weather is beautiful so much of the time.

I can’t wait to get my crappy looking back yard fixed up
so I can get things fixed up and ready for summer.

furniture 107

(p.s... I never know who to credit these photos to because I just gather them up as I  go.  If they're yours, thank you!)

What my next wedding cake just might look like....

because I just may have to be this drunk to get married again!
lurve you, xoxo v.


This is so me. Just ask my kids.

Someone created this drawing just for me!
It even kind of looks like me.

It's kind of the running joke in this house,
because I am NOTORIOUS for "losing"
things, only to have them right beside me. 
lurve you, xoxo v.

The tangled web he weaved....

Forgiveness.  What a word.  What a concept.  It's funny, because it's something that comes so easily to me (often times, way TOO easily), and yet it's also something that's elusive and that I can't wrap my mind around sometimes.  It's a place I just can't bring myself to.  Usually, I'm very quick to forgive.  I don't see myself as a doormat, but I see myself as a person who is willing to stretch her boundaries a little bit in order to accommodate the humanness of the people in my life.  The boundaries don't break, but I will allow them to stretch at times.  If someone says they're sorry?  It's all good.  Forgive and forget.  With that being said, there are a few people in my life that I don't even know how to approach the subject of forgiveness. 

Oh, I know all the proper lingo... forgiveness is for you, not them... not forgiving is like ingesting poison and hoping the other person will die... yada yada yada.  Yeah, I know, I get it.  But getting that to sink down from your brain into your inner man is the problem.  When you experienced someone traumatizing your life and home for years on end and would watch them put on the "church face" when in public, acting like the great, easy-going guy, knowing what they were really like behind closed doors.  Hearing your kids beg you to leave him, and wanting to, but not knowing quite how to do it.  He's promised to hurt you or your family if you ever left.  He has control of the money.   How do you leave?  Where do you go that he won't find you?  Then after years and years of planning your escape, going to college and enduring beatings because of it... he beat me when he heard I signed up for classes, my homework and books would come up "missing" all the time, things would go wrong with the car conveniently on days I needed to be at school or in clinicals so that I wouldn't be able to go, he literally got in the face of any study partner I had and threatened to hurt them so that they would be afraid to come back or study with me... I finally graduated and started working and earning enough money of my own so that I would be able to leave, only to find out that he had been raping my daughter for the past two years....

How do you forgive that?

That's the eternal question, isn't it?  Even more so, how do I forgive myself?  I allowed him into our lives.  I was the one who couldn't find a way to leave early enough to prevent all the damage.  I've actually come a long way towards forgiving myself.  God finally got it through to my heart that I have to look at motive.  Did I ever intend for my children to be hurt?  Of course not.  Did I ever think that even though he hurt me, that he would hurt my children?  Of course not.  I stayed because I didn't know how to get my kids out of there safely.  I thought I was doing the right thing at the time.  I never acted out of negligence or because I didn't care what was going on or about their safety.  Quite the contrary, I was trying my best to protect them in the best way I knew how.

Him?  Yeah, I'm still stuck on how to forgive him.  Even though on one hand I know this isn't the case, I feel like forgiving him is letting him off the hook.  I've been praying for quite a while about it.  I'm willing to forgive in order to free myself, I just have to know how, and that's God's job.  None of the other things about forgiveness have ever worked to get me to the place where I'm able to, so I started praying for God to send a new way.  Something I haven't heard before that will be able to sink in and speak to my heart.  So He sent me this... while watching the Oprah show a few weeks ago, she said:
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope
that the past could have been any different."

That stuck with me.  It began to sink in in a way that nothing else ever had.  The past is exactly as it needed to be.  It's exactly what brought me to where I am now.  Even if something could have been done differently, it wasn't, and it can't be changed.  I have to release it and stop struggling to untangle all of the knots and just accept that it is what it is.  It's not my job to punish or debt collect, it's God's.  That evil man has a lot of karma to work out and that will happen whether I'm investing bad energy into hating him or not.  I have to just let it go and give up the hope that the past could have been any different. 

lurve you, xoxo v.

Look at Maddie B!

Courtney & I both started cracking up
when we saw this,
because we both agree that this is

lurve you, xoxo v.


So cool to me....

lurve you, xoxo v.

Favorite albums....

"This is me... then"
Jennifer Lopez

One of my ALL-TIME faaaaaavorite albums!
Seriously, since the moment it came out,
I have went through two or three copies of it
because I wear them out.
I never get sick of it,
and play it on a loop until someone
threatens to shoot me if I don't change it.

Just like the title of the album,
this reflects who I was... then.
It came out in 2002,
and I bought it right after everything went down
with the "evil one".
I was alone, in shock and vulnerable.
It was a very tender time of healing for me,
and the more mellow, tender vibe of this album
reflects exactly where I was.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Inspiring me today….

Happy St. Patrick’s Day!
I love green!

View green
View Full Album

(p.s... I never know who to credit these photos to because I just gather them up as I  go.  If they're yours, thank you!)



lurve you, xoxo v.

Inspiring me today….

These pictures are all of one of my favorite color combos, light & dark.
But really, it’s more about one of my decorating rules to live by…
a bit of black in every room.
Seriously, it grounds & anchors the room,
and stops it from feeling like it’s going to float away.

View light and dark
View Full Albu

(p.s... I never know who to credit these photos to because I just gather them up as I  go.  If they're yours, thank you!)


Go hug your boy my sister....

 "...the LORD gave, and the LORD hath taken away;
blessed be the name of the LORD."
~Job 1:21

These words have  meant way too much
to way too many people
that I love lately.

Nonetheless, blessed be the name of the Lord.

I can't put my finger on the word that is 
floating around in my heart about her.
She was warm.  Loving.

When I first met her, it was extremely awkward
for me because of some family history that
I won't make public here.
I wasn't sure how I was supposed to act around her,
or if she would, for some reason, hate me.

But she took me in.
She acted from the first moment as if we hadn't
just met, but that we'd been family...and friends...forever.
She was genuine, and she made me feel accepted.
Rita agreed with me yesterday saying,
"Yes, as soon as you walked into her home,
you were one of hers."

Angie passed away peacefully this afternoon.
She is home with the Lord,
and with her son.

After it seemed that God was just waiting
to pick His time,
my prayers turned to ones of surrender.
If it was His will to take her,
please take her softly.
And He did.

Please pray for her girls,
and for the Torres family.
They've been through a lot lately.

lurve you, xoxo v.



PRAISE!!! Keep praying!!!  

I just received the following text: 

"Angie's oxygen level is at 94% (the highest it has been) 
and her brain looks to be functioning at 100%.  
Still in a medically induced coma while
they get her lungs going right...
still a long road but what great news!"  


lurve you, xoxo v.


Urgent prayer needed :(

Tragedy is trying to strike the Torres family 
once again and I need every one of your fervent prayers.  

My ex-sister-in-law Angie is not expected to make it through the night.  
She is so young...younger than me,
and she has children.
Some of you may remember my post 
from a few years ago that can be found here,
where her son was tragically killed by playing russian roulette.

From what I'm told,
last week she got a cold and it developed into pneumonia.
Friday, she was admitted to the hospital for the
pneumonia, but overall was doing well.
In the past day or so,
she has quickly gone down the tubes.

She is now intubated and was transferred to
the Cleveland Clinic.
Her heart stopped & she coded twice on the way.
They managed to bring her back,
but have said that if it happens again,
they don't expect her to pull through.
They have called all of the family in,
and prepared them for the worst.
At this moment, they are performing
brain function scans to determine the
extent of suspected brain damage.

Pray for her, for her children, for all of the extended family.
Grace and Jessica are there, and so soon after their own tragedy
of losing little Maya, I can only imagine what grace they need right now.

As Mama Betty said,
"God is able, just ask Him. Please"

lurve you, xoxo v.


Day 31

A picture of yourself.
There are many. lol
Since when can I ever pick just one?
How about a montage?
Kind of a year-in-the-life kind of thing.

Lets pick 2009.
It was a breathless year,
full of joy and new beginnings.

Some are ick, some are cute.
Some are sunburned and some (many) are without any makeup.
Don’t worry, I’ll leave out the naughty ones.


IMG00298  IMG00257




maddies =] 002

maddies =] 012



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