The song that finally caused a blog, that's what this is. Leave it to my girl Gwen, my favorite band No Doubt. Leave it to them to release a long-awaited song that speaks to exactly where I'm at. It's like they were checking up on me.
Ritapita saw it before I did and posted it on my Facebook wall for me and I couldn't see it on my phone, so I haven't seen it all day. So what's been my twenty? Where's my brain been at lately? I don't know. That's a good question and I don't have an answer for that. The waves have been crashing and I've been sinking, that much I do know. I've been stressed and I've been lonely. Overwhelmingly lonely. Like alone alone. I even called today to see if I can get back into counseling this week because I'm just feeling desperately wrong. Like SOMETHING'S WRONG. Not myself wrong. Everything wrong at one time wrong. Because it is... everything's wrong at one time. Teenage kid drama, taking it all out on me, car trouble, work overwhelming, money, relationship drama, don't feel good... you name it. All wrong at one time, all made to look 1,000 times as bad because it's PMS week and I feel rejected by everyone and unloved by everyone and hated by everything and like the world is crashing in on me. Yeah, one of those times. Today I actually cried out to God in the car and said, "Does my moon need to be in another house or does Jupiter need to be rising or something because obviously I'm praying for the wrong stuff! Tell me what I need to do!" Even getting to go to a 5-star resort this weekend... the valet curbed our front passenger tire and broke the valve stem (the one that talks to the computer in the car aka the EXPENSIVE one ) which will now cost me over $200 to fix because valet is "park at your own risk" even at a big, fancy resort. Yada, yada, yada, blah blah blah..... all that to say that my day, week, month has SUCKED. sucked sucked.
I just spent an hour in the dark, floating around the pool by myself crying and praying and trying to figure out what to do about this negative, hormonal, crappy attitude because it is so unlike ME. I am normally strong. I might break down for a minute, but then.... I got this.
That's why the lyrics of the song are such a timely message for me. They are perfect. They are about going through a rough time and saying, you know what, I know I'm struggling a little bit right now, but don't worry, I'm really trying to get a hold on this. I'm rough and tough and I've seen avalanches like this before. It's about being tired and saying, "Are you kidding me? Again??" Then saying, "Alright, I got this."
I sit and wonder what I am waiting for. I took a vacation day from work to rest. I could feel that I have been overdoing it. I could feel the alarm bells ringing quietly in the back of my mind telling me to slow down. I've become rather good at listening to them. Not as good at dealing with the guilt that comes with giving myself permission to rest or take the day off, but I do listen to them more now.
Lord, will you protect me? Yes.
Who needs a bathing suit? Nightgown and no underwear.
Kids sunscreen. No towel.
Say a silent prayer and go.
I float quietly on the water.
So now that I'm done reading this, what am I supposed to do with all of my time? Ugh! I hate that it's all over!
I loved the series. I liked the first one, but wasn't thrilled about it. It was just too much for me. I don't like dominant, controlling men. But the second and third books were great. Some people think it would just be too much for them, or that it's not what a healthy relationship looks like, but I don't care. This is EXACTLY the kind of man and relationship that I crave and want. One that is full of passion and where they are all about each other. Where they seek intimacy with each other and they know everything about each other. Where he anticipates her needs, wonders if she's hungry and if he thinks she is, knows what she probably wants to eat because he knows her so well that he knows what she likes. Doesn't have to be hand-fed as to what to buy her for a gift because he pays attention to her wants and wishes and knows exactly what will make her happy. Has a desire for her and can't keep his hands off of her. And yes, I would even like to have it just as often as she is getting it! She is living my life and for at least a brief little time, I got to live "my" life vicariously through her and it was a nice little respite.
LOVED IT! Okay, everything that the first book wasn't, the second book WAS. The second book was the sandpaper that smoothed down all of the rough edged that the first book had in abundance. Every area that bristled the ruff on the back of your neck, this one smoothed them out a bit. This one helped you to exhale a little bit and perhaps even fall in love with Christian Grey. I don't know what the third one brings, but compared to the third one, this is the happy book. I won't give more away of this book than that. But I enjoyed it and can't believe there's only one book left! (booo!)