5.30.2013

Starting to find my way again....

This compass was given to me a while back.
The person who gave it to me said,
"I saw this and thought of you.
I thought, 'I think my girl V is starting to lose her way.'"
She wanted me to remember that really,
I know what to do.

And I do.

p.s...
I haven't forgotten about you.  Think about you all the time.  (Oh, and I got your envelope in the mail recently and will get a hold of you soon!) ;)

lurve you, xoxo v.

5.27.2013

Now you're just somebody that I used to know....


It's not been quite a week yet since he finished moving out all of his stuff,
and every day I find something else he took that wasn't his.

At first I brushed it off as a small price to pay to be able to move on.
But now, it's starting to get old.
For example, he took ALL of the pots and pans.
He left me one tiny, little, worthless frying pan
that isn't worth anything.
All of the other pans,
even the ones that were mine,
are now his.
And WHY? 
Why did he do this?
Act this way?
Oh I know!
Because he could care less!

It had to be just so he could be spiteful, 
because if there's anything I know,
it is HIM.
And knowing HIM the way I do,
I know that he has already been trolling
*at least one*, if not several, dating sites,
looking for new women.

He doesn't care about  anything or anyone but himself.
Whoever can serve him at the moment. 
He uses for as long as he can use,
Then he moves on taking whatever he can take in the process.
And I am angry.

But thank God the anger only comes in waves.
Because I too am moving on.

When we were hashing out our "breakup",
I was concerened about bad-mouthing each other.
I didn't want it to happen.
I knew that he would end up doing it,
and I was concerned about it.
I said that I wouldn't and he agreed.
HA!
I don't believe him for one second.
And frankly,
the deal was off when he began acting so ugly while
moving out.
There was no need for that.
I know I sank to his level for about a minute.
Yelled back, called him a few names.
He knows exactly what buttons to push.

But during the process, I got him out, changed the locks, kept the blinds closed,
quit taking his calls & stopped participating.

Because that is HIS way of being.

NOT MINE.

I am going to heal,
And I am going to be happy. 
The toxins are out of my house and out of my life.

I miss the little kids...
Amy & Howie.
I miss them a lot.

But mostly I'm just really, really glad that I'm free.
I feel like I've been single for a really long time,
because we've basically been only living
 as roomates for at least a year.
I'm happy to not be under his thumb.
Not dealing with his accusations.
Not wondering how he can claim that it's "normal"
to not want to have sex ever (is it me? He says no, but...).
Grateful. Just grateful 
to have my life back,
to have all of the possibilities back.
Possibilities to meet someone new...
At least there can be the idea of someone to love me, 
respect me & treat me right.
The idea of a drama-free life.

Yes, I may have had love for Paul, but he has not treated me with love.
And now he is definitely merely someone that I used to know.
And I am thrilled to move on.



5.20.2013

Is it over yet?

Today was the worst day yet.
He had an audience (his boys... great example Dad),
 so he puts on a show of how nasty he can be to me.
It is almost over. 
Just need to get the garage cleaned out.
It is almost over.
It is almost over.
It is almost over.


lurve you, xoxo v.

5.19.2013

Fed up....


I tried to BE NICE.
You know, do this break up NICE?
Compassionately.
With love, sincerity, grace, caring, etc.

BUT NO.
I am in this "nice" game alone.

Oh, he has *moments* of nice.
Moments that are sandwiched in between his two-faced
nastiness and his all-out bitter attacks.
THEN, he also recruits his grown son and daughter,
who can be VERY vicious to get into the battles for and with him.
Yes, the Anderson trifecta (better known as the A-team) is in full-effect,
and attacking me from every angle.

What I want is for him to GET OUT.
I want peace.
I want the toxicity that he has brought for the past three years
to leave my home and life.

The good news is that he just got approved for an apartment,
and picks up his keys either today or tomorrow.
(PRAISE!)
So, last night, I began packing all of his stuff for him and it is sitting in a pile.
I am done playing nice.
NO MORE MRS. NICE GUY.

I already gave him all of the money to get the apartment,
because he kept claiming he couldn't afford to move...
SO I BANKROLLED THE MOVE FOR HIM.

I told him the least he could do was give me back the IPad that I gave him in return.
He panicked and refused.
He literally slept with it under him,
carried it into the bathroom with him, etc.
because he was so afraid I would take it.

HE IS PATHETIC.

He wants to attack me? Leave me emotionally bruised and beaten?
Plus, use me financially after this? 
I am furious.
The gloves are off and I am not acting gracious at this moment.
I'm fed up.
FUCK HIM.








5.17.2013

It's still a beautiful mess....

A post *not* about PAUL...

"So you were never a saint,
And I loved in shades of wrong.


We learn to live with the pain
Mosaic broken hearts.


But this love is brave and wild

And I never  saw you coming
And I'll never be the same...


These are the hands of fate
You're my Achilles heel
This is the golden age 

of something good 
and right and real..."  Taylor Swift



"What Can I Say"
by
Carrie Underwood




"Beautiful Mess"
by
Jason Mraz



~Time apart does not separate love or friendship~

...Round Trip...

5.08.2013

Guilty, first degree murder...



Justice has been served. Our justice system has worked this time. It is so important to know that we are safe in this country and even if we are only one step closer, it is still *one* step. Thank you, Lord.
~STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE~


lurve you, xoxo v.





5.06.2013

Praying for justice for Travis....


The jury reconvenes tomorrow morning to begin deliberating on Jodi Arias' fate.
It is now in their hands.

The prayer vigils have now officially begun springing up both here in Phoenix,
and in California, where Travis' family lives and he is buried. 

This evening in California at Travis' graveside, his family, friends and 
many supporters gathered to pray and hold a candlelight vigil.







This makes me so sad.
I have followed this case so closely,
not only because wherever there is injustice,
I want this righted,
but because not only did Jodi claim to be a victim
of domestic violence,
which completely offends me (because she is NOT),
but because when it comes down to it,
Travis was the ultimate victim of domestic violence. 
Only he didn't survive.

This case became very personal to me.

(How'd you like that run-on sentence up there? That's okay.  
I'm feeling emotional.  I get a pass.)


I'm going to ask that if you have any humanity in you whatsoever,
that you please pray fervently that justice is served tomorrow (or however long this deliberation 
takes.)  She is a true sociopath and he did not deserve this.  She slaughtered him.  There was
cruelty.  Anything less than first degree murder and she will eventually be out on the streets to do this again.  That is so scary.  Justice needs to be served.  Travis needs and deserves justice.  I'll be praying that he gets it.  Domestic violence needs to end.


Excellent job Prosecutor Martinez.
You spoke for Travis when he wasn't here to speak for himself.
Job well done.
lurve you, xoxo v.

**photos from various FB pages in support of Travis
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