5.27.2013

Now you're just somebody that I used to know....


It's not been quite a week yet since he finished moving out all of his stuff,
and every day I find something else he took that wasn't his.

At first I brushed it off as a small price to pay to be able to move on.
But now, it's starting to get old.
For example, he took ALL of the pots and pans.
He left me one tiny, little, worthless frying pan
that isn't worth anything.
All of the other pans,
even the ones that were mine,
are now his.
And WHY? 
Why did he do this?
Act this way?
Oh I know!
Because he could care less!

It had to be just so he could be spiteful, 
because if there's anything I know,
it is HIM.
And knowing HIM the way I do,
I know that he has already been trolling
*at least one*, if not several, dating sites,
looking for new women.

He doesn't care about  anything or anyone but himself.
Whoever can serve him at the moment. 
He uses for as long as he can use,
Then he moves on taking whatever he can take in the process.
And I am angry.

But thank God the anger only comes in waves.
Because I too am moving on.

When we were hashing out our "breakup",
I was concerened about bad-mouthing each other.
I didn't want it to happen.
I knew that he would end up doing it,
and I was concerned about it.
I said that I wouldn't and he agreed.
HA!
I don't believe him for one second.
And frankly,
the deal was off when he began acting so ugly while
moving out.
There was no need for that.
I know I sank to his level for about a minute.
Yelled back, called him a few names.
He knows exactly what buttons to push.

But during the process, I got him out, changed the locks, kept the blinds closed,
quit taking his calls & stopped participating.

Because that is HIS way of being.

NOT MINE.

I am going to heal,
And I am going to be happy. 
The toxins are out of my house and out of my life.

I miss the little kids...
Amy & Howie.
I miss them a lot.

But mostly I'm just really, really glad that I'm free.
I feel like I've been single for a really long time,
because we've basically been only living
 as roomates for at least a year.
I'm happy to not be under his thumb.
Not dealing with his accusations.
Not wondering how he can claim that it's "normal"
to not want to have sex ever (is it me? He says no, but...).
Grateful. Just grateful 
to have my life back,
to have all of the possibilities back.
Possibilities to meet someone new...
At least there can be the idea of someone to love me, 
respect me & treat me right.
The idea of a drama-free life.

Yes, I may have had love for Paul, but he has not treated me with love.
And now he is definitely merely someone that I used to know.
And I am thrilled to move on.



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