My Sunday

Today's been good. It's a nice, cozy, lazy Sunday and after I slept in I've spent the rest of it snuggled on the couch with my laptop. My friend Jessica got here around 3:00 from her trip to bring two of my girls home. They had gone up north to visit friends and family for Thanksgiving and she was nice enough to drive them back. We had a nice visit and then she hit the road again. I have to say that it was nice not having all the teenage angst in the house for five days and was ready to lose my mind up in here, up in here within ten minutes of her leaving and the kids feeling "back to normal" with no company around. The attitude was almost immediate and what makes me even crazier is the eye rolling. Grr! But for now, we've all settled down to chill around the fire that Scott just built. I love having a fireplace but have to admit that I am such a chicken when it comes to fire. I even have trouble taking things out of the oven--no joke. When he opens the fireplace doors to adjust the logs, I freak out and have the kids run to fill up the mop bucket with water "just in case." Don't worry, they think I'm as crazy as you do right now.

Friday five

  1. Time I got up to cook the turkey: 9
  2. People here for Thanksgiving dinner: 5
  3. Brownies I ate tonight at Allison's: probably half a dozen. I know, I'm totally hanging my head in shame, but really it's her fault because the problem is she cuts them too small. See, when I make brownies, I cut them bigger and that way I can say I only had 2 or 3. See the logic?
  4. Days of peace with the hormone harem out of the house visiting friends for the holiday: 5 (and it went SO FAST!)
  5. Days until I realized that no one ever put the cheese dip away and it's still sitting in the crockpot: 3 (Not pretty, trust me)


CEO of Veronica, Inc.

Current status: Still unemployed and way overstuffed after Thanksgiving

Current mood: Amazing happy, frisky, playful and rather cheeky.

Yeah, on paper my life could be better. So could M-A-N-Y a thing in my life, but inexplicably I am the happiest I've been in quite a while. This is awesome and frankly, I had forgotten how good it feels to feel like myself. What explains the change? *shrugging shoulders* Owwwwknow Perhaps it's not being at a job that I don't like? Maybe given that fact, I am daring to begin imagining the possibilities in my life and for the first time in a long time, I feel like the CEO of Veronica, Inc. instead of just a sad employee of it or even the cleaning lady that shows up to clean up after the official employees. Then again, maybe it's smelling this new lotion I have that smells just like my ex-boyfriend (should I admit that out loud?). I keep smelling my hands and reminiscing. Oh well, no matter! For tonight, I feel fantastic and wish I had a cocktail in hand and a man on which to assert my newly-found administrative power. Prrrrrr! LOL
I'm feeling frisky enough to pounce like a kitten on my unsuspecting husband if he ever eventually climbs out of his hole, *ahem* I mean the basement. I don't know, I am carrying this extra couple of pounds right now, but he's a smoker so I think I can take him. ;) Now if only my parents weren't sleeping upstairs. I guess my plans will have to wait for another night.

There's good news and there's bad news

The bad news is that my unemployment will be based on my job PRIOR to this one because that's where I worked longer, and that job was only part-time. SO, my payments will not be even close to half of what I've been making--but it's still a HUGE blessing! So, I'm not complaining.

The GOOD NEWS is that I've been vindicated! This is what was in my letter from unemployment this morning:
The employer has not provided evidence to establish that the claimant was excessively absent/tardy. ..After a review of the facts, this agency finds that the claimant was discharged without just cause under Section
4141.29(D)(2)(a),Ohio RevisedCode.

This makes me feel better and I'm so glad it worked out in the end. I think they just changed their mind about my high salary and decided to cut me while they could. In healthcare there's them that's been fired and them that's going to be fired. The way they did it they didn't have to pay me a severance package--weasles. Oh well, Good Riddance to them!



Well, it's not in my bank account yet and it's not as much as they said I was going to get, but it looks like my unemployment is approved! I got an email this morning that said there activity in my unemployment account and when I looked, it said my last two weeks claimed have been paid.
Yet another reason to be grateful!


Make known his deeds

Give thanks unto the LORD, call upon his name,
make known his deeds among the people.

1 Chronicles 16:8

Everybody likes to get excited about the hoopla associated with holidays like this, and I do too, but it's good for us all to have days like this to humble us. Sometimes I need grounded and brought back to what really matters, which is gratitude for the myriad of blessings in my life and more importantly--to the giver of all of those blessings.

God is so good to me and has never failed me. He has never wavered in his love for me or in his sovereignty in my life. I don't even know the specifics of everything he has done for me, but what I do know of it leaves me in awe. He died for every one of my bad decisions and sinful moments and I want to make known his deeds among the people.
Thank you Lord. Thank you for parents who love me and children who have turned out happy despite all they've been through. Thank you for your provision and for living in a country where I can freely write this blog. Thank you for delivering me from the torture of the abusive marriage that I was once in and thank you for your justice in that situation. Thank you Lord for giving me beauty in exchange for all of the ashes that I keep bringing to you. And thank you for making me who I am; a strong, opinionated, creative, loving and loyal person. Thank you for giving me courage to stand up for what I believe in even in the presence of people who I know don't agree with me. Thank you. And God, please continue to bless America. Amen.

What is CDO? It's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder alphabetized!

Knowing the pigs (and I use that term lovingly) that the rest of my family can be at times, I tend to avoid the kitchen. With my history of wigging out just a bit when things aren't the way the I would like them to be in my kitchen and they aren't as clean as I would like them to be, I decided long ago to stay away and live in denial unless it was necessary for me to be there.

The question has come up here and there over the years that if I'm so picky, why don't I just take control of it and take care of it myself? The answer to that brings me back to my original statement: because my family can be a bunch of pigs. When I did take care of it every day, I would find myself leaving little passive-agressive notes all over the place like, "you know how in prisons, the different populations separate themselves and don't like to hang out together? Well, the forks and spoons are the same way! Stop heaping them in one place!" It never worked. I only found myself living in a constant state of frustration about having a ton of work to do. Now, I only have that kind of work to do a handful of times every year--and today was one of those times.

It actually wasn't too bad compared to other times, but I still knew that if I was going to cook in there tomorrow then I was going to have to get nitty-gritty. It started when I was making cheesecake and pulled down the mixer only to see that it was covered with nasty gunked-on grime and I was ready to rolph everywhere. Seriously, that kind of stuff grosses me out. I kept going until all of the miscellaneous items in the kitchen had their layer of grease scrubbed off of them and although I know there's more to go, it's good enough right now that I can comfortably spend my day in there and not be skeeved out. If my kitchen could talk, I hope it would love the fact that it's sparkling like the top of the Chrysler Building and not crying and screaming because I showered it down Silkwood style. "I'm clean! I'm cleeeaaaannnn!"

Now I'm ready for some turkey!


I win!!!

I did it! I finished the first draft of my novel and crossed the 50,000 word finish line for NaNoWriMo!!! My family hasn't seen much of me for twenty-five days and I have to go ice my wrists, but my word count at this moment is 57,786. The second most popular question after "What's it about?" is "When are you submitting it?" and the answer to that is: probably not for quite a while.
See, this is just a first draft. And because it was done so quickly, it's a very ROUGH first draft. It needs quite a bit more added to it and a lot more detail in order to make it worthy of submission. So needless to say I'll be working on it for quite a while, but at least the bones are there and seriously? Almost 58,000 words is A LOT to type! So I did a mighty fine job my friends! :) Yes, I'm patting myself on the back and taking my atta-girls while I can. I'll keep you posted on the progress though and I'll definitely let you know when you can go out and buy it in the bookstores! And I'll even expect you, MS. SHERWIN WILLIAMS to buy one too! ;)

I always feel like somebody's watchin' meeeeee

I hate this time of night. It's five o'clock in the morning and I am still wide awake. This isn't necessarily anything new for me--I've suffered from insomnia for most of my adult life, but it had seemed to resolve for a while recently. The other night I came to a realization why and I don't like it. I think it all boils down to the fact that I don't feel safe in this house. We are in a decent area, but it is on the very edge of the decent area, edging towards the not so decent area. Know what I mean? It's also a very busy street with a bar down on the corner. We only have neighbors on one side and the other sides are totally exposed. I just feel so vulnerable here and it keeps me up at night, almost like I have to keep watch. I've been laying in bed forever it seems and my body won't even think about sleeping, but I know that soon Scott will be getting up for the day (he's an early riser) and as soon as he does, BOOM! I'll be out for the count. I hate feeling paranoid like this and don't like feeling uncomfortable in my own skin so I know that unfortunatley, our time in this charming little house with the good rent is probably limited. Hopefully I'll find a way to have some peace until then though.


Weekend whatever

Instead of my "Friday Five", I need to change it to the weekend whatever because I'm never on time with those any more. This week I didn't have a lot going on with being unemployed and all. Still haven't heard anything definite from the agency, so I may be moving on from them. I also have still never heard anything definite from unemployment. Please say a prayer for me that God would let that get approved for me--that would help SO much.
The kids are all good and I enjoy my time with them except for the nightly brawls over getting them to go to bed. They insist that it's "too cold!" in their room and try to make me feel guilty with "what if we die from hypothermia?", but I don't feel bad. That sounds horrible doesn't it? The thing is, I told them that if they cleaned the crafts up in my office and put the card table away, they could put the air mattress in there and sleep--but they've all said no because they "don't feel like it." So I figure they must not be that cold, right?
In other news, someone opened the floodgates on facebook, because this week it seems like a million people from my past found me. People from an old job I had, people from high school--literally about 20 people. Truth be told, I really can't stand facebook and think it's so boring, but since the rest of creation seems to be in love with it, I show up. It was nice to see some people that I haven't spoken to since I graduated high school (or before)--and it's good to see how good I still look compared to some of them. Okay, that came out much snarkier than I planned...I'm just sayin'.
Friday, Shawnda picked me up and we went to meet Allison & Rachel for dinner. It was like a revolving door of friends though because Rachel was there when we got there, but had to leave before Allison showed up, and then Shawnda had to leave before we did so by the end it was just Alli & me. It was crazy, but I had a great time. I miss my friends when I don't see them for a while. Afterwards, Allison came back to my house and Shawnda joined us eventually. Shawnda left around 3 in the morning when our movie was done, but Allison didn't go until around 5. It had turned into an evening of dumb "your mom (fill in the blank)" jokes and even though it's so stupid, that night it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard! Every time someone would say, "I have to pee" and I'd hear someone else say, "Your mom has to pee" we would all crack up laughing. Allison figured out how to send text messages to my home phone and spent the night sending stupid texts so that we could hear Computer Lady say stupid monotone things like, "Come on heifer! yo!" It was hillarious and I can appreciate that it was a bit like the 80's--you just had to be there to get it, but I had an awesome time.
I got to go to dinner again tonight with Shawnda and was glad to have some one-on-one time with her. I was having a rough day today--just generally agitated and blah--so I'm really glad to have gotten out of the house so that I could reset my mood.
I haven't been feeling so hot the past few days; I feel dizzy and nauseous and headachey. I didn't think much of it until tonight when Madelaine kept saying she was dizzy. I realized our carbon monoxide detector hasn't been plugged in and so I found it and plugged it in. It gave me an initial reading of 27 instead of 0. Well, that's not good is what I thought to myself as I ran to google what that meant. It says that's still a low number and the thing isn't alarming at me, but I wonder if that could account for some of these symptoms. I'm going to give it a day or so and see what happens. If I fall off the face of the earth suddenly, someone please come check on us! Just kidding--kind of.

The detector just reset to zero, so that's good right? *phew!* Maybe it just had some kinks to work out after not being used for a while.



  1. I am so thankful for intelligence--not just mine, but other people's as well. I appreciate and love so much watching other people do something brilliant, especially if it's something I would have never thought of. Example: the stunt that Bob pulled tonight on Survivor. That was FANTASTIC and I was rooting out loud for him.
  2. Paydays. I hate that I don't have them anymore and appreciate every little bit that God gives me.
  3. All of my senses. Being able to see, hear and even smell is a beautiful thing. I have Sjogren's Syndrom (google it if you want to learn more about it) and it has effected my smeller. I can't smell as good as I used to and so I really appreciate when I can and fear for the day when I might not be able to. This all takes me to #4.
  4. Things that smell good. I love me a good candle! Falls perfect too because I love spicy, harvesty, cidery scents.
  5. Good chinese food. MMMMM...nuff said. :)

Survey time! thanks to maribel!

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags? Wrapping paper usually. Gift bag only if I'm in a hurry.
2. Real tree or Artificial? Artificial.
3. When do you put up the tree? The day or so after Thanksgiving.
4. When do you take the tree down? Around new years.
5. Do you like eggnog? Depends how it’s made. Usually.
6. Favorite gift received as a child ? barbies townhouse and a stereo that had a turntable, 8-track AND cassette player!
7. Hardest person to buy for? My mom
8. Easiest person to buy for? My girls.
9. Do you have a nativity scene? No
10. Mail or email Christmas cards? Mail.
11. All gifts are beautiful? Sure.
12. When do you start shopping for Christmas? Usually December.
13. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present? Yes. My ex in-laws gave me the same set of little figurines two years in a row, so the next Christmas I gave them one of the sets back and they didn't even notice. Guess they really paid attention to my gifts huh?
14. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas? Christmas dinner isn't really a big deal around here, Thanksgiving is. I would say ham.
15. Lights on the tree? Duh! Of course (I like the color lights)
16. Favorite Christmas song? So many! But I'm kind of song/artist specific with many of them. And I like certain quirky ones that most people haven't heard of like "Christmas in Love" by Renee Olstead and "Hey Santa" by Ashanti.
17. Travel at Christmas or stay home? I’d rather stay home. I'm a huge homebody and really HATE needing to leave my house on holidays. That's a family day.
18. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer's? maybe.
19. Angel on the tree top or a star? Angel.
20. Open presents on Christmas Eve or morning? Christmas morning.
21. Most annoying thing about this time of the year. Never enough money, too many places to go.
22. Favorite ornament theme or color? I wish I could do a beautiful tree with new ornaments, but my tree is very sentimental to me. Every ornament on it has a story, like my grandparents ones from the 40's or ones that my great grandma crocheted, ones i made when i was little or that my kids have made in school, etc.
23. Favorite for Christmas dinner? See #14!
24. What do you want for Christmas this year? A lot! lol I never get Christmas presents from my family! This year I really do want some stuff and I don't even care if it's new pots and pans, because I need that too! But I need new perfume, clothes, a new necklace, a ring, some new cd's, the sex and the city movie...see i'm easy to please! :)



  1. I am SO thankful for the internet! Seriously, how did we ever live without this? This is truly the greatest invention since tampons and I use it for EVERYTHING. Where else at one in the morning can I get a craving to hear "Rebirth of Slick" (which I don't think I've heard since 1993) and be able to pull it right up?? (We be to rap what key be to lock cuz we're cool like dat we're cool like that we're like that.....)

    Now you can here it too! :)

  2. Reality tv. It makes me see that my life isn't so abnormal.
  3. Daughters with such strong personalities. Sometimes it's hard to deal with because I have quite a strong personality too, but I am so thrilled to be able to know these little women. They are amazing.
  4. My home.
  5. Diet coke.
Short, sweet and to the point. But all awesome. :)



This evening I got a call from my friend Rachel. "Hello?"

"What are you doing right now? I mean right this very minute?"

"Sitting in my pajamas playing cards on my computer and watching 'The Notebook' with my kids."

"Come to Bob Evans with Shawnda and me!"

So I did and I'm so glad. Rachel bought me a cup of hot tea and the three of us (Allison was too busy to make it, but we missed her!) reconnected after a way-too-busy fall. As I drove home and thought about how much I love my friends, I knew I had my gratitude blog for the night! I am so thankful for my closest friends and pray for them every time they cross my mind. They are the best. I luv muh girls!









My fight song for the past few weeks has been "NO CONTRACT! NO CONTRACT! NO CONTRACT!" I want the freedom that can come from going on a day-to-day basis and picking and choosing my work; I don't really want to be tied down right now through the holidays.

Well, that didn't last long! I was so excited yesterday because they gave me an assignment for tonight. I spent time looking up the place on the internet and they looked great. I sorted out my work bag and have it sitting ready by the door. I'm ready to go my friend!

An hour or so ago, I spoke with my agency on the phone--the assignment was cancelled. *sigh* That is the definite risk of doing temp work, and it can actually be an awesome surprise once you're working there for a while. But when you've been out of work for a few weeks and and need to pay your bills? Not good. So what did I do? Did I stand firm and hold out for another assignment? Uh uh sister! Instead I said, "how soon can you get me an assignment? If you can get me December 24-26 off, I'll take it." They were pretty excited to here that and will get back to me as soon as possible.
Lord, I think I should just win the lottery and we can be done with all this!



  1. I'm grateful that I get to go to work tomorrow night. My agency called me bright and early this morning (as agencies like to do) and said that they just got a new contract in and wondered if I would like to take it. This was a guy that I'd never dealt with before and he was totally surprised when I said, "I'd really like to hear about prn needs until after the holidays. When you have something daily, let me know." He responded, "REALLY? I had no idea! I thought you were looking for a contract. Can you work tomorrow night?" YEP! Thank you Lord!
  2. I'm grateful for how nice it feels after cleaning and rearranging my living room. It's funny to me how just something that simple can instill me with hope for the future. It's like a fresh, new beginning.
  3. I'm thankful that my family has allowed me to keep the t.v. off most of the time lately (which I love)--and they haven't complained AT ALL.
  4. I'm grateful that pizza and pop can comfort the broken heart of a teenage girl at least a little bit.
  5. I'm thankful for a God who will comfort the entire heart of a sad teenage girl.

In other words...

I've blogged many times about what a collector of quotes I am. Sometimes I sit and read back through the book of quotes that I keep to get inspiration--and sometimes I even find conviction through them. If they affect me that much, perhaps they will touch someone else as well. I thought I'd start sharing some once again here and there as they move me.

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves,
who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We are born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same."

~Marianne Williamson


* Go to your Sixth Picture Folder then pick your Sixth Picture.
* Pray that you remember the details.
* I'm supposed to tag five others, but I'm not a big tagger--cause no one listens anyways! lol So if you would like to participate, I would love to see what you come up with! Leave me a comment and let me know.

Scott took the girls (and Amelia's friend Caroline) to Cascade Park to go hiking and rock climbing for the day sometime last spring.



My friend Shawnda committed to blog ten things she is grateful for every day until Thanksgiving, and I thought it was a fantastical idea! What's sad is I'm not sure that I can come up with ten things every day (that sounds horrible to admit out loud!), but I'm going to give it a shot. I'm going to shoot for ten and take what I get. Baby steps, right?

1. I'm grateful for a God who loves me even when I'm less than faithful. This morning I felt like a train wreck with a horrible headache, so I went back to bed instead of taking my kids to church.

2. I am SO grateful for a roof over my head, heat, electricity, warm water and even some luxuries like internet and phone. Especially right now when I have no job and I am reminded once again that it could all go away very easily.

3. I have good friends. I love getting the random text message through the day or a call (even at 1 in the morning) just to say hi or tell me something funny.

4. My cousin Michelle. She's the closest thing I have to a sister and tomorrow she is being sworn in as a lawyer because she has worked so hard to complete law school while having a family. She really has worked hard and has now completed her masters degree and now law school. She puts my lazy butt to shame! But she inspires me to achieve and I love her.

5. The fall. As it is disappearing right before my eyes, I am reminded how much I love it and can't wait to see it again next year.

Ok, I made it to five. Gotta pace myself or I might pull a muscle or something!


Friday five

  1. How does everyone like the new winter layout for the blog? I made the header a while ago, but put together the rest of the stuff and threw it up last night. Feedback?
  2. The angst has arrived. The hormonal, teenage angst I mean. Madelaine is no longer the Madelaine we all knew and loved--at least not most of the time. I'm sitting here trying to breathe in and breathe out so that I don't whoop her butt, and that's huge because I don't EVER have to discipline her like that. But honey let me tell you, as good as Courtney is doing, Madelaine obviously picked up the torch and is doing horribly with the attitude. uggh!
  3. It's snowing right now. It's still a very wet half-snow, half-rain. It's pretty but I'm not exactly sure how ready I am for winter. Ok, I'm not ready at all. But it's still pretty.
  4. No word yet about the job. The guy from the agency emailed me a few days ago and said he was submitting my profile to several local places and expects to hear back sometime this week. I hope so. I love the vacation, but I love knowing there's money coming soon just as much.
  5. Allison called yesterday on her way home from work and wanted to know if I could meet her at Applebees for some girl time. We had a great conversation and munched on half-priced appetizers. At first we were bummed when our favorite waitress Sarah wasn't working and Allison even had them check the schedule to see if she was coming in extra for the evening. When they said no, we went ahead and sat in another waitresses area but were pleasantly surprised a few minutes later to see Sarah walk in the front door out of the blue to pick up an extra shift that they didn't have written down! She took over our table and then actually got in trouble (oops!) for sitting at our booth and talking with us for too long. It's amazing to me to see God's hand at work in things like that because we found out so much about her that we have in common and now have an inkling why God chose to bring this cool girl into our lives last May to bond with us. Who knew that we would become so close with our waitress from Applebees!



As I get further and further into my book (probably at least half-way done now), I have so many people asking me "what's it about?" Well, I thought I would throw out some images that I have stowed away that have inspired me for the first half. These aren't all of them, but enough of them. I'm not really into describing what it's about at this point, because it's too complicated to be dumbed down to a blurb at this point. Suffice it to say that it's about a girl/woman and it begins in one time and finishes in another. I'll have more later, but this is where my mind is at in the story at this particular time:

In no particular order.

The good news and the bad news

The bad news is, my anniversary was a complete bust. We really don't fight or argue very often, so it more of the norm with not doing ANYTHING. No talking, no cuddling up to watch a movie together, no romance....just nothing. Whatever.

The good news is that I got A TON of writing done! I'm up to 34,242 words as of last night! That's not too bad friends! :) I know that I will need a lot more than the 50,000 words that NaNoWriMo set their goal at, but that's a good start. My main hurdle is to allow myself to be imperfect and just get the rough draft complete. I want to correct every typo and rearrange and do a ton of editing--and that can be a bit counterproductive. So anyways, my goal remains to simply bang this thing out by the end of the month and then spend however long it takes (months? years? I hope not!) to make it great before submitting it.

I know everyone's curious about the job front. The agency I applied with got back with me the other day and I had to complete all of my nursing tests on their website. When I was finished, he said that everything was all set and he was going to submit my profile to one of the local hospitals so that I could get to work. I don't want to jinx myself by asking if that means the tox screen came back ok or if they're just ignoring it for now since I warned them about it. *shrugging shoulders* Oh well, hopefully I'll be working soon. It would be really great if they would approve my unemployment! I'm not holding my breathe because the hospital is fighting it already, but I've never received unemployment and think they should let me. :)

Better get back to writing! Wish me luck!


Still in the room

Happy Anniversary. The last two years have been tumultuous to say the least, but we're both still in the room and that has to count for something. Some days the thought of a lifetime seems unbearable and I know sometimes you feel the same, but I am taking it one day at a time. That's what I can give you and hopefully, each of those days will turn into years, and those will turn into a lifetime. I have to give you props for coming so far in the past year. Even with some setbacks, you're still miles from where you were and I have to have faith that you will continue to move forward in the same way. As I try to forgive you and try to have patience with you and learn to trust you again, I ask that you please continue to be patient with me and show me grace where I am obviously untrusting and impatient. You try to give me grace and I will try to give it to you. I love you and even though I'm sometimes leery, I'm still here. And I'm willing to step out by your side into another year. I'm still in the room.

And because I have a sense of humor:

You cant afford no ring
You cant afford no ring
I shouldnt be wearing white and you cant afford no ring

You finally took my hand
You finally took my hand
It took a nip of gin
But you finally
Took my hand
You cant afford no ring
You cant afford no ring
I shouldnt be wearing white and you cant afford no ring

Mama dont approve
Mama dont approve
Daddy says hes the best in town
And mama dont approve
You cant afford no ring
You cant afford no ring
I shouldnt be wearing white and you cant afford no ring

Babys on its way
Babys on its way
Say I do and kiss me quick
cause babys on its way
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