Sitting here at 1:30 in the morning because I can't sleep. Not working for the past few weeks has helped me develop a bad habit of staying up too late and then sleeping in. Not sleeping late and sleeping well. Mostly just not sleeping much at all.
So, I just bought Taylor Swift's new album ("RED") and I'm sitting here listening to it and, AS USUAL, I love it. She nailed it. HOW DOES SHE DO THIS EVERY TIME? It's like she has a cable link to my gut and she just channels all of the stuff I want to write. So really, I should probably just send her a Thank You card for doing all of the hard work. But then again, she gets the big check for writing all of of my shit, so maybe she should send me the card? Hmm.
Being immunocompromised is no fun (thank you Benlysta and Prednisone!). Paul and the kids catch a cold? They're down for 3 or 4 days. I catch what they have? I develop pneumonia (and normally more) and am down for a minimum of two weeks every time.
This time, I was seriously scared. I mean, praying for God to not take me home just yet scared. It started off with a raging fever (it maintained at about 104.6 for a few days), so I thought it was just the flu or something. I was diagnosed with full left and right-sided pneumonia, CHF and severe asthma exacerbation. And to say I couldn't breathe is the understatement of the YEAR! For the past week-and-a-half, I have not been able to walk more than ten feet without becoming severely short of breath. Until yesterday, I couldn't hold even the shortest of conversations because I was unable to breath.
I know I had bargained for the doctor to let me come home and not go to
the hospital. I thought I would be more comfortable here and with the
slew of meds she had given me, I thought I would be getting better
quickly. Boy did I underestimate that! By that night, I knew I had
made a mistake, but by then, I didn't have it in me to go sit in a cold,
uncomfortable emergency room, so I decided to stick it out at home.
The first few nights, my pulse ox (oxygen in my blood) was hanging out between 89 and 92% (I should've been in the hospital & on oxygen.... me & my stubbornness, I totally regret it.) Now it's up to between 94 & 96% most of the time, which seems like a miracle.
By the time it's all said and done I'll have been out of work for at least a full two weeks and have had to file for short-term disability. That's scary. My doctor has placed my Benlysta infusions on indefinite hold as since I keep coming down with pneumonia and other horrible infections. That's scary to me too since this was pretty much my last resort for treatment for my lupus. I don't tolerate any of the other meds and I tolerate this one so well and it's seemed to keep things relatively well-controlled. It makes me sad and a little scared. I know I can't keep getting sick like this, but I also can't live in a world where I ingest huge amounts of Prednisone or worse... a world where I live in lupus-misery.
SCREW YOU LUPUS.
I HATE YOU AND YOU ARE NOT WELCOME HERE.
TWENTY YEARS IS ENOUGH.
Thank you Lord for being faithful to heal me. Please continue to lift me up to health and strength. Please continue to give my doctors knowledge as to how to take care of me. In Jesus' name, Amen.
My heart is going out to this 14-year-old that is being charged as an adult for killing her baby.
YES, I know what she did and how heinous it was. I AGREE. But she is a CHILD.
I have children her age. Do you? Have you experienced the ridiculously stupid things these kids can do? The life-altering mistakes they can make in one fell swoop without thinking for even one second? Yes, even things like stealing a car, drinking, drugs and in this case, murder.
Don't you think that in about ten or twenty years, when she has some wisdom behind her, that she would rethink? That she would probably not make the same stupid, stupid, stupid decision? That she wouldn't grab up her fourteen-year-old baby-faced self by the shoulders and scream "STOP! WAIT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? DON'T!" I have to believe that she would. I have to believe in the good in people. Why? Because that's what keeps me going day after day in this miserable world. And because we are all created in His image so eventually that's usually how it works out. Eventually, if we're all doing it right, we all usually grow up and come 'round to some kind of wisdom and better behavior. Also, because when I look into her face, I see the face of my daughters. And I've already watched one of them screw it up royally and then come out of the fog on the other side successfully. She made it to the other shore in one piece. Now, I know she didn't go murdering no baby and shoving it in a shoebox, but tomatoes, to-mah-toes, you know? The point is, she did some pretty messed up stuff. And now girl number two has done some pretty messed up stuff this summer too. Probably even more messed up than girl #1 ever did. She stressed me out pretty bad and had the cops involved on a regular basis for a while. How old was she? FOURTEEN.
My point is that fourteen year-olds are stupid. Yes, stupid. And unfortunately, this girl committed murder, which is inexcusable. But she is not an adult. Not even close to an adult. I don't agree with this and my heart goes out to her. I can't imagine this baby girl being sent to an adult prison. So sad.