She of the perfect appearing vagina....

**WARNING!!!  This post contains TMI! Read at your own risk!**

So I went to the doctor for my follow up appointment today.  It's been nearly three weeks since I had the thermachoice and essure procedures done.  The recovery was rough to start with but has been no big deal since then.  Yesterday however, I had a huge scare and was bleeding heavily with really bad pain in my right lower stomach.  I was SO glad that today was my appointment so I could see what was going on.

Well, I left with good news all around.  First of all, I lost five pounds in the last two weeks. *woot*  I had been in congestive heart failure a few weeks ago and was retaining fluid, so the fact that I lost five pounds is a good way to go.  Second of all, when she did my exam she said, "Well, whatever was wrong is gone now.  You have a perfect appearing vagina."  I giggled and she responded, "Seriously!  You have a perfect appearing vagina!  It's like textbook.  It's looks great."  I couldn't help but laughing and said, "Well, that's something a girl always likes to hear."

I texted Paul when I left and let him know that I shall now be known as "She of the perfect appearing vagina."  Maybe I should have business cards made up?  Do you think I could put this on my resume?

lurve you, xoxo v.



lurve you, xoxo v.

Chillin' (read: sweatin') with my homies

So I went to the opening varsity football game last night with Paul and the kids.  Normally, I would like that kind of thing... marching bands and cheerleaders, NOT football.  *Ummmm..... DISAPPOINTMENT!*

Marching bands here?  NOT the same as back home!  Who'd have EVER guessed that could be possible?  First of all, they were all in shorts and tshirts, not uniforms.  I decided not to be all judgey judgey on that point because it was 110 degrees out afterall.  But get this... they didn't even get in formation or do any marching!  During half-time, the home team stood on the side lines in a straight row and played one song.  *cricket, cricket*  That's it.  Before they came out I was all bouncing in my seat and clapping my hands chanting, "the band's coming!  the band's coming!"  Afterword?  I was sitting there with my bottom lip sticking out just staring straight ahead.  Bummer.

On a brighter note... Maddie first thought she didn't make the cheerleading squad, but the news isn't quite that grim.  The coach has taken to sitting right in front of us in church and last week when she came in, Paul leaned forward and told her how disappointed Maddie was that she didn't make the team.  The coach then took Maddie out into the lobby and told her that there were three girls who she wanted to make the team, but just didn't have the uniforms for them and that Maddie was one of them.  Sooo, if Maddie is willing to, she wants her to come to all of the practices and games anyways and learn the cheers, work on her jumps, etc and be an alternate.  Then if a spot opens up from a girl leaving or getting kicked out, then Maddie will have a spot.  SO, not quite as depressing! Of course she jumped at the opportunity and has been faithfully at every practice and then last night, she had to ride the bus with the team and the other cheerleaders.  Then went out to eat with them all afterwards.  She's pretty excited about it all.  Which means I'll probably be expected to go to all of the games if she's participating.  Which leads to....

UGH! lol  It was SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HOT!!!  Even after the sun went down it was still H-O-T!  It's monsoon season, so there a little bit of a breeze (hallelujah!), but even then, it was sweltering.  Paul kept looking at me and giggling.  I'd say, "Am I glowing?" lol  He'd just laugh and say, "Yeah, that's what you're doing alright!"  Yeah, truth be told, I was sweating my ass off!  Even worse, we lost the game.  No one was really in their zone and playing right, but it was still a good time.

lurve you, xoxo v.


The truth about V

lurve you, xoxo v.

Poet from week 3 of Rehab....

THIS is the one that really got me!  
Yep, it really hit home and had me sobbing by the end of it.  
It was very personal and very powerful.  
It's part singing and then the slam poet is mixed in.

lurve you, xoxo v.


My latest addiction!

Have you guys been to pinterest.com?   Yeah, I have to say...

My name is Veronica, and I am a pinterest addict.

lurve you, xoxo v.



So our church is doing this series called "Rehab". It's about how we all face issues like worry, depression, the struggle to forgive, etc. During the worship of week one, they did this UH-MAZING drum performance, followed by a slam poet. It's fantastic. The drums come in shortly after the beginning of the video and she is right after them. You'll love it! I was shaking my booty all over the place!
lurve you, xoxo v.


Video update

lurve you, xoxo v.


Okay, since I apparently don't have many patient people in my life,
I went ahead and made private all of the poor-me posts that have been written lately and 
made the blog public again.

Not even the website that figures out all of my statistics for me is patient!
I get  notices from it saying,
"Warning!  Warning!  No one has visited your blog!  Something's wrong!"


All I wanted was to check out for a while and take a little vacation.

Oh well, Here I am.
lurve you, xoxo v.


Emotional cutter....

I have my procedures tomorrow.  The one where they do an uterine oblation to stop the bleeding and then they also will plug my tubes to prevent any future pregnancies since my uterus will no longer be able to carry them.

I'm excited, but I'm sad.  I didn't realize quite how sad until I've spent the past several hours looking through baby pictures online because I wanted to show Allison something, but I can't find it, so I keep looking.  And the more I look, the more melancholy I get.  And then I see a name and I fall in love with the name and think, "I should just call this thing off tomorrow and have a baby instead." (If that doesn't show what an irrational frame of mind I'm in, then what will?)  Tonight I love the names Evelyn, Grace, Olive, Justine, Natalie, Ella.... etc etc etc.  I'd still have to have 50 babies to cover all of the names I love.  And the names are always girls names.  I'd be screwed if I had a boy!

I don't know why I'm looking.  I'm an emotional cutter, I guess.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Take responsibility....

This is the sign I made today.  Tomorrow I'm printing it out and framing it.  I plan to hang it right inside the front door.

Codependency is a disease and I have always been very infected with it.  I am so affected by other people's energy and even though I'm aware that it's happening and I try to battle it, it still happens. I blame it on the codependency although I was once told by a patient that claimed to be a psychic that I am a "sensitive" and that I might not be able to see visions or hear voices, but I am sensitive to other's energy.  I agree with that no matter if the source if codepency or if it's organic.  Maybe the codependency just heightened it.  Who knows.  Either way, sometimes if I'm riding in a car or in a patient's house, I can feel this anxiety overwhelm me when I know that I am in a peaceful, calm mood.  I have to try and figure out if there's something actually bothering ME, or if I'm picking up on the other person's anxiety.

This is the same reason I don't watch horror movies or certain reality tv programs.  Garbage in, garbage out.  It contaminates and I feel it on a deeper level than some people do, I think.

Because of this, my home needs to be a peaceful, loving, gracious, grateful, generous place and I can't stand when it's contaminated by toxic energy... and there has been A LOT of toxic energy around here lately.  I'm over it and it's time for a change.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Pick a side

Here we go again.  Silent treatment.  Tension.  Cancelled plans.  Anger.  Hurt.  Why?  Because I had the nerve to say these words... "Should I have the kids fend for themselves for dinner or did you have plans to make them something before we leave?"  He had a fit accusing me of not caring if the kids eat or not and only being upset that he was sitting on the computer.  I was so taken off-guard by his outburst that I looked at him like he was crazy and started trying to explain myself and he turned his back and started walking out of the room!  I said, "don't walk away from me when I'm trying to talk to you."  He turned around, raised his eyebrows and said, "PPSSSSHHHHHHIIIIIITTT." And walked away.  Hasn't spoken to me since.


It is ridiculous that I am living in a home stuck with a person who acts like this.  It's bullshit is what it is.  What I want is for him to pick a side.  Either be an asshole all of the time.  Be that quick-tempered, disloyal, judgmental, critical, irrational, psychotic and a bit bipolar jerk that you are much of the time so that I know for sure that's who you are and I don't have to question and then we can move on from this.  OR be nice!  Be sweet and friendly and get along with everyone.  Roll with the punches and be easy to get along with.  That way I know that you've really changed and we can move forward.  This back and forth bullcrap?  I'm OVER IT.  It's unhealthy and exhausting and it's not how I want to live.  You're either part of the problem or part of the solution, and right now you're not part of the solution.

lurve you, xoxo v.

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