Emotional cutter....

I have my procedures tomorrow.  The one where they do an uterine oblation to stop the bleeding and then they also will plug my tubes to prevent any future pregnancies since my uterus will no longer be able to carry them.

I'm excited, but I'm sad.  I didn't realize quite how sad until I've spent the past several hours looking through baby pictures online because I wanted to show Allison something, but I can't find it, so I keep looking.  And the more I look, the more melancholy I get.  And then I see a name and I fall in love with the name and think, "I should just call this thing off tomorrow and have a baby instead." (If that doesn't show what an irrational frame of mind I'm in, then what will?)  Tonight I love the names Evelyn, Grace, Olive, Justine, Natalie, Ella.... etc etc etc.  I'd still have to have 50 babies to cover all of the names I love.  And the names are always girls names.  I'd be screwed if I had a boy!

I don't know why I'm looking.  I'm an emotional cutter, I guess.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Allison said…
So glad that God brought you through such an emotional and difficult procedure!! Continuing to pray for healing, both physically and emotionally.

P.S. Did you ever find it?
veronica said…
I did. It's on my pinterest page under "baby stuff". It's the one that looks like a little mugshot. I just thought it was cute and clever.