Graphic of the day

Just an idea

Today a new lightbulb has come on that I'm not sure what to make of. Not sure where it will lead is what I mean. I had been speaking to a nursing travel agency since Friday about an assignment (not that my other job hasn't come through yet, they're just dragging their feet about getting back to me while the clock is still ticking loudly). Anyways, I was looking only in the area that I had planned to move to and told the agency that I would take the housing subsidy vs. using their housing (because I thought you couldn't use their housing if you had a family with you).
Well, I was just looking around on their website and read that all of their housing is private and will fit whatever lifestyle you have--single, single w/kids, married, married with kids, pets, boat...you name it. They will arrange it and pay for a one bedroom and you have to pay the difference above and beyond.
This got me wondering whether or not my family would like to travel for a while and see the country! I know Madelaine will hate, hate, hate it and I don't know if I have the patience to home school Amelia (Scott does more than me, so he might win that position). But, if being homeschooled meant that for 3 months you got to live in Florida or Arizona or California or Washington--or even New York City, wouldn't that be worth it?? I mean besides the fee healthcare, free AAA, completion bonuses and free housing (on TOP of your wages), being able to see places you've never seen would be pretty cool I think. But I'm not my kids. So if I'm able to I want to take this initial assignment and we'll have a family meeting about it. This family needs a vacation so bad it might be a good idea.


This weeks odd google hits

  1. I love you more than quotes
  2. Chill out Francis (this is turning out to be quite popular actually lol)
  3. corey haim feldman rape molest
  4. Wedding pork chops
  5. what does febreeze powder and pamper smell like
  6. girl interrupted tshirt
  7. hoops and yoyo tshirt
  8. corey feldman best friend molested (came from encino, ca...wonder if it was someone famous? lol)
  9. corey haim, corey feldman, argue over molestation (ok people, get over it already!!)
  10. tv megacode sky (wtf?)

To be held

I was listening to this song tonight because I've been having a rough day for many, many reasons. It's one of my all-time favorites and is always a precious reminder that no matter what we are going through, there is a Heavenly Father that will hold us.

Graphic of the day

Found this recently on the web somewhere. This is the picture that hung in my room all of my childhood--and has hung in all of my kids rooms.

Great, I'm doomed!

I was just reading my devotions for today and it was definitely a word in due season for me--nothing I don't already know, but a good reminder. Here's what it said:

"Due season" is God's season, not our. We are in a hurry; God isn't. He takes time to do things right--He lays a solid foundation before He attempts to build a building. We are God's building under construction. He is the Master Builder, and He knows what He is doing. We may not know what He is doing, but He does, and that will have to be good enough. We may not always know, but we can be satisfied to know the One Who knows. God's timing seems to be his own little secret...It seems that He takes every available opportunity to develop the fruit of patience in us...Patience is a fruit of the Spirit that grows under trial...Patience is vital to the development of our full potential. Actually, our potential is only developed as our patience is developed. It is God's way--there is no other, so why not settle down and enjoy the journey?

Great, I'm DOOMED!! lol That was my first thought anyways. Actually, Allison and I were talking about just this thing tonight on the phone and I was voicing my impatience (go figure!) with God still trying to teach me this lesson. I KNOW that God always comes through at the last minute and that he will ALWAYS take care of me. I KNOW IT. Can't we move on to something else now and finally cut me a break in that area??? *sigh* No. Because I guess I still don't know it all the way. I still stress and try to figure things out myself. Sorry Lord, I'll keep working on it. Thank you for being so faithful to me--I love you (more than pork chops).

How I'm feeling tonight


Graphic of the day

One more reason I know she's my kid

Poor Maddie! I guess I'm not the only one with crazy, vivid dreams! I got this email from Madelaine this morning:

"last night i had the weirdest dream okay first we live back in brownell and you were just about to marry Santa Claus and i couldn't make it because i was in the hospital because i broke my nail. and i saw you and everybody at the mall and you Santa walked in to Claires and you came out with a lip piercing eyebrow piercing and bellybutton piercing and you had orange streaks in your hair. when i told you you looked really bad you went into claires and started crying and then you told me if i come any closer you will hurt me and then you said you hated me after we went to subway for lunch. even though i know it is just a dream i woke up crying. i love you more than pork chops xoxoxo"

You Tarzan, We Jane

I was reading some stuff over at momlogic.com and came across a list of men's top ten sex complaints. Feeling rather cynical in this area and wondering what the heck they have to complain about, I started reading. Do you know that on every one of these lists I've ever read, the woman not initiating the bowm chicka wow wow is ALWAYS listed as one of the top ones??? This blows my mind. Seriously. Fellas! Gather round! Listen, we are MADE to be chased! Women LOVE to be chased! We are hard-wired to be chased! Just like YOU are hard-wired to be chaserrrrrs. Are you gettin' my drift? You are created to be hunters and gathers. You tarzan, we Jane. Can you imagine if the caveman used to sit around the cave scratching their bellies all depressed because their cavemama didn't pounce them and take control??? Hell no! He was the MAN (*insert testosterone filled grunts here*)! He TOOK his woman!
Frankly gentleman, I don't think I'm speaking by myself here when I say that it appears as if the entire globe has turned way too soft. You're looking like a bunch of pus***s when it comes to romancing and seducing your women! MAN UP!!! If your relationship isn't fulfilling your needs, it's up to you to fix it Don Juan!
At a marriage retreat that we went to, our old pastor had said "You can tell the spiritual state of a man by looking in the eyes of his wife." The guest speaker who was a chiropractor/sex therapist said that he can also see the state of the couple's sex life by looking in the eyes of the wife. It's an important thing--and it's YOUR JOB fellas!
Basically, to sum it all up--I don't feel sorry for any man who is complaining or pouting like a little girl about the sex life in their relationship. Any man who's whining about it obviously doesn't know how to treat his woman anyways!
If there's any man reading this that would like to debate this with me, I would LOVE to hear your comments! I welcome them! Ladies, what do you think?


Graphic of the day

OCD in da house!

It's not necessarily the packing that's so tiring--it's the sorting AND the packing! One way that I've managed to keep the OCD in check over the years is to AVOID. It boils down to the whole fight or flight instinct--if I don't want to be a full-fledge OCD hot mess every day obsessing over how the spoons are put away (for example), then it's easier to just stay away from it and not pay attention to how it's done. If the fam is willing to do the work, I will just stay out of their way! The problem is that when it comes down to moving time, I have to face head-on the four years of avoidance that I've done. I let them have their way and you know what? They're PIGS!

This has been building up little by little but today there was an obsessive explosion as I started working on kitchen! ECCCHHHH!!! BLAH!!! I just had to get that out of the way. I spent the afternoon and evening with a spong, scrub pad, towel and bleach spray by my side. Every single little thing had to be scrubbed--even things that just came out of the dishwasher! They just weren't washed to my standards. If it was worth it to me, it got washed. If it wasn't, it's out.

The kitchen is REALLY a mess now. I finally threw my hands up in defeat, took a shower and climbed into bed. I'll try more again tomorrow.

Emma quote of the day

Missing my Emma quotes like I have been, my mom called me with one today. And it's a doozy! lol The other day my mom was signing Emma up for a daycamp at the local park. Emma was SO excited about it and then out of the blue later that afternoon, she called me at work:
"Mommy, I need you to PLEASE say lots of prayers for me about tomorrow! I'm so scared."* bordering of tears*
"Why are you scared? You love to swim!"
"I don't know. What if I get too close to the edge and drown? What if no one comes to pick me up? What if something bad happens?"
I assured her that I would pray extra hard for her (which I did) and told her it would all be ok, then asked to talk to grandma. I asked her to please make sure Emma really wanted to go because something was up--my baby just called me to REQUEST PRAYER!! lol
Well, my mom tells me tonight that the day they were filling out the application for daycamp, Amelia had been reading the application to herself beforehand. Later she came to my mom seemingly scared to death and nervous, wringing her hands--the whole bit.
"Grandma, what does this mean on here where it says, 'sex'?"
"Here where it says, 'sex'."
"Oh! That just means whether you're a boy or a girl."
*Obviously relieved* "Oh! 'Cause I thought it meant...you know."
Poor girl!!! No wonder she was requesting prayer! lol Her little 7-year-old brain was probably scared to death! lol


Friday fifteen

  1. I'm battling my cold turning into bronchitis. I can feel it trying it's hardest to do so. I'm coughing and deep breathing to try and stop it.
  2. Tomorrow is yard sale day again. Say a prayer of good luck for us.
  3. My house is trashed dude! Seriously--packing and sorting does a number on your house!
  4. Sometimes I hate how honest I am. I'm usually pretty good at keeping my mouth closed until confronted or asked about what's bothering me or what I think--then I let it rip. Which leads me to number 5...
  5. My mantra today has been, "Where mercy is shown, mercy is given." I liked myself a lot better when I used to live that out every day. I've changed over the past few years because I've let my circumstances get to me again and I don't like it.
  6. I saw the evil one's scary redneck brother at work today. I don't think he saw me, but not because my awkward stupid butt wasn't obvious. I walked up to a drawer at the nurses station at the same time he walked up to the other side of the counter to talk to another nurse. I kind of freaked and just started spinning in circles trying to figure out where I could hide. I didn't find anywhere so I ducked down behind the counter to pretend that I was digging through the drawer. I looked like an idiot! lol I immediately called Joleen & left her a message saying, "I just say Ira at work--do you think he'll hurt me???" Long story--he has a very sketchy past.
  7. Another dumb fact about me: I'm very pillow specific. I have to have MY pillows and one is fluffier than the other. I have to start out with the fluffy big one and then about half-way through the night I switch to the flatter one. And I'm also a pillow-flipper. I need the cold side of the pillow. I think Scott's passive-aggressive way of getting back at me sometimes it to take my pillow and be sleeping on it before I get home from work.
  8. I think Chris Nunez from Miami Ink is so freakin' hot.
  9. I'm hardly ever on myspace anymore. I didn't think that would ever be possible. lol
  10. I'm afraid of tornadoes and every time there's a watch or a warning I started praying hard.
  11. I don't know HOW I'm going to go back to school full-time in a month. The thought of it is so overwhelming. If God wants me there, he'll fix that in me. If he doesn't I'm quitting for now. I am overwhelmed.
  12. I miss my "Emma Quotes." She's so funny.
  13. Confession: I'm NOT smarter than my 5th grader. lol I heard during the evening prayer at work that the following day was the first day of summer so I called Maddie (because she lives for that kind of stuff). "Do you know what tomorrow is?"
    "The first day of summer, why?" "Oh, I thought I'd surprise you! Ok, ok...so do you know what's special about the first day of summer?" "It's the longest day of the year." *cricket, cricket*
  14. My house is for sale in five days. Please pray that we don't end up homeless before all the loose ends are tied up. Thanks.
  15. I've backed off on the gutting of my home in retaliation against the "man". I feel guilty about how prideful I can be and want my motives to be right--and they're not. I'm mad as hell. I know God will be faithful to bring me through that too.

Random question

Do you have a tan?

Ha! Only if "bleach" is the new tan! lol I prefer to think of it as "porcelain" thank you very much.

Graphic of the day

aka "The Allison Pose"

Graphic of the day


Graphic of the day

I have SO MUCH clipart! Seriously, I am fanatical about saving things I see online that I think are cute, funny, whatever. Because of that, I have way too much stored on my computer because I just know I'll have a reason to use it someday. Soooo, I've decided to just post a picture a day on here. In no particular order and not necessarily with any explanation, there will be a clipart of the day beginning to appear. I hope you enjoy some (or all) of them! :)

Poor Carl :(

I just broke the news to my best platonic man-friend that I'm moving away. He didn't take it so well. Basically, he ended up doing the "Fred Sanford" and clutching his chest. lol There was a lot of cussing--f-bombs in particular--and a lot of "Oh my gosh I'm having chest pains...I gotta sit down." Bless his heart for loving me so much! I offered to let him have my family move in with him since he wanted us to stay in this area and that turned him 'round real quick. lol I was told, "No no no no honey. That would NOT be good for us. Because you'd live like a fool and I'd have to put you out." hahaha He quickly reverted to thinking he was having a stroke after he asked, "So when do you plan to do all of this?" And I answered about 3 weeks. Yeah, he didn't handle that so well.
I had planned on having a farewell party before we go, but figured after this yard sale I might not have any furniture, appliances or even countertops to set things on, it might not be a good idea. lol So he wants to take me out this weekend. He wanted to go clubbing and I told him I don't think I'm up for all that right now. He responded with calling me an old broken-down crippled biaaatch. I then responded with asking him if he wants to be the kettle or the pot today. I'm gonna miss him so much. I always joke with him that he's going to marry me (even though I'm already married--mostly because the LIKELIHOOD of him marrying anyone--let alone ME is way out there). So I teased him that of course I'd keep in touch, especially since he's my baby daddy and that really especially since we're almost married. He was like, "WHAT?" I said yeah Carl, I've been wifey for over five years now--only another year and a half and I'm going to be common-law. He responded with, "Oh hell!" lol


I've been tagged--thanks Lisa! :)

I’ve been tagged....
Here you go Lisa!

Once you have been tagged, you have to write a blog with 30 weird, random things, facts, habits, or goals about yourself.

At the end choose 10 people to be tagged, listing their names and why you chose them. Don't forget to leave them a comment (you're it) and to read your blog.

1. I analyze. Constantly. Actually, it could probably be classified as worry, but I don't personally feel that way because to me worry means you have doubts about how it will turn out--and I KNOW it's gonna be ok.

2. I am very shy (me too Lisa!) when I don't know you. I have terrible social anxiety. One of my old friends said I come off as "aloof"--which was supposed to be a compliment I think because he said it made me mysterious and attractive. lol

3. I'm a cereal fanatic. I could eat cereal for every meal AND for dessert. lol I'm actually eating a bowl right now!

4. I feel like the worst relative on the earth because I keep 99% of my family at arms length. I've gotten really tired in life of investing in people who don't return the favor and so it's easier to not get too invested than to have one-way relationships.

5. I HATE when people mess with my stuff. Seriously, I don't share well. lol I do when it comes to some things, but most things I want left alone. I don't care if I haven't touched it in six months, I want to know that it is there when I finally need it in exactly the same condition that I left it. Ties in with the whole trust thing and needing my life to be predictable I guess.

6. My pets gross me out. I'm NOT a good pet owner/animal person. I sit in my room with the door shut because the thought of the cats on my bed grooming themselves and dander and ...well, it's just too much to think about. BLAH!

7. Number six should make it obvious to those that don't already know that I have OCD. lol I have done a really good job in life of controlling and hiding it, but it lives with a vengeance in my brain. And germs, gunk, filth, (*hurl*) are the things that get me bad.

8. I secretly listen when people are in the bathroom to hear if they wash their hands when they're done.--OCD I know.

9. I have HORRIBLE allergies (hayfever type stuff--not medications). I've just taken two benadryls and my nose is still running like a faucet.

10. I forget everything....if I don't write it down...it doesn't get done. I actually program EVERYTHING into the calendar of my phone.

11. I tend to avoid church because I'm not sure where I belong. I know that I have the same beliefs as my independent, fundamental Baptist upbringing--but I am so over the judgement and legalism that comes with it that I am inclined to never step foot in another church like that.

12. I am such a horrible singer! lol My voice is awful--but that doesn't stop me.

13. I'm a food-aholic. I could eat day and night.

14. I have the CRAZIEST most vivid dreams. I think that Stephen King has dreams like mine and that's how he writes his short stories. I've often thought about doing the same.

15. I'm a homebody. I NEVER leave my house unless I absolutely have to. It's just not fun for me like it is for most people. When I do get out, I'm counting down the minutes until I can go home.

16. I know that I am married, but I still feel like the one I'm supposed to be with is out there somewhere. I feel guilty about that and I'm afraid of judgement--those are the only reasons i'm still married.

17. I feel very unpretty lately.
18. I hate the smell of cigarette smoke just about as much as I hate germs. It is the nastiest, most putrid smell (and habit) I can think of.

19. I've always been attracted to "pretty boys", but lately the idea of a more rugged bad boy with a tattoo and shaggy hair is so appealling to me. I think I'm wanting a MANLY MAN who can and will protect me and take care of me and make me feel like a feminine woman. I want to smell testosterone from across the room!

20. I wish I was skinner....like I was in High School. But, I lack the motivation to get myself there. (me too Lisa)

21. I am soooooo nosey! lol I am a super snoop and think I should have been a private investigator instead of a nurse--because I'm really good at it.

22. I HATE the sound of someone knocking on the front door. It freaks me out and I usually won't answer it. I have this deep-seated fear that it's the police (don't ask me why, I don't know) or someone wanting money from me or someone from the evil one's family--or the evil one himself. Basically, if you don't call first, please don't come knock on my door.

23. Someone on facebook last week described me as being able to "run a country". I thought that was such a great compliment! Others might not get it, but I do because I truly can juggle 50 things in my life. I can run several businesses (self-taught by googling and reading books), deal with kids, stress, work AND whip out some kick-butt graphics. lol Not tooting my own horn, just acknowledging how hard I work sometimes.

24. If I saw money laying on the sidewalk I'd keep it and not turn it in.

25. I'm a reality show junkie.

26. I've discovered I like sleeping alone. I used to complain that Scott sleeps on the couch most nights, but now when he sleeps in our bed I hate it.

27. I have an aversion to bright colors. My mom jokes and says that my favorite color is "clear".

28. I have no close friends within a 3 1/2 radius of me. Joleen kind of, a few times a year, but other than that none.

29. I'm addicted to the internet. I think it's because that's where my "real" life is since I have no friends or family around here that have anything to do with me. All of my entertainment and friendship is on the computer.

30. Next to my bed within arms reach are always--something to drink (usually water because it doesn't leave a nasty taste in your mouth while sleeping), lotion, chapstick, cellphone, pen, paper.
Ok, I know that was really boring. Sorry people. Here's who's tagged!

4. Kim
5. Rita
6. Maribel
7. Milie
8. Rachel
9. Heather
10. Brit Gal


The Two Coreys

Tonight I watched the season premier of The Two Coreys. Let me start by saying that in the 80's when they were in their hey-day, I couldn't give a rip about these two guys. These were never boys that I even gave a second look. But now, I'm fascinated with the idea of looking behind closed doors (especially to people my own age) and seeing how they operate, how they are doing and how they came through it all. It's because of this that last year when season 1 of this show came out I jumped at watching it.
Season 1 I actually hated. lol I did. I felt it was mostly fake and staged with bits and pieces of truth peeking through. It was the bits and pieces that kept me coming back. And the fact that if I did HAVE to pick one of them back then, it would've been Corey Haim--and now he is a bipolar, addicted train wreck. That freaked me out. Corey Feldman is this totally sober, mature, grounded and centered, romantic MAN and Corey Haim is-----well, my husband. *sigh* The two boys that I never looked at before are a parrallel picture of my life. I LOVED Scott in high school. Oh man did I love him. I dug him so much that twenty years later I was still searching for him on the internet! Well, I found him. And I got him. And now I'm married to Corey Haim.
So, this is basically what kept me watching last year. I wanted to see how this all panned out and how this relationship between the totally hot and evolved (that would be ME in this relationship lol) Feldman dealt with and resolved issues with the totally messed up Haim. It didn't end pretty.
So several weeks ago I saw a commercial for season 2 and I have been counting down the days. I even set an alarm in my phone to remind me! So after a long, hard days work--and many frustrations along the way. Like my Haim of a husband (I think that will be his new nickname) having UNPACKED a whole box of fragile things that I had wrapped and gingerly placed perfectly in a box to protect them while moving and dumping it all on top of a dresser so that he could throw some things for the yard sale in it to carry outside because he was too lazy to tape up a new box of his own. And then LEFT my things laying there. I was PISSED. But not as pissed as I was when I confronted him about it and he ROLLED HIS EYES AT ME and walked away from me. I was sooooo irritated. THEN when I was cleaning out the front closet, Darren was the one who actually found an old lotion jar that Scott had washed out and was using to hide money. This isn't about him having a few dollars of his own. This is about the fact that he went out of his way and premeditated it so much that he WASHED out a container to HIDE money and found a spot for it. With all the issues about him being deceitful with money in the past, this hit a nerve in me big-time.
Anyways, after all that I came back here and sat down to watch The Two Coreys. This season looks like it's going to be SO good. It is so totally different than last year and is so raw and real. Their relationship had hit a point where Haim had done some really destructive things and Feldman had enough. They haven't spoken in six months and aren't sure they even want to--so they decided to try a last-ditch attempt at therapy. And because they have been friends for so long and things are so messed up, they are going to couples therapy, which I found a little funny and ironic since I kept thinking that they were a picture of me and Scott. lol It was a mess. What's most disturbing to me though is that I can look at this "couple" and see so clearly that Feldman (with his sexy butt) needs to totally ditch Haim and never look back. He is like an anchor around his neck. But I can't do that in my life. I'm afraid of judgment from the "religious" community and so many other obstacles. And I keep holding out hope over hope over hope. I'm gonna keep watching to see how the season goes. Theirs and mine.
Am I the only one catching the HUGE, MASSIVE hint that Haim was molested by Michael Jackson???? All of the "you knew that this GUY you had become best friends with was molesting your 14 year old friend and you continued to hang out and be 'best friends' with him?" That's not cool...

Me and my boy

Although it went WAY too fast, I had a really good weekend. Darren came over to spend a few days and I have to say--it was nice. There was a time that I couldn't say that, but I can now. Not only was he a big help with the packing and what not, but he was a joy to spend time with. We watched several movies together and just hung out. It does a heart good.

Random question

This is the first random question I will be listing. I get asked (through surveys, general conversation, etc.) a lot of questions--some strange, some not. I decided to start throwing them out there to the universe. I've answered them, now you can too. Leave me a comment and let me know your answers!

What historical figure have you always found yourself inexplicably drawn to or related to?

My answer: Marie Antoinette


Friday fifteen

  1. I saw an amish man smoking a cigarette while driving his horse and buggy. I laughed when he hurried to hide it when he made eye contact with me.
  2. I had my annual eval today at work. It went great. Then she wrote me up for my attendance afterwards. lol *oops*
  3. I'm getting a cold or something--my throat hurts.
  4. Tomorrow is an unofficial first day to our series of "Stick it to the man" yard sales. I'm selling everything that will come loose from this house! I'm sure a crack head would buy an old kitchen cabinet for $5.00! lol
  5. Embarrassing fact about me: I often go hungry or eat junk because I've never been good at using the can opener. lol True story! I know, I know. But it's true. If Scott is sleeping and can't open it for me, I'll go hungry before I'll try to use it usually. lol
  6. Another embarrassing fact: I suck at buttering bread. lol My mom always had to do it for me because I would totally destroy and rip up the bread while buttering it and not sure if I still would because I tend to avoid that too.
  7. I know they still visit my blog and that's fine with me--but at least I don't have to see the words "Sherwin Williams" every day anymore because they are being more discreet. And I appreciate it.
  8. Speaking of which, I passed three freakin' Sherwin Williams trucks on the way home from my interviews this week. I cussed at every single one.
  9. I opened my graphics site this week. You can find the link over there on the side of the page. I still have to add some more premade headers and also some free graphics this weekend.
  10. I miss my kids. I'm really enjoying the quiet time, but I miss hearing their little voices and them cuddling in bed with me. I even miss waking Amelia up at night to go potty and giggling at her sleepy confusion.
  11. I need to burn some new mix cd's for driving--I'm so sick of the Black Eyed Peas I could puke.
  12. My fave new lipstick is covergirl tru shine in "petal shine". It's a pale pink/nude color and looks great and natural. And this stuff is really smooth and comfortable. And it doesn't stink. That's important because I hate stinky lipstick.
  13. I made a blog header for someone this week where we had to list around the edges some of her most popular sayings. Then this evening I said something was "fabulous" and Allison pointed out that was one of MY most popular words. lol So I'm wondering--what do you all think are my top "Veronicaisms"? Leave the comment anonymously if you don't want me or anyone else to know who you are--yes, those are truly ANONYMOUS comments.
  14. there was a tie score on the poll regarding how I should redecorate my blog. 3 votes for pink, 3 votes for green and 3 votes for "I like it the way it is". I only know who one of those voters is because those are also anonymous and only one person gave herself up. And what's up with there only being NINE votes? Hello! That's like how much traffic is here every HOUR! And that's all that would vote in a whole week? MOM--you're the only one who has official permission to keep lurking because I know that's how you roll and I'm ok with that, but the rest of you! Hey! Get your butts out here and vote! Geesh! I've made the comments anonymous AND the freakin' polls anonymous so that you can run out, comment or vote as quickly as possible, then scurry right back to your shadows! It's really ok. Should I entice you with some candy or something? lol
  15. I can't think of fifteen today. I should've made it five. lol I wish I had the money to go on vacation while the kids were gone. There that's it. Sorry so unimpressive. Maybe next week will be better. :)

Quick catch-up

I've gotten several emails and voicemails today wondering what happened at the interviews (because I've been too sleepy to do any blogging today). So I decided to peel myself off of the sheets before I have to go to work and update everyone.
  • Interviews went really, really good. The first one was with my future (hopefully) boss. At the beginning she said, "I'm looking for someone with that fire in her belly" and at the end she said, "Don't be nervous about tomorrow--just be yourself and you're going to do fantastic because you have that fire and they're going to love you." I thought that was nice. :) So the next morning I had another interview with all the managers in the hospital (being a supervisor position I have to work with all of them). They had a HUGE packet of questions they had to ask me and by about 3/4 of the way through the one lady looked at the others and said, "Do we even need to continue this? Because I think she's fantastic!" And they all agreed and called it quits. They then shook my hands and said they thought I was a perfect fit and went to get me a diet coke from the executive lounge (whereas before they just offered me water--I am SO in there! lol j/k). The final interview was a peer interview and as I suspected--they were the toughest! The day before as I was figuring out to wear, I was trying to explain to Allison that the nurses would be the roughest on me because they like to devour their own. lol And I was right--to a point. By the end they were kind of ok, but at first they were hard-asses! They came in and sat there with folded arms looking at me like, "You think you're better than us?". Hopefully they liked me ok. I seriously couldn't tell.
  • I still don't know what I'll be making. I'm in negotiations with human resources because the first number they came back at me with would actually be a pay CUT by a few dollars from what I'm making now. I don't think so. She had forgotten that she had already let it slip what I would make there as a floor nurse with my experience and it is the SAME number she just gave me for this! I called her on it and told her no way and she said she would go to her boss and rework it and call me back.
  • The trip was good but Scott was sick. It started over a week ago and he insisted it was food poisoning. I thought it was withdraw from a med he had run out of. A week later it was still going on and he was getting worse. It takes A LOT to impress me and make me worry about someone's health and yesterday afternoon I was worried. I told him as soon as we got back I was taking him to the hospital. I started praying big-time because between you & me (since he never reads this) I had visions of him dying. I KNOW he had some kind of a bowel obstruction and every tiny bump in the road he was screaming in pain. He was cold and clammy and throwing up often--he just wasn't good. He kept falling asleep in the car (which just does not do) and I kept looking over to make sure he was still breathing. He was oblivious to the seriousness of it though (as usual) and was flat out refusing to go to the hospital which was ticking me off and so I started thinking, "fine! go home and die in your sleep if that's what you want!" Luckily, soon after we got home things started moving along (literally lol) and today he still doesn't feel good, but he's getting better.
Ok, I'm off to work now. This is gonna be a rough night because I'm exhausted (still). I don't feel good and my fatigue is at like a level 10. THANK YOU SO MUCH to everyone who was and is praying for me! I appreciate it so much and I ask that you please keep it up! :)

Sooooo tired.

Let me tell you how tired I am. For those that know me, hopefully you'll be able to wrap your brain around the hugeness that is what I'm about to say. By 10:25 last night I was falling asleep while typing and HAD to lay down and sleep. I then slept 12 hours straight with NO AMBIEN. I know. I also never woke up to go pee, put on chapstick, lotion, check my phone, take tylenol, etc. Just slept. AND I wouldn't have woken up at that point if my boss hadn't called me to ask if I could come in early and help out on the outpatient unit with blood transfusions and other things. Bummer (sorry but NOT) that I wasn't able to because Scott had doctor's appointments. I'm now trying to be awake but it isn't working so well. I have two hours till I have to get ready for work and I think that I'm going to go back to sleep till then. Don't get me wrong--I'm THRILLED that I'm sleeping heavily on my own. I mean it's like Halley's comet--it doesn't come around often. I'm just surprised by it. I hope I'm not getting sick or something. I'm just gonna take it as the blessing that it is and I'm going to remember the scripture that I often meditate on when I lay there trying and trying and trying to sleep:
Psalm 4:8 "For I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou Lord only makest me dwell in safety."
Thank you Lord for the beautiful gift of sleep last night. Amen.



Well, the first job face-to-face interview went fabulously! :) The manager was SO nice (as was everyone at this hospital--seriously) and we talked for a while. She then gave me a tour of the hospital, ED, ICU, and where my office would be. She was very encouraging and seemed to like me a lot. Afterward we went to see a house that Shawnda had emailed us about. It looks GORGEOUS on the outside, but was too expensive. The guy agreed to meet us there at 5:30, so we had a little time to kill. We went to the store to buy a pair of flip flops because I forgot that the heels I brought to wear give me nasty blisters. So after walking around Meijer's barefoot like a big hilljack, we bought a paper and decided to drive past a few other houses that were less expensive. NO. They were not good. So back we went to the first house to meet the guy. Once going inside we saw that the place hadn't been updated in probably twenty years. The master bath had blue basins, tub and toilet (um, hello? The 80's called--it wants it's bathroom back!). Needless to say that it was a mess and needed A LOT of TLC. I told the guy showing it that they either needed to come down on the price or they needed to do some major updating in a lot of areas. First he argued with me that the house had not been sitting empty for very long and I argued back that yes it had because Shawnda's grandparent live right across the street and we knew how long it had been empty. Second he wanted to argue with me about the updates that the house needed and that it was worth every price. I told him that any house that they're asking $1100 a month for needed to not have blue toilets, busted porch lights, water stains on the ceiling and WAY overgrown landscaping. He continued in his very male chauvinistic way and was getting angrier by the minute that a girl had the nerve to talk to him that way, so I just shook his hand and said, "We're obviously not on the same page and that's ok. If your other applicants are willing to pay this price for this then let them. But if and when it continues to sit empty and you're willing to lower your price, give me a call--because I would like to live here and I would be a good tenant." And I got in my car and drove away.
As soon as I got in the car, I texted Shawnda the word "douchebag" and she texted back with some opinions of her own and we drove away. No we're home chilling for the evening and getting ready to eat spaghetti. I have my interview with all the managers in the hospital tomorrow at 10am and then at 11am I have my "peer" interview with a group of nurses from the hospital. *Phew!* Please keep praying that it goes well and that God also sends us a NICE, affordable, good neighborhood place to live. Thanks!


Survey for the bored

Random Survey For the Bored

What is on your desktop wallpaper?
hoops and yoyo (if you don\'t know who they are go to hoops&yoyo.com)
What is your favorite zoo animal?
the monkeys
What was your favorite toy as a child?
What food do you eat too much of?
What kind of hairstyle do you have?
short, flippy
What was your favorite activity in gym class?
leaving because it was over! ok, if I have to pick one--archery
What is on the shirt you're wearing right now?
nothing--white wife beater
What is the picture nearest to you of?
none because they\'re all packed away
What kind of salad dressing do you like?
ranch, french, thousand island
Whats your least favorite food?
exotic foods like tripe or snails or other nastiness
What do you do on a Sunday night?
If you could only use one condiment on your food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
What color are your sheets?
brown, beige and navy blue striped
How big is your computer display?
What pair of shoes do you wear most often?
black flip flops
What is your favorite game?
I\'m not a game person. Only online word-type games
What is your favorite Thanksgiving food?
stuffing (crouton, NOT cornbread)
What is your favorite pizza topping?
sausage (although bbq chicken sounds good right now)
What time do you plan on waking up tomorrow?
around 1 or 2
What is your favorite day of the year?
the day after thanksgiving--the whole aura of the world changes when christmas season comes.
Take This Survey at Quizopolis.com



Date night

Tonight was date night. I had free tickets to the movies from when the movie projector ate up "Sex and the City" and we decided to use those tonight. Out of a desire to throw a random act of kindness at my husband, I agreed to let him pick the movie. *sigh* lol He ended up choosing "The Happening" and I didn't complain too much because it's an M. Night Shyamalan movie and I usually like him. Plus it has John Leguizamo (LOVE) and Zooey Daschanel (LOVE LOVE! She was in Elf--duh!) in it so I figured it would be really good. It looked like a mystery/suspense type of thing which is ok with me. Well, no. No no no no no no no no. DO NOT go see this movie--it is probably the worst movie I have seen in a LONG time.
I'm not going to give any spoilers for all you babies who will send me scathing emails after this, so don't worry! lol BUT, it was not a suspense/thriller--it was plain ol' gore. Twilight zone gone bad with a lot of blood and senseless violence. Let me just say that I am NOT a horror movie kind of girl. I hate ever second of that kind of mess and this was one of those times. I felt violated after watching that--like movie rape. The fact that someone has the audacity to insult my senses like that. Ok, I'll climb off of my soapbox now (I know, you're all saying, "so tell me how you REALLY feel..." lol).
All of this garbage aside, I totally kept my mouth shut and my opinions to myself. (I know right?) I decided that this was Scott's night and I would just close my eyes and turn my head during the bad parts so that I would never have those visions stuck in my head (garbage in, garbage out) and even though I managed to keep quiet, I still found myself really angry and resentful of my husband by the time it was over. Thoughts such as, "I didn't drag him to freakin' "27 Dresses" or "Sex and the City" kept racing through my mind.
Then we got in the car. And he took my hand and said, "I am so sorry for landing you in a movie like that. I had no idea that's what it would be and I am so, so sorry." With those simple, loving words the clouds started to lift because I remembered just what a good-hearted, sweet man my husband is. He would never do something like that on purpose. Out of ignorance sure. But never on purpose. There may be many a thing that I wish were different about him, but his heart will never be one of them.

Waiting for the water to move

In John 5 the story of the healing by the pool of Bethesda. I always love this story but feel that it is particularly pertinent to my life right now.
For those of you who aren't familiar with it, there was a pool that an angel would touch and stir up the water once a year--the first person into the waters after they were moved would be totally healed. Because of this, there were always sick and crippled people laying all around the pool.
One day, Jesus walked through there and approached a man that had been laying there for 38 years. THIRTY EIGHT YEARS in the same situation! Even I'm not that bad! lol Anyways, when Jesus asked him if he was serious about getting better, the man had a ton of excuses (he had no one to carry him to the pool, someone always got there ahead of him, etc.). Jesus told him to get up, take his bed and walk--and he did.
In this modern day of the written word--email, IM's, texts--we can all appreciate how "tone" is sometime so difficult to tell just by reading. Sometimes you just can't tell how someone is saying something like you could if you were in their presence. I think reading about this situation by the pool of Bethesda is one of those situations. What I love about my Jesus is the fact that yes he was loving, compassionate, sinless, etc.--but he wasn't just a doormat that sat around all pious-like with his hands clasped in front of his chest saying all sweet and gentle, "Rise, take up thy bed and walk". No, I believe he said it louder than that and what you would have heard is Jesus looking this man in the eye and shouting, "GET UP!" Every translation that I've looked in besides the King James Version has an exclamation point at the end of it--so I don't think I'm alone in this theory either!
God doesn't want us to give up hope! Your breakthrough can be right around the corner and you will never ever know it if you lay there making excuses as to why you can't move forward. Jesus didn't stand there petting the man's head saying, "I know honey, I'm sorry you're down and out. Hopefully it will get better soon." No, he said GET UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is pertinent to me today because I feel like I have had nothing but roadblocks come before me over the years. One thing after another--and it's exhausting! I always joke that I am Murphy's Law or that I am a cosmic flystrip and all the crap flying around sticks to me. Carl jokes and calls me a "freak-beacon" because if there is a freak within 50 yards they will be attracted to me. lol
Even right now when all around me feels like it is crumbling--my home is being sold by the sheriff in 17 days because I refuse to continue letting those demons at Countrywide steal my soul anymore. Everytime I think there should be plenty of money coming in to save for a new home--there's nothing. I got sick and had to call off of work for nearly two weeks (like I can afford that now!). I still don't have the final word on a new job. I don't have a new home to move to yet. I can go on and on. For a lot of people in the world, this would be the point where their life changes--for the worse. This is the point where they would become homeless or substance abusers and they would have the story of, "I used to be 'somebody'". But God doesn't want that! God is like a drill sargeant in my ear shouting, "Don't you DARE lie down! You may not know what's gonna happen, but I do! Your breakthrough is RIGHT AROUND THE CORNER! GET UP!!!"
And he doesn't just mean up on the outside either--he means up on the inside too. I need to keep encouraged and hopeful and know that it's going to get better. Instead of laying down to die, I just know--I know that I know that I know--that moving far away is going to bring WONDERFUL changes into my life and the life of my family. I can feel it in my bones--just like those people laying around the pool at Bethesda KNEW that if they were the first ones in they would be healed. What else could make them lay around the same spot just watching and waiting for so long? Being "up" on the inside even though they were "down" on the outside is what. They knew it was coming--the waters were going to be moved--and they were going to have a wonderful life.
I may not know the specifics of what's going to happen to us in the coming days because--well, that's how God likes to roll with me. But I do know that he has told me to get up--and I am.

Sassy Girl Graphics

Sassy Girl Graphics is finally up and running!!! Woohoo! I've been making graphics for myself and friends for years and now I'm finally going to do it for others! :) And p.s...Thanks to Kim P. for being my first official customer! :)


The difference between 16 and 10

I was packing up some things in Madelaine's room today and started sorting through a pile of Courtney's belongings that she had left here. There were some hair products, some clothes--then out dropped a piece of folded up paper. I opened it up and saw a bunch of numbers written in Courtney's handwriting. It suddenly occurred to me that this was my CREDIT CARD INFORMATION. I was FURIOUS. I called her and of course she claimed to know nothing about it. The more I tore into her butt she started to say, "Well, I won't say that I didn't write it--I'm just saying I don't remember writing it."
After attempting to cool down, I went back in and tried to continue packing. I picked a decorative pillow up off of Maddie's bed that has a zippered cover on it--and I felt something crumbly inside like a piece of folded up paper. I instantly started yelling, "OH HELLLLL NO! NOW MADDIE'S HIDING THINGS TOO???" I unzipped the pillow and shoved my hand inside........................... only to find an old skittles wrapper. She didn't want anyone to steal her candy. I wish I could freeze them at that age forever.


Today's new find favorite song

Project moving away: Part I

I just got off of the phone from phase I of the interviewing process for my (hopefully) new job. I have to admit that it was the first interview I ever did while wearing my pajamas and eating ice cream out of the carton! lol
It was with the Director of Nursing and went extremely well. His words were, "Well, you sound like a fantastic fit for this position and am very excited to bring you in for manager and peer interview so that we can make this official." WOOT-WOOT! :)
That means that next week after work, I have to either find a red-eye flight or hop in a car and drive way-too-far in hopes of making it there by my first interview of the day (there will be 3 total).
I'm so excited and I'm praying that nothing goes wrong. I know that God will put me exactly where I'm supposed to be and will provide whatever we need--I'm just ready for some smooth sailing for a while. And this position sounds pretty awesome and I am really excited about it. It's a nursing supervisor position, but it doesn't have as much of the staffing and bed-control issues as our supervisors have. Wish me luck, say some prayers for me and send me good energy everyone!!! :)



I'm sitting here eating my chinese food (yeah diet schmiet) and watching some DVR shows that I have recorded. I find myself migrating to certain shows when in certain moods and today I'm watching a lot of "Intervention."
For those who have not seen this show, it's a show about addicts of all sorts--meth, crack, alchohol, prescription meds, gambling, etc. and the destruction that these addictions wreaks on not only their lives but the lives of their families. Some of the stories are so sad and unfortunately so familiar. Having grown up surrounded by addiction (alcoholism, drugs--you name it), these situations and the feelings they bring are so real to me. I am (to my own detriment) drawn to addicts because that is what I recognize, but at the same time I hate it so much. The fact that I am a nurturer and a caretaker has become something that I resent instead of seeing it as the blessing that it really is because it has been wrongly used in my life.
The other reason that this hits home so much for me is that I know what it's like to look that demon in the face. Having gone through all of the horrible things in my life, I have been tempted to drown my sorrows into numbness just like any other person has. The fact that I know how strongly addiction runs in my family is one of the main things that has saved me. It's a door that I'm scared to death to even open. That's why I can honestly say that I have NEVER done drugs--not even once in my life. I'm honest enough to admit that it's not because I've never been curious or tempted, but because I have seen too many times where that road leads and I'm afraid that once I step foot on the path that I won't be able to get off of it.
I remember a point during the first months after finding out that the evil one had been hurting my daughter and he had been sent to prison. I was left reeling in such a wake of destruction and grief and I kept wondering how in the world to people get through these sorts of things that don't have Jesus? How? One time when I pondered this out loud to someone they came back with the simplest of answers but yet it was so proufound and was a lightbulb moment for me. They said, "they numb their pain with drugs or alcohol." Yep. I can see it now. Addicts aren't mean, horrible people--they are hurting people. Hurting people hurt other people. And while I won't allow addiction close enough to me to hurt myself or my family, I will help carry that burden down the road of recovery--and that's because Jesus carries me and my burden.
Anyways, what I really love about this show is that it doesn't stop at the negative. It doesn't just show the sin and destruction finishing with a big screen that says, "Wow that sucks doesn't it?" No, it goes on to show how the family and friends of this person in trouble band together to bear this persons burden and hold an intervention for the addict. They then offer them a gift of treatment.
I'm not sure that I've seen anyone turn down the treatment that's offered. Well, I've seen plenty turn it down, but never for long. Usually within a few minutes they reconsider and take the offer--because (in my opinion) we may all have a sin nature, but we are all created in the image of God and therefore whether we want to acknowledge it or not, there is still a place inside every one of us that wants to do the right thing. I love how this show not only shows the struggle, but then shows the victory. Even the music changes at the end to a lighter sound and it shows the person after they've come through treatment--some more successfully than others, but all more enlightened and most successfully. They then also show the family reunion and the joy that comes with a surrendered heart and desire to live right.
Today a few "update" shows had recorded and those always bless me the most because they show down the road the beauty that can come from people bearing each others burdens and also the beauty of surrender. Only God can turn beauty to ashes like that--He is so good. The knowledge that life after addiction is possible is also what helps me to stick around and help out those that I love. Not in an enabling kind of way, that's not what I mean. Don't get me wrong--I have NO tolerance for addiction. I want no part of it. But I WILL stand by you and help you to get better. I will help bear your burden as you take steps forward and I hope that you will bear mine.
I love that this show displays another way of being--a clean, sober, happy, healthy, trustworthy and productive way of being. It's an encouragment and you don't see that very often on tv today.

Moments in time

I've always been a blogger. Being an author only came in the past few years, but I've always been a blogger. Allison and I like to reminisce about back in the 80's when we first met how we were bloggers before the world even knew what that was. We each had a notebook that we would write to each other in all day, every day. We would decorate it, draw pictures, write about our days--Allison would blog mostly about what she would watch on tv and I would blog mostly about boys (lol--not much has changed) and then every church service (Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night) we would exchange the notebooks. We would take them home, read them and then start all over again. It only occurred to us recently that that's what we were doing all along and how neat it was.
Tonight I was reminded big-time of the fact that God created me a writer when I started packing up my office. Over the years I have developed the habit of jotting down thoughts, quips, ideas, song lyrics, quotes, witticisms, etc. whenever and wherever they strike. Doesn't matter if I wake up out of a sound sleep, am at work, am at the grocery story--if it hits me, I write it down. It's always really interesting for me to find these little notes to myself--especially old ones. Sometimes I have totally forgotten ever writing these things and I reinspire myself or even learn some things.
As I was cleaning the office tonight, I ended up not getting any further than the area around my desk because I came across so many of these. I gathered up literally dozens of little notebooks and scraps of papers and ended up sitting for a few hours trying to read through them. It was just too much and I ended up shoving them all in a bag so that I can eventually sit down sometime in the future when we are settled in our new home and transcribe them all into one book.
Aside from the wisdom and inspiration that come from these little notes to myself, I love the fact that when put together these little scraps are a sort of map of my life--each one of them is a little moment in time and a picture of what I was thinking or feeling at that particular time. Wouldn't it be neat if after sticking all of these in a book I could get it published? I think the idea of seeing someone's thoughts and inspiration over time is fascinating. I'd probably be the only one to buy it though because they probably only mean lightbulb moments to me. LOL
Like I said, I found thousands. Here are some from just two pieces of paper:
  • Do you know that you are dearly loved?
  • Don't leave your heart, just leave your mark so I can find you when I need you.
  • I don't want to be captain-trendy-spiritual-writer
  • Dead things are peaceful. If you aren't peaceful then you know there's still a piece of our flesh that needs to die.
  • Most of me--the rest is mine.
  • The burn on my fingers was all that was left of the spark.
  • I'm not ready to confront, I just want to swim in my words this way.
  • Learn that 'I don't know' is a legitimate answer. You say "yes" to all your life questions because you are afraid to disappoint. So you get married, have sex and kids all because you can't say, "I don't know."
  • I am stronger than depression and braver than loneliness.
  • It's a selfishness at his core and his unsurrendered heart that unsettle me.
  • Faith is an action that requires motion.
  • Blog despite the threat of scrutiny.
  • "Tried everything twice...loved it both times."

What kind of notes do you all leave yourselves? Or am I the only crazy one here? lol


Catch up blog

Can we all have a moment of silence for the passing of---PMS. People I said SILENCE, NOT APPLAUSE!!! Ok, just kidding...clap away yo! :) Yeah, it's probably not totally gone but the skies are looking clear and blue--not clouds today.
Scott & I had a wonderful day together. I feel like maybe I'm living an episode of "My Name is Earl" in that the past few nights I've done something good (that I consider good at least) and now karma is rewarding me. The past few nights I was struggling in a bad way and I wrote out heartwrenching and/or scathing blogs to someone who I feel has been tormenting/haunting me lately. Every night though, no matter how strong my battle cries refusing to hit the delete key, by about 5am God got ahold of me and there I was being obedient and getting rid of it. My flesh may not be happy, but God rewards obedience nonetheless. So here's a rundown of what's new current and good.

  • My lupus is being a pain in the butt. I've had to call off work a few times. I think it's a mix of the stress and the rain. I'm feeling a little better thanks to Prednisone and have to be heading back to work tomorrow no matter what because I do need at least something resembling a paycheck.
  • Scott & I got up early today (not by human standards, but by mine) and went to Cracker Barrell for "breakfast". It took me by surprise when paying the bill that the cashier said, "Have a good evening." LOL
  • After that we headed to Trader Joes for a few supplies: sushi, veggie chips, mini chocolate meringues, etc. SOOOO GOOD.
  • I got some of Amelia's room sorted out for the yard sale and moving. I got a little depressed because it made me miss the kids. With the folding of every little-girl shirt or nightie I missed my little ones more and more.
  • Tonight was spent with some madatory cuddle time whether my husband liked it or not. lol If he even thought about protesting I made him rub my back. :)
  • Now he just made me some pasta (yeah, I know it's midnight, but that's like lunchtime to me!) and I'm watching some DVR recordings of Hell's Kitchen (or "the bad place's kitchen" according to Amelia), Intervention, The Mole, Beach Patrol, TMZ & Psychic Investigators--all the quality life changing programming available to me. ;)

Hope everyone else had a good evening and know that I love you all! Hope you're all having a peaceful, loving evening--even the "ghost of Veronica past".


Bowl full of cherries (from A Holy Experience)

I just read this over at A Holy Experience and thought it was so beautiful that I would share it. The ending got me. I think that's the dillemma I've been facing--do I really want to deal with the pits? Or should I trust my Heavenly Father to use the pits for new harvest?


He and I, we bring home a cherry tree in the bed of the pickup, roots twelve years old (a year younger than him), fibrous and fragile, leaves slapping in the wind.

And he’s telling me how much he paid for milky moon on buds, raindrops coursing down bark still smooth young, snow falling thick and quiet on branches , sun unwrapping the first early blossoms. True, a more slender tree was cheaper, but he’s telling me how much he decided to pay (with birthday money, his 13th) for time, a cycle of a dozen seasons to be exact, for trunk thicker, limbs longer.

Paying for time. I’d like to buy me some of that.

More of that.June’s heat falls heavy and hot, too close and sticky, and we’re rolling windows right down, and I turn down a back gravel road and let the wind whip our hair cool, relieve us from this tinny oven. Arm out the window, riding high then low on air currents, he’s talking about which end of the orchard to plant it and how to ward off winged thieves, those wily crows scheming to scarf down ruby gems, and wondering how many cherries it would take to make a pie, but did I have any ideas on how to pit what is sure to be a record-breaking crop?

I am still back thinking about time and how to get more of it (but it’s really about just making the most of it) and knowing the hope and loss we’re bringing home in the back of this pick-up.

So I turn, look into the field-tanned face of this boy of mine who’s just left childhood and bought himself a cherry tree and I smile and tell him what little I know of life, and this heaping bowl of cherries bestowed.

“We’ll deal with the pits.”

He smiles too and he and I drive home to plant a ball of roots in dirt and wait with open hands for what the seasons bring, time heavy with cherries and pits redeemed, a pie orchard for a someday generation.

Scripture Thought: "Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?" (Job 2:10)

Lord, cause me to see, gather, taste, the cherries of each season. And help me deal with the pits: with You, they could be planted for more sweet.

The golden lasso

Today was a really good day. I was in a content and happy mood. Scott & I actually spent some time together (because we were caged into a big steel box aka our van for 8 hours). Things are sweet. The problem is that "sweet" around here in my mind actually translates to *YAWWWWWN*. We got along but it's because we didn't speak. In eight hours in the car together, I can count on my fingers just how many words were spoken between us. They weren't nasty words, my husband is actually a very sweet man 99% of the time. The problem is that he's just THERE. He doesn't do anything. He doesn't speak, carry on conversation, romance me or even make lewd sexual comments to me (as men are prone to do to their women). Nothing. Just sits in silence and stares straight ahead. *sigh*.

I know this is taking it a bit out of context, but how did a "K-K-K-KATIE" girl end up married to
a "Simple" guy? (From "The Way We Were"). I know that in the movie, Hubble dumped Katie for the simple girl because K-k-k-katie was too fiery and opinionated and full of personality, whereas in my life the Katie girl actually found a simple GUY and scooped him up! He didn't present himself as the simple guy in the beginning though. Perhaps there was some liquid confidence at play there. Just a thought.

So here's the dilemma--how in the world was I foolish enough to believe that this little golden lasso around my finger would be strong enough to rope in my desires? My opinions? Better yet, how did HE think it would be strong enough? He was the one trying to rope me in and tame me--did he really think that it would work being armed with ONLY this ring? I'm sorry, but a ring doesn't a marriage make. So if I stay, I likely won't be totally unhappy--just stagnant.

In my other blog when I said my nickname for his is "lasagna", that's referring to a conversation I had with a friend about him. She said, "Take lasagna. It's delicious in the beginning and you think it's going to be soooo good. Then you stick it in the fridge and let it sit there. You don't do anything with it, you don't make new lasagna, you never finished the first piece. Before you know it, the lasagna is moldy. Then it starts to stink up the whole fridge and all the food around it. Before long it's just easier and wiser to throw it all away and start fresh...cause if you stay with that lasagna it's not gonna be good and you'll probably end up sick." So there you go, the backstory to the moldy lasagna nickname.

The other side of the dilemma is--would there really be anyone out there that I WOULD like that would actually like me back? And I don't want to hear all the patronizing stuff like, "of course there will be! you're so awesome!" The truth of it is that I'm 35 years old with two kids almost grown and two younger ones still at home. I have a few marriages under my belt. The rest of the truth is that almost all of the good ones are either gay (they love me), married (they love me too so I've found out lol) or too young and would never touch damaged goods such as myself. Is it better to stay in an ok, but BOOOOORING marriage that you never thought you'd have in the beginning that has a lot of issues because you're afraid no one that you're compatible with would ever actually want to be with you?

Whatever. More rambling. Sorry guys! Hold on with me! This weeks almost over!!! lol :) Then you can all stop ducking and taking cover! heehee Love ya to pieces! mwah! xoxo vb


This world we call C R A Z Y

Ok, I get home from a long day of driving and I open my email--to find fifty (much-appreciated btw) comments from Rita responding to my crazy, hormonal-hazed PMS posts from last night. LOL Each one was getting crazier and crazier with each post which was cracking me up, but at least she recognized it too when she said, "Thanks for pulling me into this world we call C R A Z Y!" LOL

As far as the other questions you asked Rita--"hv" is short for have. DUH. lol Do you need to know what that means too? ;) j/k how about that one? I'm just playing. I was in the van texting. Who wants to spell crap out that they don't have to when they're texting? That's how I roll--work with me sister!

And no, unfortunately no vacay. Some people celebrate the running of the bulls every year, I celebrate the dropping off of the children at various places for the summer! haha Wait, sssshhhhh....do you hear that? ME NIETHER! That's because I am child-free and living like a rock star for at least a whole month my friend! *Big cheesy grin*

Today we drove to West Virginia to drop the kids off at my parents house. My visceral reaction is still the same as it always is. When we first enter the state I think how pretty it is and by the time I get to their house I'm cussing like a sailor and saying, "Who would live here ON PURPOSE???" As long as they like it I suppose.

So anyways, the girls (who I already miss terribly actually) are there for a month. Courtney is at Maribels for who knows how long and Darren is with his dad permanently. The sad part for me is that I always have so much to do and so little money to do anything else with during this time every year, so I never really get to enjoy it. Bummer. BUT--or should I say BUTT? lol I came home and am walking around in my tshirt and underwear! Know why? BECAUSE I CAN! I never get to relax like that anymore! :)

Ok, the question and answer portion of this blog is officially over for the night. Enough about YOU! Time to get back to ME! ;) J/K-- you know I can't get enough of your love baby! :) Nite all! lol

For my crazy, wonderful, supportive Rita

Since I love my friend Rita just as much as I love Fleetwood Mac, I granted her wish of an all Mac playlist that she could listen to. :) Here you go friend--just for you! (And me since I love them so much! :) )

Stuck in the van

Stuck in the van. Hv had a few arguments with maggie because she keeps trying to send us to Canada instead of WV. It is SO hot but the sky is pretty. Musics blaring. Hv about two hours to go until we arrive in the butt-crack of nowhere. NO Im not spending the night--Im the worst family member ever. Lol My bad. :) more later. Xoxo vb

Feel better

Ok, anyone who was watching a live feed of this blog would probably not know whether to be laughing or worried at the spectacle that is my emotions tonight. lol FYI (for those who don't know by now): when I PMS, I don't get bitchy--I just get D-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D! Depressed and emotional...hence the fifty blogs posted tonight ranging from awww, to I hate him!, to I love him so much!, to isn't this funny?, to screw it--I'm done. LOL Yeah, I kind of become Sybil--but the good news is that it usually only lasts for about 24 hours, so we do have that going for us (meaning me, of course--and the other PMS voices in our head). ;)

At crazy times when I'm really upset, there are always a few songs that make me feel better no matter what. The movies that make me feel better would be Elf (You don't smell like Santa, you smell like beef & cheese!) and When Harry Met Sally (Pecan Piiiieeee). Here are a few of the songs--some of them are totally corny & some of them are Christmas songs (I know, shut up!)--but they are MY feel better songs and you're just not aloud to talk smack about someone else's feel better songs! And no, there aren't any Christian songs in there and that's because he makes me sentimental and I end up crying again. lol Feel better with me, won't you? :) Love ya! No I don't! Yes I do! Just kidding. :) Ok, I'm done now.

Or am I? Ok! I am! Sheesh! Quit throwing shit at me already!!


My heart

Knowing the brutal honesty I served out in the last blog I felt like I needed to do something to show that I DO love my family. lol I do. They are my heart.

My wedding (a survey)

**This did NOT start out to be a smack-talking session about my husband. Please believe that. Normally I wouldn't have even posted this publically, but someone challenged me to a survey and since my motto has always been honesty at all costs, here it is. I started out by watching our wedding video and getting all teary-eyed and emotional about it while thinking, "I really DO love him!" Then as the questions went on, truth is what truth is. Anyone close to us know all about the hell that has been my life the past two years. I pray for it to get better--I really can see him trying every day. I can say that for sure. The problem is that so much damage has already been done, it will take a long time for his account to leave the negative and become positive. As long as he keeps taking steps forward I'll hang in there. I really hope he does.

Marriage Date: 11/12/06
Location: Vermilion on the Lake Clubhouse
Honeymoon location: None yet, unfortunately. Does a night at the Holiday Inn count?
When did you start living together? A few weeks before the wedding.
How was the wedding? The most lovely, divine thing I've ever seen! The pictures and video just don't do it justice.
Give four descriptors of your wedding: Intimate, twinkle lights, candles, fall.
How old were you when you first met? 14
How old were they when you first met? 16
Was it love at first sight? Lust misunderstood.
When did you realize you were in love? When 15 years later I was still searching for him.
When did they realize they were in love?1988
Did you fight for your love? Am still fighting. Unfortunately, the wedding was more lovely than the marriage has been. But I haven't given up just yet.
Did you hide your love? No
Who proposed? He did.
How fast did the relationship lead to marriage? Too fast? 6 months.
Future: Taking it one day at a time at this point. I love him. I'm loyal. That counts for a lot.
Children: Four is enough!
Pet(s): Two cats: Daphne and Daisy (I was rooting for Daphne and Velma, but I lost)
Car(s): A soccer-mom van for now.
Home: He moved into mine and now we're about to move somewhere else.
Is it for life? Under normal circumstances, yes... at this point we'll see. I'm thinking for better or forget it is more like it.
Will you share opinions? Yes, as long as his aren't stupid.
Will you be faithful? Too much so.
Will they be faithful? Who knows.
Nickname for them? "Lasagna"--he doesn't know about it and it's a long story. lol
Nickname for you? none
Why did you give them that nickname? That's for another time and blog. lol
Why did they give you that nickname? You mean the LACK of nickname? Because he doesn't have a romantic bone in his body.
Did you see each other before wedding day? Yes. Maybe that's why we're having bad luck.
Do you have a song? "Echoes of Eden" by Steven Curtis Chapman
Do you have a special word(s)? nope
What do your parents think of them? They take him as he is and hope for the best.
What do their parents think of you? He doesn't have any (big cheesy grin! lol Does that sound bad?)
Who has your back from their family? His ex-wife Tami! haha
Who has their back from your family? Everyone--but it's getting tough.
Have you hurt them? Not really.
Have they hurt you? OOOOOOH BOY! Is that a loaded question!

Have you spent hours on the phone just listening to them breathe? Yes, mostly because he passed out drunk and I was afraid he was going to die.
Do you enjoy the sound of their voice? Gosh, honesty sucks!!! Not really.
What do you think of their voice? Finger-nails on a chalkboard.
Do they enjoy the sound of your voice? What's not to love? lol j/k I hope so but who knows.
Their best feature (according to you): Physically, his eyes. Personality, his hospitality.
Your best feature (according to them): Eyes, smile, hair, curves (from his mouth, not mine! lol)
What made you fall in love with them? I was bamboozled--and I'm not joking. lol Total bait-and-switch.
What made them fall in love with you? My checkbook?
Would you do Anything for them? No. Man, if ever I was a liar this would be the time!
Would they do Anything for you? He isn't even getting the basics covered, let alone move into the "anything" category!
If someone you trust told you something bad about them, who would you believe? Probably the friend.
If someone they trust told them something bad about you, who would they believe? There's no telling, but hopefully me. I've never been disloyal to him or given him any reason not to.
Do you believe in giving all of yourself & share all with them, or to each his own? It should be 100/100--teamwork all the way.
Do they believe in giving all of themselves & share all with you, or to each his own? No, he believes in keeping everything to himself and taking all of mine too.
Does age matter? Not once you get to this age.
If they cheated, would you forgive? Oooo, ouch. I don't know. It really depends on how good the rest of the relationship was and if they were truly repentant. As it stands right now, no way.
If you cheated, would they forgive? Yes, because he'd give up his lifestyle if he didn't.

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