While laying in our comfy beds,

Courtney said,

"This room reminds me of a room in Mexico."

Since being stuck in Dayton isn't nearly as fun as that,

we took it and ran with it.

All you'd hear if you were a fly on our wall would be things like,

"I didn't come all the way to Mexico just to have Darren get on my nerves."


"I didn't come all the way to Mexico just to hear my phone ring all day."


"I didn't come all the way to Mexico to NOT have a big white peach sangria."



Moving day!

Can we talk about exhausted? Seriously, I can't remember the last time I was this tired on every level. SO much going on lately and the fever-pitch was today.

Darren came down last week to help us pack and do some heavy lifting. After sending at least 20 van loads to goodwill and filling the curb with a ton more, we busted butt until the wee hours of the morning last night to get everything sorted and packed. Honestly, if Scott didn't have so much CRAP left over, it wouldn't have taken nearly as long. But I don't know that I have ever been so relieved to say.... THAT MAN'S CRAP IS GONE GONE GONE!!! F-O-R-E-V-E-R!!! I warned him when I kicked him out to take what he was going to want or need because he was never going to see any of it again. I don't think he believed me, but GONE! *exhale*

The movers showed up today and made quick work of loading our PODS. They didn't do a very good job of tying things down and securing things, but at least I didn't have to do it and I'm praying that things show up to the new place unscathed.

You'd think that this would all be enough stress, but throw into the mix that the "can't go 55" guy has been freaking RELENTLESS. I mean incredibly forward, bordering on obnoxiously intrusive. I will spare you all the ugly details (at least for now), but suffice it to say that now that I'm out of my house and he doesn't know where I live, he isn't going to be getting his calls answered ever again. And I plan to get my phone number changed soon, so he really won't be getting ahold of me. It's really sad that some people take that much of a kick in the head in order to get them to go away. It would be totally different if I were giving him signals saying "come and get me big boy!", but um.... NO. Not happening.

Anyways, all the incredibly hard work we have all done in the past few weeks is being rewarded with three carefree days at a great hotel. I hopped in the pool earlier but that didn't last long because the water was coooold. The hot tub hit the spot much better with all the aching muscles I have going on. Now all of the ringers are turned off and I am going to crash as hard as I worked in the past few days. I hope sleep comes hard and heavy. I hope the kids get along. I hope there is laughter and lightening of spirits. I hope for peace. Most of all, right now I hope for these fluffy pillows.....


B'gawk in three, two, one....

I had a ROUGH day. It would have been a good day if it weren't for my wonderful, sweet flower of a daughter. The oldest one, just in case you had to wonder.

She had gone to Cleveland to go to prom with someone and came home in the FOULEST of moods. I wonder what happened that she won't tell me. She blames it on being over-tired from a weekend of prom, Cedar Point & going to the fair. Whatever it was, she was nasty all day. A stank nasty that even puts her normal stank to shame.

As usual, I didn't deal with it so good. I blew up on her (aka "b'gawk'd") at the park, in the car, in the house...you name it. She was so bad. Hence, I'm so stressed. Even more than I have been lately. I didn't need this. I pray it gets better quickly.


Hope is a choice

One of my blogging friends had posted

a photo that she took while on a family trip.

Under neath, she had written a few lines

that resonated in me in a huge way.

I'm not going to write what she had to say underneath of it...

well, for silly reasons. I want it all for myself.

It was personal to me (and the rest of her readers lol).

Needless to say, it had something to do with


I had sent her a message letting her know

exactly why this touched me so much

and how I had saved the picture

to my phone as my wallpaper

and how every time I began to doubt

my decisions, I would look

at my phone and repeat to myself

"Hope is a choice..."

Today I received a copy of it in the mail

because she wanted to bless me with it.

It is the perfect thing to replace my

now defunct wedding picture.

Plus, it will save my printer lots of ink

from having to print out pictures of

all the dreamboats such as

Gavin Rossdale and John Mayer

to tape over Scott's face.

I can't tell you how much I love this picture.

It portrays everything that is in my heart.

Even in the middle of the desert,

God has planted a big sign that says


before the long road stretching out before me.

Hope is a choice.

Thanks Suz.


Can't drive 55

I met a guy. It's only been a few days and he's already scaring me away. He actually seems like a decent guy and his conversation is intelligent. I mean, we're not talking double digit IQ or anything. The problem? He has dove right in and come on WAY too strong. In the first day since having my phone number, he called like four times and has texted DOZENS of times...including starting at 7:20 this morning with a "goodmorning sweetie." That in and of itself would normally set my heart aflutter, but not when I JUST met you and we haven't even had our first date yet! YIKES. When he could tell that he was freaking me out a little bit, he apologized for going so fast and "being a speeder." I replied with, "yeah, you wouldn't want to get a ticket." His response to that was "I just can't drive 55." Another one bites the dust.

Another One Bites the Dust


99 tacos for 2 cents

One of my favorite commercials right now...

Especially at the end when he's like



I roll every time I watch it!


Courtney quote of the day

"The only seafood I really like is chicken fingers...."


I feel slightly better.

Courtney made peace with me (kind of)

and she helped me get A LOT done in the office.

It was like night and day the way I felt

after the "painful items" were packed or in the goodwill bag.

We turned on some good music and got to work

and then I was blessed to have some

good conversation with some even better friends.

Now I'm relaxing and already thinking about bedtime.

I'm so glad that I know He makes all things new.

More me

I'm having a rough day. Hormones have fastened their familiar, threatening grip around my throat and I'm simply trying to maintain my way through the next few days until the worst passes...as I know that it will. As it always does. I suppose this wasn't the smartest time for me to start packing up my office then.

The bad part is that I only have a certain amount of time until the first, so I need to get busy. It's not like I can just not do it until the waves pass, I don't really have a choice. Although, I'm still not settled on a house to move into. Kettering? Oakwood? Or closer to work in Beavercreek? I don't know. Guess I should decide.

I texted someone earlier and said, "I know it's time for a break from Courtney when standing in a store & hearing her mouth run at me I am consumed with fantasies of punching her in the face." She is such a study in contradictions. I guess she doesn't fall far from the tree in that respect, but she still drives me crazy. Sometimes she is so gracious and giving and other times (like today) she amazes me with her selfish and ungrateful attitude. The sense of entitlement that this child possesses often leaves me speechless.

I was in a pretty good mood before spending the afternoon with her actually. I had a doctors appointment and was being so blatantly flirted with by the [cute] medical assistant that it was almost embarrassing. He walked away for a minute and Courtney whispered, "HE IS SOOOO HITTING ON YOU!" I could only smile and say, "I know." It felt good and left me with a spring in my step.

Fast forward several teenage-filled hours later and I am in quite a foul state. I'm in the all-too-familiar hormonal funk that leaves me feeling alone, overwhelmed and unloved. And now I am sitting in my office. And I am having a hard time with moving for the first time since the process started.

My office is the one room in the house that is more me than any of the others. It was supposed to be the one room that was mine and mine alone...which means it's quite ironic that it's the one room that I never go into because the kids constantly make it such a shambles that I get pissed off whenever I walk through the door. To keep any kind of peace in my life I only enter when necessary or I would be in a constant state of bitching at them.

But today, here I am and as I sat feeling overwhelmed and not sure where to start, I felt sadness begin to overtake me. This room is ever inch ME and sometimes looking at that can be painful when you tend to suffer loss as often as I do. Some of the things in here that I love are the collection of skeleton keys (that I have because they remind me of my Grandma because she collected keys), my favorite pictures of my kids, my angel collection, the cookie jar from my grandparents house, my books, etc etc. Then I see things like some flowers from my wedding (that are pointless now. should I send them to goodwill? throw them out?) My cake topper. The address plaque that hung outside of the first house that I owned (and lost) that also happened to be my parents house.

Isn't it funny how cherished, sentimental posessions can be such a two-edged sword? Sometimes they are such a comfort and other times they can chafe at the already raw edges that your soul may have. Fortunately, I know that it will all be better in a few days. But for now I'm not only wading through hormones, but memories and emotions. Go before me Lord.


Freeze this

I’ve been facing a lot of changes and adjustments lately that have been been pretty private. Thanks to a whole two or three people in my life (ahem! The wasbands!) I have to maneuver like mission impossible whenever I do anything anymore in order to maintain my privacy, but it’s worth it if it keeps them away from me. Unfortunately, what this means is that I have to deal with a whole lot of things on my own. While I’m used to doing the “strong” thing, it still stinks that I have to do it. Who wants to be Hercules all the time?
Anyways, while I can’t/won’t share a lot of the things I’m dealing with right now, I can say that beginnings are scary, endings are sad and change is stressful. Nothing we all don’t know. What never fails to amaze me though, is the unexpected kindness of others. Tonight I was surprised with an offer to do something so kindhearted. It was regarding a picture that I saw that touched my heart…and the person who took the picture wanted to bless me by sending me a copy of it. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since! I am so stoked to get this picture in the mail and have been racking my brain playing with the options of where to put it. I know, I need to get out more, right? But it’s those simple, little things in life that make your heart smile that are the things you will take with you forever. It’s the “freeze this” that I’ve always liked to talk about. For those that don’t know what I’m talking about, let me explain.
Ever since my kids were babies, there have been moments that steal my breath away. You know those moments that catch your attention and amaze you, where you find yourself thinking, “it just doesn’t get any better than this.” One that always immediately comes to my mind when I talk about this was when Maddie was about 3 years old and we were outside in the back yard. I don’t remember what I was doing, but I remember looking over to see my baby girl with the rosy, chubby cheeks sitting in her little bathing suit with a ballerina tutu over top of it, goggles on her eyes, holding a dandelion with a little cat trying to climb in her lap. If you could just wrap your mind’s eye around this for just a moment…it was the most precious thing I think I’d ever seen! At that moment, my heart exploded with…with…I don’t even know what word to use! It’s more than happiness, more than blessing…that’s the sweet stuff. The good stuff that everyone lives for. That’s what it’s about, right there. And that’s what I call a “freeze this” moment. Like if we were able to spiritually or mentally freeze that very moment in time like a snapshot to save forever and ever. I am a firm believer that when we get to Heaven, the Lord is going to let us review our lives. And I believe that there is going to be a special film reel full of my “freeze this” moments and I am going to be able to melt into the reality of how sweet my life has really been.
My last one of those moments was last weekend when we were on our way to Cleveland. I can’t remember what song was playing on the radio, but I remember that all three of my girls plus myself were blaring out the words to this song and we were all dancing. Everyone was smiling and enjoying life at that exact moment in time. It hit me like a brick in the heart and as my eyes teared up I became still for a moment so that I could soak it in. I know that the moments I have left where all three of my girls will always be with me are quickly escaping me. It was through watery eyes that I smiled and whispered a silent prayer for my beauties and ended with, “And Lord, please freeze this.”


Friday Five

I know that it's not Friday yet,

but I have to work Friday...

so I figured I'd post something now. :)
  1. My trip home to Cleveland was fantastic. Probably the best trip home I've had yet. Within two hours of being in Lorain County, I had seen my Grandma, seen my brother, held my niece, been to the beach & went to see Darren. That evening I hung out with Chelli & Dewey and watched a movie. It was nice to be with people I love & who love me. Saturday, I took Darren & Amelia to Applebees and then got ready for an evening out with friends. My old friend Jerry & his daughter Melanie took me to Mon Ami Winery in Port Clinton and I had the BEST TIME I have had in as long as I can remember!! Seriously, it was a blast. They had a live band who sang a lot of oldies and then a DJ in between sets. The only way I have been able to describe it is the most kick-ass wedding reception that you've ever been to. lol It was just people drinking and dancing and smiling and laughing as far as the eye could see. To see 25 year olds dancing right along side 75 year olds who were out there breaking it down was fantastic! :) I'm hooked and I'd love to go back every Saturday night for the rest of my life. It was such a good time.
  2. I'm fixing to move. Not sure where yet...guess I should nail that down. Basically, it's spring-time and I promised the kids we'd move by now so that we'd be in a nicer house and better neighborhood by the time it's warm enough to ride bikes, etc outside and also be in a better school district for next year. So I'm starting the process of packing. Fun, fun, fun.
  3. Work is awesome. I still love my job more and more every day.
  4. The wasband is bugging me again. I need to get my phone number changed. I've decided today that I'm going to. I don't answer the phone when he calls anymore, but I'm tired of even having to ignore his calls and delete his voicemails. I changed his ringer to this horrible siren sounding thing so that it's no question when it's him calling. It'd be kind of funny if it weren't so exasperating.
  5. Did anyone watch the Biggest Loser finale??? I CAN'T BELIEVE that Helen won! I was so disappointed. Yeah, she won fair and square, but BOOOOOO!!! And HOLY CRAP did anyone see how freakin' delicious Sione was??? Man, he is a pretty mutha!!

:( *tear, sniff*

I can't believe he's not in the finale. :(


Stuck in my head

One of my two favorite worship songs to sing.

We sang it this morning in church.

Not only was I blessed enough to be able

to be back in my old church,

but they sang my song.

It blesses me...especially the part where it says

'you are my everything & I will adore you"

It gets me everytime because I want that to be true.

And I WANT to adore him.

The fact is, I know what it's like to want to be adored.

And I know what it's like to adore someone else.

I should want to give that to my Lord.

He deserves it.









Just call me Hot Pants!

This may be TMI for some of y'all, but


Don't ask my why, but I decided to go tanning.

Yeah, the girl who doesn't go in the sun


*rolling my eyes*

This was after only 10 minutes!!

It may have only been 58 degrees in Dayton today,

but it's 100 degrees on my ass!

Courtney quote of the day

Only in my car:

setting: Courtney getting ready for prom in the car.

I turn the corner too quickly.


Yeah, she means the ghetto press-on kind. lol


Separation of church and hate

I just watched MILK. It's the story of Harvey Milk, google him if you aren't familiar. He was a gay activist who ran for office in the 70's and was the first openly gay man to be elected to office in the United States. He was assassinated shortly after.

You don't have to agree with it. You don't have to believe it's right. The only thing you are required to do is to treat every person on this earth with love. That's not an option. If you're a person so quick to jump on the "it's a sin" bandwagon, then you need to be aware of your own sin if you're not obeying that command....to love. every. person.

Love thy neighbor as thyself.
For there is none righteous, no not one.
There is none good but one, that is, God.
And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

There are people dying every day--physically, emotionally and spiritually because they have no hope. They think God hates them. Know why? Because some Christian, somewhere has told them so. And why? Because they think those people are sinning? Do you think those same Christians that told gay people that God hates them also told other sinners (aka every person on earth, including themselves) that God hates them too? I doubt it. That kind of hate has typically been reserved for special groups--like gay people. I'm a Christian and am proud of it. I can't deny what the Bible says about sin...whatever sin we're talking about. The point that I am trying to make is that even if you believe something is a sin, it does not now or ever give you the right to treat someone less-than or to persecute them. You are as much of a sinner as that person is. And I know that I have too many people that I love who are gay, that I can't imagine a day of my life without knowing, and the day will never come that I will tell them that they are ugly people. I will never tell them that God hates them. They are beautiful and created in his image. He loves them just like he loves me.

I'm sure I will lose some readers and I'm sure I will receive some email over this. But that's okay with me, I'm not afraid of that. Frankly, if someone has a problem with who I am then they don't belong here anyways. Because like I said, you don't have to agree with it. You don't have to believe it's right. The only thing you are required to do is to treat every person on this earth with love. That's not an option.


Why can't he learn?

The wasband called me last night. THREE times! And the last of which was at MY WORK. Oh yes he did. He insists I gave him the number and he didn't know he wasn't supposed to call me there. Um, did he miss the last several months when he wasn't supposed to call me ANYWHERE?? And riiiiiight, I gave HIM the number to my workplace. HAHAHAHA Needless to say, that call did not go well for him. And it didn't go so well for me when I had a bunch of stunned coworkers staring at me after I quietly but "firmly" told him not to bother me again and to never call my job again. I had some splainin' to do after that. I was just like, "See, whu had happened wuzzz....." When will he learn? It's really sad to me that this can't be amicable and that I feel almost forced to be rude to him. I don't like being rude to anyone but it's almost manditory with him. Sad, just sad.

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