4.15.2006

It takes a village


Conversation #1:

D: You didn't break up because you're friends with me did you?

V: No Don, of course not.

D: Good. (sigh of relief) His loss! Why don't you try that e-harmony they're always playing on the radio?

V: I have Don, remember...he did get scared away because I was friends with you.

D: Oh yeah. His loss. So why don't you try it again?

V: Why would I do that??? I'm fine, thank you. (Like I would say to a hostess passing around a tray of picked-over appetizers)

Conversation #2:

K: So where are you looking to meet guys?

V: Nowhere!!! Why would I do that???

K: Because someone as great as you just shouldn't be alone! It's a crime! I just want to grab all of those beaus and ask them if they are crazy or something! Don't worry honey, we're gonna find you someone!

N: Don't you listen to them girl! Having a man ain't all it's cracked up to be!!! You'd be better off sticking with your vibrator!!!

V: NOW THAT SOUNDS LIKE A PLAN!!!

What is it about me that makes people around me want to fix me up? Do I scream desperate? Do I scream lonely girl incapable of finding a man? People please! Say it with me!

single does not equal desperate!
It seems that no matter where I go people are talking about me as if I'm not even there. Picking out men, making plans for my future. Hell, I'm sure they even have my china pattern picked out I just don't know about it! I just interrupt and say "Thank you, but I'm fine....I have nooooooo interest in dating right now." And they stop for a brief second, look at me as if I'm insane and then continue as if I had never been there. lol I'm surprised they haven't hired a yenta to fix me up. Wait. Stop. I don't want to give them any ideas!

What is it about a single girl that overwhelms people with the desire to make her un-single? Why are most people so uncomfortable with single femaleness? Granted, I would love comanionship. I DO NOT want to go runnin off and getting married by any means! But my gosh I just want a boyfriend! What is wrong with that? Nothing. Companionship is lovely and I crave it like oxygen. I decided I'm ready and now I can't shut it off. The problem is that to have companionship I have to get close to someone and let them get close to me....and nope. No thank you...I'll pass at least for the time being. I'm just so tired of the whole process...what a frickin waste of time! You call me, I'll call you. You make a joke and I'll laugh. You tell me how funny you think I am. I'll tell you my stories and you tell me yours. I'll ask about your parents and you ask what kind of food I like. We'll build a rapport and I'll think we're really starting to get somewhere.........then *poof*.......okay, time to start all over again with someone else. Give me a break. I want to skip all of that crap and go straight to the comfortable Sunday afternoon cuddling on the couch in sweatpants phase.

Which, saying this out loud to my "people", I was trying to dissuade them....but it backfired BIG TIME. This just led them on a whooooooooole new tangent: The archeology dig of ex-boyfriends that I would already be comfortable with. (YIKES!)

Conversation #3:

D: What about Jesus? He was a really great guy...maybe he's not getting high anymore!

V: Maybe you're high right now?

N: What about "George Clooney"? He was soooooo damn cute! Eye candy for sure! (nods of agreement go around the room and they all look at me with excited eyes waiting for my response)

V: NOOOOOOO!!! He was a drunk and couldn't hold a conversation! God you guys....I DON'T WANT TO DATE ANYONE RIGHT NOW!!!

*collective "yes you do! whatever!"* (prepare yourselves...you'll never guess what gets said next)

K: What about Scott that used to work downstairs???? You guys used to be the best of friends! Just like peas and carrots! I know he has a new wife but maybe he has a friend???

*collective laughs and giggles talking about how funny Scott was and how much they missed him...he must have great friends!**

V: (staring like a deer caught in the headlights....act natural, act natural. Act like you don't even know who Scott is....come on, you can do it. You can convincingly lie just this one time in your life!) Huh, that's intersting. (okay that sucked! What the f*** is wrong with you that you can't lie??? That was so stupid!)

K: Seriously what's he up to now?

V: Um......not sure. Don't really talk to him anymore.

K: Oh bull....you two were as close as can be! I have his new phone number....do you want it? You guys need to get caught up! As a matter of fact I'm gonna call him right now so you can talk to him!

V: NO!!!! (all eyes turn to me because I was just a little too passionate in that response) I mean....it's late and everything. Really, please don't do that. Thank you.

J: What about some of these gorgeous new cops?

V & D together: NO WAY!!!

V: Listen people...an ex is an ex for a reason! And as far as cops go....been there, done that...a couple of times. And I don't care if they're an old flame or someone new you dig up....I'm NOT interested!

Maybe someday soon I'll be ready again. I'm just weary of the whole game. Stick a fork in me I'm done! But when it happens I have a feeling that things will just fall into place and I won't need to depend on the entire village of people around me to hook me up. Thanks you guys for caring....but save your energy! :) Right now I'm single by choice...and that's NOT a bad thing.

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