4.12.2006

Finally a reason to celebrate!

As you are all well aware, I've been going through some C-R-A-P lately.... and you don't even know the half of it! Believe it or not there ARE some things that I don't talk about! lol It's been pretty bad the last couple of days especially and I just kept thinking "it's GOTTA start getting better!" I know it will...it's just a matter of when? Because even though I'm feeling better, new stuff just keeps on coming at me! Well...finally a reason to celebrate!!! :)
As you have all heard, my dear,dear, dear friend Don has not only bad skin cancer but also T-cell lymphoma. He has a kind that is so rare they don't know anyone else who has it...which is also why they've had no idea how to treat it. Everything they've tried (chemo, radiation, etc.) has been unsuccessful and he has not been looking good. Anyone who talks to me regularly knows just how worried I've been about him....terribly worried. What has scared me the most is that even Don himself has voiced some serious concern. This is the man who should be a poster child for denial! He would never admit to not feeling good or that anything might be wrong. But lately he's been really worried about himself. He saw what I was seeing...and he was admitting how horrible he was feeling. So I've been just beside myself praying for him and concerned for him (which can't help my lupus any I'm sure!). To be honest... and it chokes me up just admitting this out loud... I've been really afraid I was going to have to watch my friend be buried this year. A month or so ago they did a repeat full body scan on Don because they suspected his cancer had progressed in a big way and they needed to see just how badly. Also they found a specialist who has been doing groundbreaking research in chemotherapy and she agreed to try and find a chemo for him. She took a biopsy of his cancer and isolated the specific antibody that was causing the cancer and set out to try and discover an antigen for that specific cancer....hope wasn't very high because it's never been seen before. He had to go yesterday to find out the results of the scan.

I thought I had to work with him last night and was dreading going into work and facing him. What was worse was driving past his house on the way to work and seeing his truck still parked there and thinking "oh my gosh...the news was so bad he's not coming in." I was so choked up that I couldn't talk...even on my way into the hospital. If I were to speak I would start crying. I've turned into cry-girl lately and cry over everything....hormones I guess..... but I've been a big smarmy, emotional wreck! A regular Smarmy McSmarmerson! lol After I got off the elevator before I could even make it onto the floor people were hollering over to me "Have you heard anything about Don????"...and all I could do was shake my head "no" and fight back the tears. Someone suggested that I call him to see and I just walked away. I just could not bring myself to do that...what if the news was bad? Nope. I couldn't do it.

So I'm standing in a patients room....luckily they were unconscious (lol)... when my phone rings. It's another nurse on the floor who is just as sweet as pie and she's a huge prayer warrior for all of us.

Are you in a patients room?

Yes, why?

Are you able to hear some news about your pal?

I don't know. Do I need to sit down? (And the waterworks start)

He's very emotional right now.

Oh God.... (and I start crying harder)

He's very emotional because EVERYTHING IS GREAT! His cancer hasn't progressed AT ALL! The swelling in his leg is because of a new tumor pressing on his lymph glands but they're going to start him on interferon AND THEN...... in May he's starting a 12 week course of chemo BECAUSE THEY FOUND THE ANTIGEN FOR HIS CANCER!!! And they have full hope that everything is going to turn out great! It's a miracle!!!! He's just a big "giggle-box" over there and they're all celebrating!

At this point I'm just speechless and sobbing like a baby. In bad times and in good there are points when you just have no words to pray...and that's when the Holy Spirit makes intercession for you. I had such a grateful, worshipping heart right then. I was absolutely speechless with relief and thanksgiving. My friend is going to be okay. Hope renewed. Sometimes I get subtle little reminders that everything's going to be okay.....and sometimes God sits up there waiting to surprise me with a huge smile on his face and a cymbal crash!!! That was one of those moments. It's not often that I'm speechless! haha I'm sure there are some people who wish I were more often! lol

But today God left me speechless. Everything's going to be okay.... it really is. With Don. With me. With everything. Wow.

I love you Lord...thank you for your grace and your mercy..... and your forgiveness.




...But as mercy opens my eyes
My words are stolen away
With this breathtaking view of your grace

And I am speechless I’m astonished and amazed
I am silenced by your wondrous grace
You have saved me
You have raised me from the grave
And I am speechless in your presence now
I’m astounded as I consider how
You have shown us
A love that leaves us speechless

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