We're off to see the blizzard: 2009 aka To be held

I was really hoping that I wasn't going to have to post a blog to my "We're off to see the blizzard" series this year, but alas here I am. However, I have to say that as bad as this storm was, I know it's not as bad as it could be and for that I'm grateful.

What I have realized though, is that even though my parents (who are stuck in Dayton watching my kids) probably aren't happy to hear this, I think this blizzard could very possibly be one of the best things to happen to me in a long time.

One of my amazing bff's and his wife graciously gifted me a hotel room last night, which I thought was one of the sweetest things...but I was even more surprised to find out this morning that they had given it to me for not one, but TWO nights because the weather was so bad. My jaw kind of dropped as I realized that I didn't have to worry about making the scary drive back to Dayton in this horrible weather. With that, I said a grateful prayer, turned my ringer off and went back to bed where I took a five-hour long nap--something that is unheard of for me. I have trouble sleeping that long at night, let-alone during the day. Collin (my awesome friend) said that it was my no-more-stress nap, and I think he's right. My body fell into some sort of other zone and I slept like there was no tomorrow.

Like I was saying, this stay has been good for me for more reasons than one. I don't know that I've ever had time alone like this. Seriously. I always have somewhere to be or someone around and have never had it be just me. Even more than that, with this blizzard, it was a kind of forced isolation so that I pretty much HAD to spend time alone and not run to avoid the silence by filling it up with friends, conversation or distraction. Last night, I sent someone a message that said, "I just had my first 'I'm alone' moment--I had to go get ice from the ice machine on my own. I don't think I've ever had to do that before."

I probably could've gone out and cleaned the snow off of my van and found something to do, but I think this time alone would be more beneficial to me than anything else right now. Every once in a while, I turn on the tv to see if there's anything going on but promptly turn it right back off because I'm just not interested. I've listened to a handful of songs on a loop for the past 24 hours and sat in the quiet a lot. I've spent a lot of time in the blackberry prayer pose in order to keep friends and family updated. I have a big sore spot/bruise on the back of my head from laying in a hot bubble bath for so long. I've caught up on a few blogs on my blogroll and I've done a lot of thanking God for being as amazing as he is.

That's really the thing that my heart has spent the most time doing, actually. Everyone wants to check and make sure I'm alright--and THANK YOU SO MUCH! Really, I have the best friends and I never fail to be surprised at the generosity of spirit of the people that I have chosen to surround myself with (and more importantly, that have chosen ME to be around them!). But, when I even begin to think about feeling sorry for myself, I think about everything going on in the world, or read on someone's facebook status that a family who's little girl was just diagnosed with some horrible disease needs prayer, I can't help but wondering what in the world I have to complain about. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Even on my worst days I have a sweet life. And I'm talking sweetness that can't be measured.... the smiling faces of my beautiful girls, the hug of my son who misses me, a roof over my head and the promise of a new job waiting for me. Kind heartedness of friends and family, catching up with old friends over a late-night dinner at Denny's, smiling, laughter, inside jokes, late-night scrabble games, BLISS.

No, I have no reason to complain. I know what it means to be held, and it's a beautiful thing. My life is and will continue to be sweet simply because it is the sum-total of the relationships I have. From long-lost friends on facebook, to my faithful blog readers, to old friends that know me inside and out and love me just the same. From family to new friends to the most important relationships I have--my kids and my God. All of those factored into the equation add up to a pretty staggering sum and leave me with only one conclusion... I am blessed beyond all measure and I'm so happy to be alive yet another day to try and give something back. Thank you Lord for letting me know what it means to be held.

Held
by
Natalie Grant