1.23.2009

A spilling heart

This week is good. But times, in general, are bad. A girl has decisions to be made. Hard, hard decisions. Harder than anyone is supposed to make. I know what needs to be done in theory, but the logistics are not sorted out. My mind is pregnant with details and choose-your-own-adventure endings. Five days from now my life will most likely be very different. I'm praying for mercy with an impossible decision. Lord, I hear you and I know it's the right thing to do...but it can go one of two ways...please Lord, please be merciful to me and don't make me have to take the hard path. This impossible man is your son Lord, not mine. You take care of him. Please don't make me have to leave him standing there helpless. Penniless. Hopeless. It's not the larger, more abstract idea of leaving him that is haunting me, although it does break my heart. No, it's the more immediate, literal act of actually leaving him somewhere...and never coming back. That's going to be the only way to get out of this and my heart breaks with the knowledge that I'm facing this decision. Lord, there is another way and we both know what it is...please let that way happen. It will be so much easier for each of us. The righteous cry and the Lord heareth.... that's what you promised and I'm falling on my face before you with a spilled heart, please help. Five more days and a girl will be alone again. And she wept.

1 comment:

Gail said...

Nicely written. I crave details.

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