In with a bang

Long story short....

Woke up to the phone ringing off the hook and went out to see where Scott was that he wasn't answering the phone. Not only was he not here, but had left the door OPEN about three inches. I could see out the window that he had gone across the street to the smoke/coffee shop. Irritated, I lock the door and go back to bed.

About 20 minutes later, I hear him come home and hear the bathroom door open and shut four or five times. I get up to confront him about leaving the door not only unlocked, but open and also to see why he was going in and out of the bathroom so many times. I open the bedroom door and call his name. The bathroom door is only 3 or 4 inches from our bedroom, so it's really odd that he's not answering me back. I say his name another couple of times then knock on the bathroom door, which is slightly ajar. Instead of hearing his voice come back at me, someone quickly pushes the door shut tightly. My gut starts to think oh crap, what if that's not my husband in there. Just then the door flies open and I'M RIGHT! IT'S NOT MY HUSBAND! It's a woman that I've never seen before staring back at me! And you know the best part??? I SLEEP IN THE BUFF--SO I'M COMPLETELY NAKED!!!

As I reach in my door for my robe and throw it on, I'd like to say that I reacted lady-like or godly, but unless you count furrowing my brow and screaming, "WHO THE F*** ARE YOU???", then I can't say I did. She wouldn't make eye contact with me and just kept pointing towards the kitchen and saying, "um, um, um...I'm sorry" before she bolted for the kitchen. Thoughts start swirling through my head and I'm wondering if I should grab her by the hair, should I call 911, is she robbing my house, is she doing something inappropriate with my husband, etc etc. I think Scott could hear my screaming at this woman and he comes walking into the dining room smiling and saying "good morning." As the lady bolts through the kitchen, he tells me that she and her boyfriend are people that he met at the smoke shop (which doesn't have a public bathroom I guess) and so he offered to BRING THEM BACK TO OUR HOUSE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM--as long as they're quiet because his wife is sleeping. He also let them use our computers to check their myspace!!! Then I went back in my room to throw on some clothes and when I came out, they were all gone. He then put them in our van and drove them around town!!!

To say that I went off like an atomic bomb would be grossly understating it. It amazes me the lack of insight that he has! *breathe in, breathe out* You know what amazes me the most? That he cannot understand why I'm so upset about it! My best friends that have been in my life for over 20 years have never seen me naked, but the girl buying cigarettes at the smoke shop has! My New Years has definitely come in with a bang.


Allison said…
Well, in spite of going off at the lady like an atomic bomb, I'd say you still handled it pretty well seeing as you you called me not 10 minutes later and you were still breathing. lol. I still can't believe that he has no idea why that would upset you...or anyone for that matter. Unbelievable....

P.S. Still laughing about this story, by the way...though I know I wouldn't be laughing if it had been ME! Sure does make for a funny story to tell once you have cooled off!

P.S.S. So, I guess that means you have been the first FLASHER of 2009, huh???
Gail said…
Good thing you didn't have a gun!

This is kinda funny...the word verification is WIVELL! Wive ill???

Here's hoping that the old adage, what you do on new year's day, is what you'll be doing all year, is not true!