8.11.2008

The new girl

I hate that I'm so shy when I'm in unknown territory. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin, embarrassed, awkward, bumbly and like I'm getting stared at 5 times more than I actually probably am. In situations like this, social anxiety takes over and I feel like a mess.
Right now I'm sitting on the couch waiting to go to work. It's my second day actually at the hospital and working on a floor. I'm supposed to spend a week on every floor so that I can be used to them all, which I think is crap because I already know how to do this part--they need to be teaching me what I don't know--like supervising. The point is that I'm scared to death of going in there. I'm sitting on the couch dreading the moment that I have to walk out of the door. I would give anything to be able to call off and stay at home! What's getting me through it though, is something that I just read on a friends blog that said, "God already knows." He already knows the fear in my heart and the loneliness I feel. He knows the dread of a shy girl being thrust into a new situation. He remembers all of the times I had to be the "new girl" at school. I think that did some lasting damage to me in that I feel such an internal panic whenever there's a new situation that I'd rather run the opposite way and contemplate going to Wal-Mart to hand out smiley face stickers. He knows and he will get me through it. I just hope it goes by quick and gets me back home in the blink of an eye.

3 comments:

Shawnda Lee said...

Just show em "V" and you'll be fine! You're infectious =)

Adwen, the Green Fairy said...

Keep you're chin up! You've got an awesome personality, heck I liked you before i even met you in person! :) LOL. You'll make it through. You have God's strength and our prayers holding you up and pushing you forward.
love ya,
Heather

Allison said...

Well as shy as you feel, you are really good at hiding it....and I', sure they all LOVE you!! What's not to love, hello???

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