So, a girl walks into a delivery room.....
...and she rolled out a mother. And her life would never be the same.
I reposted an old blog of mine (underneath this one) to remind myself and everyone else where we've come from. I used to worry about my girl so much. We'd both been through tragedy, she'd been through trauma. She rebelled, I disciplined. On and on it went. There were many points when I never thought we'd see this day. There were many other points when I thought if we did see this day that it would look much, much different than it actually does.
My little girl turned seventeen today; a very bittersweet moment for me. Thinking about letting her go is enough to already make me want to lay down in a fetal position. The other part is so insanely proud of her for becoming the young-woman she now is. I dropped her off at her fathers today and told him, "she's only FIVE weeks younger than I was when we got married." He gasped and shook his head in disbelief. On one hand, she's pretty-much a woman now. But on the other hand, she has a mom who's not going to let her pitch it all down the toilet. My mom must've trusted me a whole lot more! lol Cuz I don't trust this girl to go out into the world yet! Not even close! But we're closer than we were before.
Today in the car, Courtney looked at me and said, "Mom...I'm 17 today."
"I know Courtney." I smiled and patted her hand turning my eyes back to the road.
"No mom, I'm SEVENTEEN...and I'm not pregnant, not whoring it up, not skipping school, not doing drugs or drinking, not getting detentions, not failing school. I'm DOING IT."
Tears fill my eyes as I realize the place in her that this little speech has come from. She had as much doubt about her future for a while as I did....and now we can exhale.
"I know babe, you're right. You are DOING it. You are. I'm so proud of you for turning it around onto the good path that you're on. And if you stick to it, you're on your way to having a wonderful life Courtney. You're doing it babe....but actually, we did it together didn't we?" She smiles and shakes her head. "Yeah, honey you have a mom who refused to hand her little girl over to the world on a silver platter! I went kicking and screaming all the way and while the world was pulling on your arms, I grabbed your feet and fought even harder to keep you with me--I would NOT let you go down the wrong path without fighting tooth and nail for you. But you finally made the decision to start fighting for yourself--and that's when you finally started winning."
She sat quietly and smiling for a little while before jokingly saying, "Now I'm gonna run away and get married." I smacked her just as playfully and reminded her that she'd have big mama to answer to.
All joking aside, I have raised an extremely strong-personalitied young woman who has opinions, has never met a stranger, is intelligent, stylish and FUNNY. She is spunky and sometimes cranky, but without a doubt, always Courtney. Most importantly though, she has a heart. Courtney is one of the most thoughtful and giving people I've ever met who would gladly go without something so that someone else might have it. She is beautiful inside just like she is outside. It makes me sad that this journey is beginning to wind up, but it pleases me to know that it's looking like it will be declared a success.
Happy birthday my pretty, pretty girl, with the slammin' body and the junk in the trunk (Courtney got a donk!), to my funny (your MOM is funny!) Corki (Corkia Big-booty Judy) who would rather sit around in pajamas with her family dancing funny and making faces with us than anywhere else. You make our lives complete. You have added so much sheer, unadulterated FUN to my life in the past 17 years and every day has been more colorful and complete since the day I met you. On December 26th, 1991, at 4:01 p.m., in Ft. Polk Louisiana my life changed forever. God used you and your powerful personality to make me a momma--and it's been just you and me since then. There have been bad times and not so bad times, but through all the times after the other parts fall away, it really is just you and me sweetie, fighting against the world. Thank you for being my girl and loving me. I am SO PROUD of you and what you've accomplished and I am so proud to say that I know you and to be able to point at you and yell "I made that!!!" :) You're awesome Courtney. You rock and you know it. Keep being you and keep being good. Create a good life for yourself. Make good decisions and keep God in your life. You got good stuff coming your way. You've already been through some of the bad stuff and have made some good choices lately---do more of that! I love you--happy birthday Courtney. (Now I get to come spank you! heeheehee!)