5.23.2006

First love

The last month has brought yet another round of things to ponder, analyze and learn about myself. I'm not going to get too into it, but it has to do with the finding of my first love from high school and reuniting with him. Overall, he's still the amazing person I remember from years ago and I've loved every minute of getting to know him again. Honestly, I'm falling fast and hard. The problem is that there are some small issues to think about....I've shared a few of those with some of you. And the problem with that problem is that the only problems I can come up with all make me feel like a superficial bitch. lol

Actually, to me they aren't even real issues...but I'm well aware that's something I have to work on...and am constantly working on...the whole rose colored glasses thing. And so now, even if I don't see a problem with something, if everyone around me does I tend to listen more carefully in case they are seeing something that I'm oblivious to in my purple haze of naivety. And as happy as I am there have definitely been some concerns raised by some people around me. Mostly mentioning of things that could POSSIBLY happen, or potential. For example...a bad back that could lead to me having to be the main breadwinner in the home if anything should develop further and his back gets worse. Yeah, to me that's a concern too...that's not exactly what I was looking for in my future.

Needless to say this has all been weighing heavy on my mind lately because I hate to even start anything if I am hesitant. That's not fair to him. I usually will never date anyone unless the possiblity of something huge is there. If I don't think the potential for it to go all the way is there...I don't even give it a second glance because some may argue with me, but you just can't always control who you fall in love with. And why risk falling in love with someone who you know you have deal-breaking incompatibilities with?

Joleen finally called me. She has some major issues in her life right now... I know I always say that (and mean it)...but this time it's a little different. Please pray for her. Anyways, I was telling her about this situation and the concerns that seem to be there. She stopped me mid-sentence during my rambling and said "I want to remind you of something you said to me years ago. You probably don't even remember saying it, but I do. And it's something I've never forgotten. When you were married to the evil one and you were so terribly unhappy you said to me, 'if I ever find someone who genuinely loves me for me, who is good to me and has a beautiful heart, then I don't care if he is in a wheelchair, I will never let him go.' So although that's a legitimate thing to think about...follow your heart, because Veronica knows where Veronica will be happy."

I was silent for a moment. She was right. I've never been a person to look on the physical. And after all I've been through...I stand by what I said all those years ago. If I find a man to genuinely love me and care for me, who fits the list of qualifications, no major incompatibilities with...not much else matters to me. I won't let him go.

I don't know where the future will lead, but I know where I am today. 300 miles from a person that I want to be near so bad I ache.

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...