5.02.2006

Chill out Francis!!!

I was talking to someone last week about what kind of a guy I want/need. I was talking about how I need a man who knows what he wants and goes and gets it. Someone who can and will sweep me off of my feet. Someone passionate and affectionate where I will have no doubts what they feel...anyone within 50 feet of us will know what he feels. lol I want someone to be over the moon for me. I want to be gazed at. You know the kind of look I mean? Have you ever caught someone in love just gazing at the object of their affections? Oh I have and let me tell you, I got total gaze envy! I've never forgotten it and I knew then and there that's what I wanted. I had only come across one person who ever possessed these qualities and he's off-limits. But I've had a taste of it and I knew that I would be totally unwilling to settle for anything less than that in the future.

I'm not a boy chaser and almost resent it when I'm put in a position where I have to chase. It turns me off. I want to be pursued. I want to hunted and gathered. I want to be adored. A friend once said to me, "I can manufacture someone to take care of my lawn. I can manufacture someone to fix my car. I can't manufacture someone to cherish me."

So I was explaining all of this to my friend last week and I said, "I think that I have such a strong personality that I just need to meet my match." I need someone to not be intimidated by me and I need someone who I have chemistry with to just come and get me! lol I thought I was serious...and maybe I still am...to a point. Although I must say the thought of it thrills me to no end...the last couple of days it's happened...and it scared the f*** out of me! lol Someone that I have amazing chemistry with...always have... have searched to find to make amends/catch up with/tell him I loved him when I was in high school and have never forgotten about him... feels the same about me....the the nth degree...wants me...and wants to hunt and gather me! He adores me. He's passionate and amazing and isn't afraid to tell me everything that he has no idea I've always longed to hear. Everything I've wanted. And it's scared me to death. lol

He's amazing and I don't want to lose track of him again but I need S-L-O-W cletus! I need slow and steady. I need there to be no fear...only peace. I thought I needed all of those things I listed earlier. But as Carrie Bradshaw said, "That's the thing about needs...sometimes when we get them met we don't need them anymore." Or maybe I do need all of those things...I know deep down I do...perhaps just not so quickly.

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