But I'm a FUN Jerry Springer!

I'm a firm believer that when you're supposed to be moving in a new direction, God will sometimes send you reminders to point you in the right direction.  Sometimes he will even send you reminders of where you've come from in order to remind you where you've been and how good it feels to not be there anymore.  And I think that's what he's done for me several times this week over and over again.

Several days ago at work, someone got to talking about the evil one and asked how much longer he has in prison.  They then got to asking about how he had acted or different things I had been through and for even just a brief second, I stepped back into that place in time.  I felt such heaviness and oppression.  The anger and the abuse, the constant drama...I couldn't wait to shake it off!

After that, I received a picture message from my first husband.  He, my ex mother-in-law and Darren had gone to the Olive Garden (yum) and sent me a picture of the food.  Afterwards, he called to say "My mom said to tell you she didn't even steal any of the silverware!! (lol) AND none of us wrote a bad check to them!"  See, about 20 years ago, we took her out to dinner there and I looked over to see her shoving the silverware in her purse.  I was MORTIFIED.  Then, a few days later, I found out that the check we had written to them had accidentally bounced.  MORTIFIED AGAIN.  So after Randy told me all of this, I responded with, "AWW!  Look at us all growing up and stuff!"

Then, a few days ago, one of the teenage girls that Courtney was friends with started some MAJOR drama that I'm not even going to rehash.  The sad thing?  That her MOTHER got involved too.  Not just involved as in trying to help solve things, but involved like she was a 14-year-old ghetto trashy girl.  Looking back on my responses to them, I am actually quite proud of myself that I never stooped to their level and only tried to help make the situation better.  When I couldn't, I removed my children from the situation and cut ties with them.  Years ago?  No, I probably would have punched the mother in the mouth for a few of the things she said.  It wouldn't have been pretty.  These days, my bark is worse than my bite and usually I don't even have much of a bark left.

Last but not least, I was telling Allison the other day how someone I work with teases me saying that my life sounds like a Jerry Springer episode.  I whined saying, "I don't want to be dysfunctional Jerry Springer!"  Allison replied, "You're not!  You're a FUN Jerry Springer!"  That made me laugh.  I guess if your life has to resemble Jerry Springer, FUN would be the way to go.

We got to talking about how vastly different my life is right now than from one year ago and I can hardly believe it even though I'm living it.  One year ago, I had called the police to remove my manic & exhausting husband from my house and refused to let him come home...he had to go live in a homeless shelter.  A few weeks later, I agreed to let him come home short-term and in the few days he was there?  Stole my parents credit card information, half o the belongings in the house AND what else did Prince Harming do?..... brought the neighborhood junkies into our home on New Years Day so that they could use our computers to check their frickin' myspace....BUT I didn't know about it (because I would have said 'hell no') and walked to the bathroom naked as Baby New Year in front of them!  Yes, Happy New Year to me!  There I was scared and thinking someone had broken into my home and therefore going off like a crazy woman, all the while showing my chuckie to the junkie he brought home from the smoke shop! *sigh*  Allison was laughing her butt off and saying, "Who else would these things happen to but YOU???"  It's true.  I have always tended to be some kind of a freak beacon.

Which brings me back to now.  I'm sitting in my quiet, peaceful home knowing that I have NONE of those worries anymore.  The toxins have been removed...especially once my divorce is final.  I can't believe where I've come from and wonder how I even got there to begin with.  But I know that I'm moving forward from it.  I am so far removed from all of that jazz-hands drama and although I don't think it was ever ME to begin with, I always found myself stuck in the middle of someone else's drama whether I liked it or not.  NOW?  I don't even want to be near anyone else's drama.  I want peace.  I want happiness.  I want joy.  I want love. 

This was my horoscope recently.....

“You are now like someone who has just run a marathon. You are physically drained but mentally still prepared to keep pushing on. It hasn't yet sunk in that the race is over and the pressure is off. In the war against a recurring source of stress, you have recently won your biggest battle so far, even if you don't yet realize it. Coming events should show you how far things have moved on. You'll feel far better in a few days. Or, at least, you will - provided you remember that you are now fully entitled to relax."

♥ veronica


Allison said…
*phew* Oh what a difference a year makes! I'm so glad for you that you are finding PEACE!!!!