2.19.2006

Crazy Carl


*warning...not for the faint at heart! ;) *


Carl is my most totally CRAZY, totally unlikely, totally platonic friend. He is loud and rude and somewhat obnoxious with a mind as dirty as mine. LOL The short little well-behaved girl and the big, loud-mouthed guy..... what a pair! haha Most people can't stand him just because he can be such an abrasive, tell-it-like-it-is kind of guy....but we were INSTANT friends when I started working here at this hospital believe it or not. Whenever we work together we cause way too much trouble because we can spend hours just laughing and laughing..... I have a BLAST with him. We have a shared sense of humor that not many other people get. It's pretty crude the things that we laugh about....but they make me fall off my chair rolling! lol References to "well girl you'd be able to pay your bills if you'd quit giving discounts!" and then I respond with "like you're one to talk...you're so pathetic your only dates recently have been hookers that give punch cards so you can earn a freebie on your 10th visit!". etc, etc.

He's finicky though. Very high-maintenance. lol For example, because I was sick recently I hadn't called him in a week or so. BACK OFF CLETUS I DIDN'T FEEL GOOD! SO SUE ME! I can hear him in my mind responding to me right now saying "oh shut the f*** up! You had the flu not an amputated dialing finger!"...he's such a primadonna. LOL I think he's the only person on the face of the earth who could get away with talking to me like that. I think it's because I know him so well and know that he doesn't mean a word of it, he's just being funny in his own way. He actually has the best heart.

So he calls me last week and leaves a voicemail...but I didn't know it because my phone never said anything about voicemail OR missed call. So I'm laying there sick one night and Carl calls from my floor at work and says "I'm just calling to tell you that I'm breaking up with you. You never return my calls and I never get to spend any time with you." I just start cracking up and said "Sweetie don't you have to be a boyfriend before you can break up with someone? And if you were my boyfriend shouldn't I be getting more 'benefits' from this relationship?" and he yells "oh shut the heck up dam***! I'm breaking up with you...don't try to get out of this now!" I just laughed at him and hung up.

So tonight at work I'm walking down the hall and I can hear his mouth from around the corner and I'm thinking "oh boy...here we go" as I start laughing. I call him "sexual chocolate" as a joke all the time .... this is our conversation:

"Sexual Chocolate!!! I've missed you!!!!" (and I go to give him a hug.... he has a thing about being touched....he hates it LOL... so I was doing it just to pick at him)

"NO! WHAT ARE TOUCHING ME FOR?????"

"Oh come on Carl.....give me a hug!"

"No, you get away from me! I told you I broke up with you! Our friendship is over! There is no more Carl & Veronica friends forever!"

"I don't want to fight anymore."

"I don't care, you should've thought about that when you weren't returning peoples phone calls."

"I was sick. You forgive me....you know you do. Lets kiss and make up!"

"Ewww! I'm not kissing you!"

"Come on Carl.... what about make up sex?"

"Okay you win."

And then we just start cracking up and things are back to "normal".... me telling him about a cute guy I'm crushing on and him rolling his eyes at me. Him telling me about how he just told someone off and he's probably going to get "talked to" by his boss in the morning and me rolling my eyes at him. lol

LOL....anyone on the outside would never get half the jokes that we make with each other, but we have the best time together. Maybe someday I'll see him with someone and he will be happy. That would be great....because he's the coolest. We're like Carrie Bradshaw & Stanford Blatch. LOL

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