Unfriendly

Unfriendly.  If you're unfriendly, don't aim it in my direction, because I don't want any part of it.  But how unfriendly does someone have to be before you're willing to throw in the towel on the whole relationship?  If you've had months or years of good with two or three instances of unfriendliness and bad behavior thrown in at various times, is that enough?  Is there a magic number?  I don't know.  I don't know anything right now.

I got onto this pity party because I HATE how quickly change comes in my life.  I feel like I can never let my guard down or relax because no one can ever really be trusted and change comes in the blink of an eye.  At church, we're going through this six-week series about "I've got issues" (I've screwed up, I've got stress, I've got anger, etc).  This weekend was about stress and burn-out.  The pastor reminded us that no matter where we go or what we do, if we have any dealings with the outside world or other humans, change and disappointment and betrayal, etc are going to happen.  We can't control other people and sometimes they can't even control themselves.  The key is to know that no matter what someone else does, you can trust God's promises and know that he'll make it right.  Then we sang "It Is Well" and I realized that it was well with my soul.

I had a crappy birthday, as you all know.  The things that happened this week may not be well with my flesh, but things are well with my soul.  I was falsely accused of something and it upset me so much.  The person accusing me believed their story so strongly that it made them behave very, very badly.  I never ever ever ever saw it coming, it came out of nowhere and completely blindsided me.  This person's reaction blindsided me even more and I was DEVASTATED.  I was bewildered and sad and no idea where this accusation would come from and more importantly, WHY?  God knew the truth and my heart and all I could pray was for God to clear my name.  Time and truth always meet and I could only sit back and wait for God to vindicate me.  And he has.  But the damage has been done.  Bells can't be unrung.  So what do you do with the knowledge of how unfriendly someone was when they're supposed to be one of your closest friends?  What was the purpose of this happening?  Was it to make me leave this relationship?  This person has been getting back into church and also counseling and has made huge strides for the better.  Was it to make us both see that they are not where they're supposed to be yet and was to serve as a humbling experience to make them work even harder?  I don't know the answers yet.  I know they've acknowledged that I'm innocent and have profusely apologized.  They've made it clear how sorry they are, etc.

I think, unless you are facing out and out abusive behavior, as long as someone is making forward movement, and trying to get better, bearing more fruit, etc., that you shouldn't give up easily.  This is always where I get into trouble (and why I'm in therapy!) because even though this appears to be one of my many charms, I'm not sure it's the right way to think.  This is what comes natural to me, but it's also what gets me into trouble.  I think you should absolutely show grace to other people when they screw up, as long as they're trying.  Where mercy is shown, mercy is given.  BUT, you shouldn't do that all the time, to every person.  How do you know when you should and when you shouldn't?  That's my problem.  I'm not the best at discerning when someone just hit a little blip on the screen, or when they are just unfriendly.  Sounds like it should be simple, huh?  And yet, here I am.

"Mean"

by

Taylor Swift

lurve you, xoxo v.