It's all up to me

That familiar weight pulling me down

like an anvil around my soul.

I see other people living their lives around me

completely oblivious to the war

that is going on within my heart this week.

"How are you?" they ask innocently.

"I'm fine, how are you?" I respond just as casually.

They have no clue that as soon as they look away,

the fake smile I had worn like a mask falls away.

The sparkle leaves my eyes and is replaced by a trace of tears.

This week is always hard for me.

Sometimes (most of the time) I think the people that know me best

either forget or could care less (because they think it's no big deal)

how much I struggle this particular week.

So as always, I pick myself up, take some deep breaths

and put my game face on.

It's my problem, why burden anyone else with it.

That's the story of my entire life.

Handle it yourself,

because when it really comes down to it,

no matter what people say to the contrary,

no one else really cares.

It's all up to me.

And I will handle it myself.

I hope.