7.03.2007

Morale booster

Hey ya'll. Just here to drop a few lines to catch everyone up on my life. Not much has changed. As you can tell from my last few posts I've been struggling with a little bit of depression lately. Mostly on the personal/relationship front. It's still struggling honestly. It's not even that we don't get along....it's just that there's nothing happening. Some people like gifts, some people like acts of service...i'm pretty much tied equally between physical touch and quality time (have you guys read "the five love languages"?). When one person feels that just being under the same roof qualifies as quality time and the other needs more than that...it can lead to trouble. I was pretty much at my lowest low point so far today....and God knew it. He is so good isn't he? Today I got a compliment in my inbox from an old friend asking why I put "Just me..." next to the pics on my page ("cause anyone looking at that would never think it is "just" you.....thank you, you know who you are.) Then Joleen called me twice today. She never calls me much anymore, so when I missed her first call I figured I'd call her back eventually....but then she called again. So I said "ok Lord, I get it....I'll call her." And I'm glad I did. We talked for over two hours and it really fed my spirit so much. Through the conversation she said some really complimentary things to me that gave me a little boost and made me smile and then we prayed together...and that always helps. I have the best friends, I really do. I love them all so much. I honestly don't believe Scott always has any malicious intent for avoiding me....even though I bring it up to him. I think most of the time he just doesn't get it. He's heard it. It's been expressed to him. But it is still lost on him. He just doesn't get it. The problem is that I had reached the point last night and then today where I quit. I quit trying, quit asking, quit offering myself to him. I checked out. And you know what he had the nerve to say to me? "What's your problem the last few days...you've had a real attitude towards me." No pal, I just quit making myself so available to you. And if you don't know what the problem is after I've broadcast it on a billboard for you AND sent you smoke signals then oh well. I'm done. If you want me, you'll work for me now. Why is love about such crappy fu**ing games???? And don't any of you dare come back at me with your high-horse crap about "if it's real love then there shouldn't be any games ever played." Bullcrap. I don't care how "healthy" your relationship is....you've played games at some point or another. It's the nature of the beast. And if you claim you haven't...then I heap you in the same pile with the guys who say they don't jerk off or "no, of course I don't think she's pretty honey!", or "I ALWAYS floss!".....whatever. I'm the flossing queen and even I don't always floss! Anyways, I digress. Needless to say, that phone conversation kind of talked me down from the ledge for the time being.

On other notes....I'm totally addicted to Mandy Moore's new album "Wild Hope". I wasn't crazy about the songs at first until I read an article talking about how most of the songs were written about Zach Braff (from Scrubs) and their break-up last summer. I love Zach....think he's awesome and so witty. I love Scrubs too....it's one of my faves ever. So being the voyeur that I am I wanted to know all the dish on their beeswax and read all the lyrics while listening to the songs....and now I'm addicted to the album. I found myself constantly humming the songs and singing them in my head...I just can't get enough of it now. I especially really love the tracks "Can't You Just Adore Her" and "Gardenia". p.s....from the lyrics it totally sounds like Zach cheated on her!!! BOO YOU WHORE!!! Ok, that was a little harsh...I mean SAY IT AIN'T SO!!! Like I said, I love me some Zach, but any man who cheats..... BAD! His last blog talked about the bad press lately that's labeled him a "cad" and his claim is "don't believe the hype." So the following is aimed at Zach (because we all know he reads all of his fans blogs! duh!):
You are obviously very articulate as well as witty. The best you can come up with was "don't believe the hype"??? Come on vanilla bear....you're letting down your biggest fans. And not that we need to know your business...but IF (if, if, if) you really did do these things....you could at least apologize. The way you leave it, the songs are speaking for themselves.

Ok, I'm done.

Other than that...I got my new job!!! WOOHOO!! It's 3-11, 3 times per week. It's as an "admission facilitator" which means going from E.R. and floor to floor doing the admission paperwork for new patients. If you're a nurse you can read between the lines on that one.... NO MESSY WORK (if you know what I mean, *wink, wink*)!!!! Yeah baby! lol At first I was nervous because the Director of Nursing called me and offered me the position and said "we'll discuss when you start next week when I get back from vacation." .......and then they fired her and three more big-wigs the very next morning and she'll NEVER BE BACK from vacation!!! lol Yeah! That's what I was thinking too! lol So I've been making alot of calls to H.R. and my boss, etc. And Praise the Lord...I still have my new position! *phew!* They just have to work on when I start and under what boss. So please keep praying for me.

Nothing else really new right now. I've been planning (every day) to start a diet and change the way I'm eating....and to work out more. HA! I kind of blew that out of the water this week! lol What with my depression (which is all P.M.S. based I know) I can forget trying it for another week or so. Oh well...that's ok. Fat & sassy! I need to look up that old blog and post it for old-times-sake and for a little morale booster.

Hope you're all doing great! Love you all! :)

VB

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