The idea of it all

You know part of me has almost forgotten I used to own a business. Time really does heal things huh? It was a relatively successful business at that. It's a shame I had to quit. Shut it down. Finito. The demands of single-motherdom and the emotional needs of my children at that time were (and still are) too big to devote all of my time and energy to a fledgling business.

I never realized how much time and devotion starting and running a business took! Man oh man, there would be days I'd be sitting at the computer having only had 2 or 3 hours of sleep in the last several days, no shower, hair a mess.... actually that was a rather good way to get my kids to leave me alone for a while cause no one would want to come near me smelling like that!!! haha But I was obsessed! I LOOOOOOOOOVED that business! It was my baby. From the concept to the graphics, packaging, marketing, web-site design.... I was a rather fantastic one-woman show. And not to brag or anything.... yeah, ok I'm gonna brag! lol.... MY CANDLES ROOOOOOOOOOCKED!!! I don't just mean they were good, I could totally kick Yankee Candles butt anyday! I was good at it. I've learned to acknowledge my strengths as well as weaknesses and believe me there's a whole lot more of the latter! So when I come across something I'm actually good at.... I'm admitting to it! This weekend, unbeknownst to me, my domain name got renewed and I got the receipt via email that they had charged my checking account automatically (grrrrrrrr!). Of course I had cancelled it, of course they're going to reimburse me... that's not what I want to talk about.... it's that I had actually forgotten (at least in part of my brain) that it existed. It's been three years how time flies! This got Allison & I talking during our girls weekend about how she wants to learn to make candles. Of course I said I'd be happy to teach her...then I got to thinking.... hey, wait a minute! She's one of my best customers.... I'm not gonna teach her to make her own!!! haha Maybe I should re-open? Actually, my friend Kristin & I have been thinking about opening a business together. Different name, partners instead of solo. I've been teaching her how to make my candles for the last couple of years and we made some as Christmas gifts last year.... a HUGE hit with the friends and fam! So I've been thinking.... should I? Could I? I feel like k-k-k-katie from "The Way We Were" singing "Memories". LOL ('Your girl is lovely Hubble.').... OH COME ON!!! You guys haven't seen the way we were???? How can you be a girl and not have seen the way we were? Wow. Rent it. Even if it's outdated it's almost a mandatory thing as a girl! You grow boobs, start your period, learn about sex (from your best friend and not your mother of course), watch the way we were. Ok, back to the subject!

So anyyyywaaayyyys.... the question was should I re-open? Yeah... a part of me would love to.... and I certainly could use the money!!! But the more I think about it, the more I'm thinking that it wasn't so much the business that I loved, but it was the idea of the business. I love the idea of going through the process, seeing something grow that I can be proud of, hearing people talk about how much they love my product....what a good job I'm doing. I don't miss the work. I sure don't miss the sore back from sitting at this computer most of the time. I don't miss never cooking for my kids. I don't miss having to remake 200 + candles because Fed-ex stomped on the boxes and broke every single one of them ("but of course we'll reimburse you!"...yeah, but you're not gonna remake them for me!!!). Yeah... it's the idea of being a successful business owner.

So that got me thinking about other aspects of my life. Do I really love all of the things that I hold onto? What about all of the things that I've been thinking I want out of life? Do I really want those things.... or do I just like the idea of those things? Of course marriage is the biggest and baddest of all these to tackle so I'm going there know I've never been one to back away from the tough stuff!!! I know I want to marry again....eventually...... right? Yeah, I think I do. For the most part. I know I do want companionship. I want someone to snuggle with, go one dates with, kiss passionately, tell me I'm pretty, laugh our butts off, go to the movies, Christmas shop with, travel with, try-to-fit-both-our-big-butts-in-a-littl-tub-together-because-it's-supposed-to-be-romantic-but-is-actually-just-a-comedy-routine kind of a partner. But does that mean marriage? Probably somewhere down the road. But honestly I think it's been the idea of it. Because when it comes down to it at this point in my life do I really want to pick up someones dirty clothes again? Listen to someone gripe? Leave the toilet seat up so that I fall an inch below the cold porcelain at 3 a.m.? Share my space? "But Honey, I don't want to put your tacky looking pinball machine in the corner of my pretty living room!"....or whatever issue it would be that day. lol Share my bed every single night? uggh I think you get my point. Right now anyways.... I think I'm going to order the nice, devoted, loyal, sexy, doting, affectionate, not afraid of public displays of affection, laid back boyfriend. Yeah. I think that will hit the spot!