4.29.2009

Go Go Gokey!!!

Holy crap am I excited!!! Courtney had called me at work and told me that I was going to "so love American Idol this week", but she wouldn't tell me why. Well she was RIGHT! It was standards week on AI, which everyone knows is "my" music and it was fantastic! As soon as I heard the big band playing and heard the theme I started swooning.

The best part so far for me though is Danny Gokey. I gotta say, it's getting super tough to pick because I like all of them at this point. Allison is my least favorite right now (even though she is totally awesome). I love Matt & the Justin vibe I get from him. I think Chris is phenomenal. I haven't seen Adam yet...I'll watch him in a minute. What I am swooning about right now though is DANNY FREAKIN' GOKEY!!!

First of all, nothing could get me more excited than seeing all these guys in dark suits and white shirts. I think every man on the face of the earth should stick to this dress code every single day. There is nothing, and I mean nothing (no, not even naked) that looks better on a man than a black, fitted suit with a crisp white shirt and a dark tie. And then to top it off...he sang my favorite song. Yeah, get there people. He is perfection to me right now. Come Rain or Come Shine is my favorite standard of all time (the Ray Charles version in particular) and he sang it. I have to admit that he was slightly boring at first and I was afraid that he was going to let me down, but about a third of the way into the song, maybe half way, he kicked it into high gear and smacked it down. Honestly, I prefer a smoother more intimate sound to it than he gave it, but he still really kicked butt with it. I was completely swooning and in love by the end and declaring that I wanted to marry him (in the suit of course) and have ten of his babies.

GO GO GOKEY!!!

my favorite version by Ray Charles:





Who loves ya kid?

This week the wooer kicked it up a notch. A few notches actually. I feel kind of bad that I'm still stand-offish to him, but it is what it is. So what did he do to up the ante?

He told me he loves me.

Yeah, for him this is huge. He's never said those words to me before. Ever. He's alluded to it, but never those words. His specialty was always, "Who loves ya kid?" That was his way of letting me know I was something special. But this week, "I love you honey." *sigh* His special? "who loves ya kid?" My special lately? Busting his balls. I responded with a "Yeah, yeah, yeah. xoxo" I know...I was eloquent and gracious. Not.


4.26.2009

Notorious


This was a notorious weekend. Not because anything special happened, but because I was finally able to see Notorious, the story of the Notorious B.I.G. It was really, really good and they did an amazing job telling the story of one of the best success stories and most tragic demises of my lifetime. Although I have to say that I really don't think they did justice to the Lil' Kim character. I think that she and Biggie had a much deeper and more substantial relationship than this script wants to give credit for. But that's just my opinion. And let me make sure to say, that if you're thinking about watching this movie, it IS full of foul language and situations that many of you might not want to have on your tv. It's a realistic movie about his life...and that wasn't always pretty.

The second time I watched it, Courtney was able to watch it with me and I loved seeing all of the bits and pieces of things she remembered hearing and seeing through her short life click into place as she is now old enough to understand things that she couldn't when it was going down. After all, he died in March of 1997 when she was only five years old. She knows that she's been raised listening to his music and that I've always been a fan of his, but she never knew much of the back story. Tonight she got educated and she cried through the end of it. People who aren't aware of his story tend to think that he was so hard and such a thug, but they don't know that he had a heart and that he could also be kind and gentle. His son played the young Biggie in the movie and looks just like him. He did a good job.

I remember crying as I watched his funeral procession on tv. I remember seeing all of the people lining the streets of Brooklyn and hearing them blast Hypnotize from the loudspeakers as his hearse made it's way through the streets. I was sad afterwards when some rioting broke out. I can't believe that was 12 years ago. Anyways, the movie was good. I've read some good things about it and some bad, but I think they did a really good job and I'm glad that someone finally paid tribute to him.

Wow! I want to be a nurse!




4.24.2009

I'd rather have someone who makes my heart go pitter-pat drunk dial me

I am being pursued & wooed. Two things that I absolutely adore. I never dreamed that my feelings about this would be person-specific. In fact, I was quite sure that I would always love this kind of a mojo check regardless of from whence it came. But alas, I have discovered that although I can't deny it is giving me some joy, it's not the normal "high" that I would normally get from it...because it's not coming from the person I want it to come from (that elusive mystery man who's name I refuse to reveal....NO, I still don't want to say because I still firmly believe that someday it will be and I don't want to jynx it).

So who's doing the wooing? He's an ex. Anyone who knows much about me and remembers some of my ex's from the CHP days will know who it is. He was SOOOOO wrong for me and I often got teased that he was old enough to be my father. I guess he was...if he had me young and in high school maybe. He is the polar opposite of my taste and of what is right for me, but yet I have fun with him. I think because I don't even jokingly pretend that there would ever be a future with him, so he's safe to just enjoy. But he has decided to come back with a vengeance.

He calls, he texts, he calls some more. He compliments and flatters. Of course, he isn't telling me anything I don't already know. Yes, I know I'm amazing. Yes, I know I have the most beautiful voice you've ever heard and that I'm so pretty and a great mom and I'm so smart and that I am hillarious and always make you laugh. You're right---I'm fantastic! ;) I have to admit that it feels good, but it's empty to me. My heart is kind of repelling it like it's coated in teflon. I think about him and I think... ehhhh. Yeah, if he were closer I'd probably give him the time of day, but not for anything serious. He would just be a time filler. How ironic that I think that's what I was to him all those years ago.

Oh well, it's always nice to be flirted with. But I guess I'm just a picky bitch that I want it to be from someone that I really click with. Someone who gets my sense of humor and makes me laugh in return. Someone who makes my heart skip a beat when they gaze at me and smile. Or stroke my hair. Or drunk dial me all buzzy to confess their true feelings and thoughts about me (yes, as awful as that sounds, it can actually come across as charming from the right person lol. Drunk words are sober thoughts after all). I guess I just have to settle for what's being aimed at me right now, huh?



Stuck in my head



The Veronica's are my new favorite group

(and not just because of the name either).

They aren't really my typical kind of music,

but I have found myself not

being able to get enough of them.

Their two albums are on my wishlist now...

hint, hint for anyone listening

who wants to buy me gifts

(anonymous gifts accepted, of course)

:)

The first three songs on here are my complete faves

but I really like every song of theirs that I've heard.

That settles it...

it must be the name.

It holds magic powers. ;)



4.22.2009

I hear gasps in 3, 2, 1......

Am I a bad person?

Am I somehow evil?

Or heartless?

People don't believe me when I say I'm not an animal person,

but honestly...I just don't really get it.

Okay, one time my eyes started to tear up towards the end,

but it quickly went away.

I'm sure I will be shunned

and if I were onstage I'd have

tomatoes thrown at me and what-not.

But I'm putting it out there for the world to hear.

I did not cry at the end of Marley & Me.

There I said it.

Let the public scorning begin.

4.20.2009

What's in YOUR youtube favorites?

So, what's in YOUR youtube favorites?

I'll start showing you mine if you show me yours!

Actually, if you regularly read this blog,

you've probably already seen a lot of them.

But there are some

that have embedding disabled by the owner

(douches)

So here's the link to one of mine.

It's a t-i-g-h-t remix

of "Sexy Back"

with a lot of Britney featured in it too.

Love watching it.

Enjoy! :)

Still one of my faves



Emma quote of the day


Today at the hospital, Maddie asked, "What exactly IS a blood clot?"

Amelia looking like a little grown up said,

"Well Maddie, a blood clot is where all of your little blood cells clump together

and it clogs everything all up.

You usually get them when you sit still for too long or

take long trips in cars or on planes."

We just sat speechless with our mouths hanging open and staring at her.

Then she said,

"What? I learned it from Dr. G medical examiner."


Life flashing before my eyes

I'm super stoked to tell you all that I'm now back home and the doppler was negative for DVT (clot). You all have NO IDEA how relieved I was!!!

After finding out that I needed to get to the hospital and seeing the word "STAT" circled in red on the paper, my veneer started to crack a little bit. Then, when I found myself racing around to get Courtney to work and get the little ones something to eat before I took them to the hospital with me, I heard myself saying to a friend, "I don't have time for this..." and then I lost it. There was a dear family friend who had found herself in the same situation in her 30's and said something very similar to my mom on her way to the hospital...and she never came home. So the reality was all too vivid to me and I was outwardly trying to hold it together as I was typing my meltdown into my phone to a friend.

I started having major life flash before my eyes moments. I realized a lot of things, many of which are better left unsaid, but the least of which were that I haven't updated my will in at least five years and my life insurance doesn't kick in until the first. So until I do get it updated, I'm putting here as publicly and mine as it can get that Maddie and Amelia can either go with my mom or Allison (whichever would like to or feels most up to raising them). Courtney is only months away from being an adult (sniff), so she could probably go with her dad or stay with the little girls. Darren can stay with his dad. As long as none of them EVER end up with the evil one or ANY of his family and as long as Scott doesn't get his pathetic hands on even one penny or belonging of mine. Maybe the wedding pictures....he can have some of those to remind him of how good he could've had it. Other than that, NOTHING. *sigh* okay, enough with that sadness. :(

When the ultrasound tech let me off the hook and told me that she didn't see any clots or distended vessells, I was so relieved I almost squeeled out loud. :) Now, I am just very aware of how blessed I am. You're stuck with me for at least one more day bitches!!

Prayer please

I need prayer please.

My doctor is sending me to the hospital

for a stat doppler

to see if i have a blood clot in my leg.

i'll keep you posted

4.18.2009

My daughters tears

My heart broke for my little girl tonight. Madelaine has always been my most tender-hearted child with the most pollyannic view of the world. Tonight I had to watch as some painful and horrific bits of worldly reality made its first major impact on that innocence...and that was hard for me.
This evening we watched the movie "An American Crime" together. I had never seen it and had honestly forgotten what it was even supposed to be about. I just knew that the Ellen Paige (the girl who played Juno---one of my favorite movies of all time) was in it, which is why I had rented it. Turns out, it's based on a true story of Sylvia Likens, a teenage girl who is taken in as a border while her parents travel for work and is subsequently tortured and killed (in horrible ways) over a period of months. Maddie had been crying quietly from almost the beginning, but had hit a fever pitch after a particularly hard part to watch. My heart sank as a huge sob escaped her and she looked up at me with a tear-stained face that was distorted with sobbing as she said, "this kind of thing actually happens to people??? To children???" Her question actually made me tear up as I had to confess to her that, yes, abuse actually happens. I felt her spirit crash as she burst into a brand new round of sobs, which got worse at the end of the movie because we had actually not known until then that it was a true story. Learning that it was made the sadness and the sympathy for this girl even more intense.
After the movie, I held my little girl and stroked her hair as she cried. I didn't think the tears would ever end. She was so devastated to learn that ugliness like that exists. She managed to choke out how grateful she was for me, which made me feel good and I told her that maybe she was so affected by this because God was speaking to her heart. Maybe it's her calling in life to help end child abuse. Being the person she is, she immediately grabbed hold of that and is mulling that over. She's such an old soul...always has been. She's only 11, but she's more mature than my 17 year old. It wouldn't surprise me if she ends up doing something really amazing in her lifetime.
I always swore that I would do my best to protect both her and Amelia after the tragic things that had happened to Courtney, and I guess I succeeded to a point because the look of devastated heartbrokennes on her face when she realized that abuse actually happens to people...especially children...in this world said it all. If I could, I would wipe everything out of this world that could hurt my children. I would destroy every match, lighter, whatever, so that there could never be any fire. I would destroy cars so that there could never be any accidents. I would put them in a bubble if I knew it would keep them safe. But I can't. I hate that they have to find out that the world isn't all good. It's not just filled with rainbows and butterflies. But I suppose that if they absolutely have to find out those realities eventually, I'm grateful that I was allowed to be present for it so that I could be the one to comfort her afterwards.

Still one of my faves






I L-O-V-E the Kaitlin skits from SNL!

When they first came out,

this is EXACTLY how Maddie acted

and it used to crack me up.

Whenever she pulls a "Kaitlin stunt",

I still use the line,

"I changed muh mind Rick!"

or

"RICK! RICK! RICK!"

so funny. :)



Still one of my faves



Still one of my faves



SNL cheerleader are some of my all-time favorites!

4.17.2009

Roots

What would the world be like if people weren't afraid to admit to each other how they really feel or what they really thought. What would happen if we were each unafraid to stop directly in our tracks and switched course? What if we were each brave enough to step out on a limb, pull up our roots and have the courage to plant them somewhere else? What roots would you like to replant today? Or tomorrow?

4.16.2009

Running to the tomb


I came across this picture today on someone else's blog.

It's called "Running to the Tomb"

The hopeful, expectant yet unsure looks in their eyes

spoke to my heart immediately.


Have you seen them?

And by "them" I mean all of the updates

that have been posted over on

I Love You More Than Pork Chops

this week.

Go check 'em out!

4.15.2009

Things I should blog about but can't figure out how to make them a cohesive idea...

So, screw it... you get my chopped up, incohesive thoughts just like I do...all raw and unpolished...
  1. You know, dude, I cuss way more than most people know. I've struggled to stop with the potty mouth for years and years because I self-punished and judged and told myself how "bad" and "wrong" and "dirty" I was. But I have decided recently that this is going to be the year where I let go of alllllll the crap that has made me miserable for so long. Including but not limited to legalistic attitudes regarding religion and lifestyle, divorce, dating, physical, intimacy...and cussing. Now I know not to roll up into the sanctuary dropping the f-bombs all over the place, there's a time and place for all that debauchery, but in everyday life and on M-Y personal blog, I'm just gonna start letting it rip. I'm going to start being myself even if "myself" is stank, so I totally understand if some of you need to go because you don't like to look upon such things. OH WELL! I respect your way of life, you should respect mine. Some others of you will talk a little smack about me behind my back about "how can a Christian, blah blah blah", but I'm okay with that too. It's my journey, right or wrong. No one else but me has to answer for it and I'm okay with the way I am. I'm not drinkin', druggin' or sleeping around and if the worst I do is speak my mind and cussing like a truck driver then I'm okay with that. You don't have to be here to see it if you don't want to be. Man, I didn't know that would take so long to say!! ha!
  2. Second, I miss my friends. ALL of them. North, south, east and west...I'm lonely and missing my friends. I'd like to do some traveling soon with all the cheap tickets you can get on southwest.com and see my friends and family. We'll see what happens.
  3. I spent HOURS online with tmobile tonight trying to get this piece of crap freaking phone to work. They sent me a replacement today (I'm on my third version of this phone now) to replace the one that is defective and guess what??? After hours trying to get the new one to work? It doesn't. I had to switch everything back to my old defective phone again until they can get me a different one. BLAH!!! You know, we plan and God laughs. That's what it boils down to.
  4. Went to the mall today. We met someone there that courtney was buying a prom dress from on craigslist so that she could try it on. It looks beautiful and so at least that's over with. I was extremely disappointed that dick's sporting goods closed down their rock climbing wall. The kids loved to climb there and were so sad. That was really the only form of entertainment they've had around here lately. This place is PRETTY BORING for us since we've been here. I'm struggling pretty bad and I know they are too. Hopefully once the weather gets better we'll be able to get to the parks and whatnot.
  5. Dear Scott, my soon-to-be-ex-husband.... suck it. I would say suck it and choke on it, but he doesn't have any life insurance, so really what's the point?

Uggghhhh!!!! What's next???


(not the best picture, I know...but he is so beautiful to me!)

First Brett Michaels picks that tramp

on Rock of Love

and NOW,

the grandaddy of all travesties!!!!

I missed last week of Biggest Loser &

just turned on this weeks episode

to see that my favorite

SIONE

got voted off last week!!!

NOOOOOOO!!!!!

:(

I have to go cry now.

4.14.2009

I got SPANKED!

Man, last night was ROUGH! Not like cry-in-the-bathroom rough, but constant and busy. The kind of busy where you feel guilty for taking a lunch. Hopefully tonight will be better. One good actually did happen though. There was a really cute guy there that came up to the floor and talked to me for a little bit...and get this..... wait for it.....wait for it.......

He didn't have a wedding ring on.

I KNOW, RIGHT???

It's truly sad when that's something to be excited about. Now, I don't think he's all diggin' me and what-not, but he did spend time talking to me, asked me plenty of questions about me, made great eye contact and had plenty of smiles. So, even if he's not into me... it was a yummy experience. And the fact that he wasn't married and he STILL talked to me? Totally a bonus.

Actually, the worst part of my morning was coming HOME, believe it or not.

What is it about children that makes them want to argue with their parents? You'd think these girls would know by now to not mess with me. Don't sass me or argue with me and certainly don't raise your voice to me. But NO. Within minutes I was pissed and b'gawking at two of them for doing all of the above. *breathe in, breathe out* Actually, DON'T breathe in and breathe out...breathe in and HOLD IT. Know why? Because my wonderful daughters haven't done their chores in two nights and my kitchen literally STINKS. Pew!

Ok, I'm off to bed. Have a fantastic day y'all! Love you mucho!

4.12.2009

This will require multiple exclamation points!!!!!

***WARNING!! ROCK OF LOVE SPOILER!!!***














CAN YOU BELIEVE BRETT PICKED TAYA???!!!

OH HELL NO!!!!

He is STUPID!!!!!!

He better not have another season of this crap.

Seriously.

Travesty of justice are the only words that come to mind.

Uggghhh!!!!!

Friday Five (yeah, ok. so it's a little late)


  1. Next week is going to be tough for work. 48 hours, which is tough for me. And it means that I really won't see the sunshine (or the moon) all week long since I'll be locked inside a hospital all week. blah. Like the paycheck, hate the process.
  2. Still waiting for the stuff to come for me to start school again in June. I'm crazy for adding more to my plate, but I need my bachelor's in order to get away from the bedside in nursing.
  3. Courtney is still going strong with Ricky. He's a really good kid and I like him a lot. I hope this one sticks for a while. He's good for her. The only problem I have is that when he's over here, I have to spend my time keeping Amelia off of him. She climbs on him like a jungle gym and talks about how cute he is. lol I guess that makes her a gerbil (the opposite of a cougar).
  4. Daffodils are blooming in my backyard. I wish they were tulips, but daffodils will do nicely. It means spring really IS going to happen! :)
  5. Know what I've discovered??? That Zac Efron is kind of delicious. Hello kitty! I never paid much attention before because he seemed to be like, um, 12 or something, but I see him now! He is yummy!




Blessings in unexpected places

Some places you expect to find blessings...

like in church on Easter morning.

But it always surprises me

to sign into Facebook

and be overwhelmingly blessed

by the goodness in peoples hearts

especially on a day like today.

Messages of "He Is Risen!"

and

"Do not be afraid,

for I know that you are looking for Jesus,

who was crucified. He is not here;

He has risen, just as He said.

Come and see the place where He lay"

flooded my status page.

There may be some in the world

who

"don't get the whole Jesus thing"

but there are plenty of us who do

and it blesses my heart to see the

goodness and gratitude

that comes spilling out when given the chance

to worship.

4.11.2009

Shepherd, Savior, Pasture-maker, hold on to my hand," and You say "I am."





Because of you, I am.

You first loved me.

You are enchanted with me.

I can never be worth of your love,

but you love me regardless.

I sin, I disappoint,

I find myself doing things I never thought I would...

And even though you saw it all long before it happened,

You chose to die for me anyways.

And you would do it all over again.

Even if I didn't do things any better the second time around.

Even if I did worse and caused more pain.

You are so beautiful Lord.

You are worthy and Holy

and I am so humbled by your mere existence.

Steven Curtis Chapman's lyrics come to my mind,

"cause what I really want to say
Is what the sun would say to the sky
For giving it a place to come alive
But my words get in the way
Of what I really want to say"

Thank you for everything that this day means Lord.

Amen.







My flight attendants have never been like THIS!



4.10.2009

He sucks


Today a Scott avalanche fell on my head. What a stupid, dysfunctional jerk. He's called a minimum of three times today, the last of which I answered because he tricked me by calling from a different number.
The first message (on the home phone) was totally benign, talking about how he needed me to call to give him some information about something for a friend, blah blah blah. No emotion whatsoever. The next phone call (my cell phone), the message was a distraught Scott bawling his eyes out and begging me to call him because his mom (birth mom who abused him, that he hated and has never had a relationship with) has died and he "needs" me and can't do "this" anymore. I refused to call him back and sent him a text telling him that I'm sure his psychiatrist has a crisis line and that he should use it. Mean I know, but I'm not doing this with him anymore. The third phone call was on the home phone again and it was a M-E-S-S.
He was blubbering about how he needs me so much and that he has no idea how to plan a funeral, etc etc. I asked him why he's planning a funeral anyways since he's never had a relationship with her and knows nothing about her and basically told him I could care less. He needs to call a funeral home and tell them to help him plan it, because I was not the person to be talking to about this. He continued to beg me to let him come home. He kept telling me that I was the only one that could "fix" him (yeah, like THAT is gonna make me want him home) and that he will do "anything" to prove it to me and make me happy forever.
He had no clue that his friend Billy had called me yesterday to ask me something and had inadvertently mentioned something about Scott being at the bar. So I brought this up to him and reminded him that this was the biggest promise he had made to me.... I told him that if he proved he could get his life together and he 100% stayed away from the bar and alcohol, I would CONSIDER talking to him about fixing things (I knew he never would, so I was fairly confident that I would never have to worry about it). SO, I told him what Billy said and he became indignant (and actually had the nerve to YELL at me) saying, "I'M NOT WITH YOU! I CAN DO WHATEVER I WANT!! AND IF I WANT TO DRINK I WILL!"
I reminded him that he was absolutely right, but that it only proved that he couldn't even take two months to get his life on track and keep a promise to me...so basically kick rocks because he's never coming home.
I know this is a lot of barfing and venting on this blog, but CRAP!! What a mess! It was a lot of yelling and drama and crap I never wanted to do again with him. This only 100% validates my decision to boot him out on his ass! He will never change, hasn't changed one bit and is still as dysfunctional and horrible as he has always been. THANK GOD I am rid of that!! Now to scrape up the money to get him gone for good! Uggh! I'm so frustrated.

Yeah, I was right....


Boy was I right! Last night was TOUGH. I am so ready for bed it isn't funny. Although it's not going to be as rough as next week is. The only days I have off next week are Wednesday and Thursday. That sucks a big fat one, seriously. I fully own that I am such a wimp when it comes to working several 12's in a row. I think nursing is totally different when it comes to that kind of thing though. It's not like a normal job where you may come into contact with different people and/or situations for 12 hours straight. To be in ONE place, dealing with just a few of the same people for 12 hours straight and get to know them INTIMATELY...it gets tedious and OLD. FAST.

Anyways, I have a three-day weekend now. Totally wiped out. Going to bed. Love y'all!

p.s...
have you guys seen this new Burger King commercial with the girls in short-shorts with books or something shoved in their butts to give them square pants? It's a commercial for KIDS MEALS with sponge bob for crying out loud!! And yet it's girls dancing in short shorts to a rendition of Baby Got Back with closeups of their butts the whole time! Okay, I must just be getting old or something, but I'm not digging that commercial at all. But I digress....

4.09.2009

One more night to go

This picture was taken yesterday as I was getting ready for work. I felt good, I'd had a great day full of great conversation, laughter and good sleep. I felt refreshed and sassy.

I should definitely take a picture of myself tonight before work because I'm sure I won't look quite as good. lol The second (or third) days never are... but at least I know when it's over I get a three-day weekend. Holla! :)


4.07.2009

Come away with me in the night.....

Whewh! Today was a busy day! I slept in a little bit because i didn't sleep but a few hours after work yesterday morning and was draggin butt all day long.
Today, I got a lot done though. I took the first steps to getting back into school. I should've done that a few months ago, but really feel that it's time now. Even though it will be hard work, I can't wait to dive in. I love school. I really do. I wish I could make a decent living at being a professional student. I wonder if there are like top-secret people you could hire to pretend to be you for four years and go to your classes and get good grades? Sounds intriguing, huh? ;)
Anyways, then I had a consultation with an attorney that Baby-Spice at work had given me the name of because he helped her to get an annullment...and we all know that is, to me anyways, the most beautiful word in the english language right now. But alas, he shot down my dream. For good reason though. Reasons I had never even thought of. He said that if he were me, he would run as far away from the thought of an annullment as he could because it is almost guaranteed to backfire in this situation and shoot me in the foot. How you ask? Well, he said in cases where one part is such an obvious psychiatric disaster as Scott is, while we would be trying to show what a mess he is, the court would begin seeing how incompetent he is and would have to take steps to protect him...and would not only not give me the annullment, but can deem him undivorcable!! (can you believe that crap???) He said that because Im the obvious stablizing force in his life, the judge could force me to remain married AND become his guardian!! And if I refuse, they will appoint another one that I will be accountable to. HELL TO THE F***ING NO!!!
So he said that if the word of the day is "GONE"? Then get him that way by a quick and easy divorce as fast as possible. Ok, so I've thrown my hands up and surrendered to the divorce thing, now it's a matter of coming up with freakin' $2000 to hand over for this mess. Pssshhhh! Who has that kind of cash laying around except a bunch of good-heart vampires? Yeah, this isn't Forks and I don't know the Cullens, so I'm stuck for a while...unless my wonderful, good-hearted cousin Michelle aka new lawyer in the family comes through for me!!! PLEASE, PLEASE PLEASE!!! I won't even get drunk on goldschlagger and puke in your new bathroom ever again!!! PLEAAAAASE????

Ok, enough begging! After the kids got out of school, baby girls had to go to the dentist office. Amelia was in and out. She had a few little fillings to do that were so easy, he didn't even numb her. Yeah, she was totally good to go. It was Maddie that was in for the trouble. Poor her! See, she has a hard head, as anyone who knows can tell you. And her baby teeth don't like to fall out. So all of her adult teeth started growing in on top of and all around her baby teeth....it was a serious, scary mess. And it left her embarrassed about her pirrhanna looking teeth. So at the last visit, he told her to go home and wiggle those baby teeth or else he was going to pull them. She did but they didn't get any looser, so today, she had to have five teeth pulled from her pretty little face....RIGHT BEFORE WE WENT TO APPLEBEES!!! :( Poor her. I had to order her a plate of kids spaghetti and cut it up tiny for her and then she had some soup when she got home. Most of the evening she acted pretty good and was still convinced that she was still going to school tomorrow. But I remember when I got 5 teeth pulled...I was laid down for a few days! And swollen too. So I finally made her take some medicine and go lay down and by then I could see that she was ready for it. I just woke her up to come take some more Tylenol so that she wouldn't be sore by morning and she finally gave in and said she wants to stay home tomorrow....which is monumental for this child. We'll see if she sticks to it by morning though.

Lets see, what else did I do on my past few days off? I talked to an old boyfriend on the phone a few times. That was nice. A little weird, but nice for the ego anyways....especially when it was followed up with a text that says, "I miss u baby." AAAAAwwwwww...right? He said his daughter got a new phone and left my phone number in there for him (thanks, I guess). There won't be anything exciting following that up, but it's a nice mojo check every once in a while.

Now if only the ones that I WANT to call me would...now THAT would be fantastic. I need a vacation! Who wants to go with me? Maybe I could call old boyfriend back? ANY old boyfriend want to go on vacation with me? Smartinez...want to go to Hawaii?


4.06.2009

Say what you need to say

Tonight at work I blurted out a joking comment without thinking (as is so typical for me). It was something regarding the monitor techs bugging me and how I was like, "the heifers need to leave me alone..." and it caught a guy I work with off-guard and he giggled, which then caught me off-guard because I forgot that not everyone is used to the way I talk. I like that he thought I was funny and I got to thinking about what the world would be like if we could each just say what it is we needed to say, no matter what it was and feel safe in the knowledge that we would be accepted...maybe even someone would think we're funny.

What do you think would happen in your life if you had the courage to start living without fear of simply saying what you need to say? Whether it's, "I'm sorry, I don't want to do this anymore." or "I never meant to do this, I'm sorry but I change my mind." or "I can't wait another minute to tell you that I'm crazy about you." or "I don't know how this is going to work, but I sure want to find out..." I think I'm going to start incorporating a little more of this into my life and see what happens. Who's with me?

4.05.2009

Saying something to make someone else feel good is always a nice thing to do

I got a nice compliment at work last night. :) When I first showed up and found the person I was supposed to be orienting with for the night, she said, "I've been looking forward to meeting you for so long!" When I looked surprised and said, "you have?", she responded with, "Yes! You're quite the talk of the floor right now. I heard they specifically went and sought YOU out for this position. That's pretty impressive. That doesn't happen often around here. You should be impressed with yourself." That was an awesome thing to hear and made me feel good. Yay me! :)

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