Day 28

A picture of something you're afraid of.

Yeahhhh, I'm not going to be posting pictures of things I'm afraid of.
I mean, helllloooooo?
I don't want to be scrolling through
my own blog and get scared
because I see pictures of that crap!

So instead, I'll post a pic of something more benign
and will just list what I'm afraid of.

Vampires (not Twilight ones)
The evil one when he gets out of prison
Someone breaking into our house
lurve you, xoxo v.

Shit no one cares about but me

Walking through Goodwill looking for old 
furniture I can paint or redo,
and I spot these sheets
that I had when I was little.

Actually, they were my moms first,
and I thought I was the shit
when I inherited her double bed 
and all her double sheets.
Ahhh the 70s/early 80's.
lurve you, xoxo v.


Day 27

A picture of you and a family member.

All I can think of when I see this is,
Boy was I fat(ter)! lol
I'm probably that size again now
that I've gained 25 pounds through this last relationship,
but I hate the way I look here.

I love the way my brothers look!

My brother Bud is on the left
and my little brother Josh is on the right.

This was Josh's wedding day
and he was clean-shaven
and looking handsome.
lurve you, xoxo v.



Day 25

Pictures from your day.
Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure.
That’s all I keep thinking.
I had no idea when I woke up this morning
where this day would take me.

All I know is,
I’m glad that I took these pics and
recorded the video earlier in the day,
because right now,
at 10:17 pm,
I’m over it.

So the pic above is the view I had when I woke up.
Courtney called and woke me up shortly after 8:00.


At around 9:30, I left the house to head for counseling.
I popped into McDonald’s on the way to grab a cup of oatmeal.
If I had known that I was going to end up eating out
a whopping three out of three meals today,
I just may have eaten at home!


After therapy, I headed to the bank to get a cashier’s check for my rent.
I then drove about 35 miles to pay it,
and 35 miles back.
WHO doesn’t have online payments these days???
Or even over the phone???


While out, I stopped in at Bath & Body Works
to buy a new candle.
Oh my gosh!  Let me tell you about this candle!
If you know me,
it’s exactly how my house should smell!


It’s the “Kitchen Spice” candle,
and it’s described as….
“A comforting misture of nutmeg, allspice, hazelnut and caramel.”

I have a patient whose wife burns this,
and I find myself just wanting to visit their candle! lol
Smells SO good.


By the time I got back to this side of town, I was starving.
So, I decided to have lunch on my own at Akai Hana.
Sushi just sounded so good!

After lunch, I headed home to chill out for a little while.
It’s my only day off and I’ve ran all day more than I would have if I was working!
Let me tell you, I am so sick of being in my car!
I mean, I’m grateful for it and all…
Lord, please don’t ever take my car away,
BUT…. *sigh*
I’m tired.

By the time we left for the store,
there was a GORGEOUS sunset waiting for us.
I miss the way we had a front-row seat to the sunset
every night in our apartment.
Of course, this picture doesn’t do justice
to how pretty it was.
It was a bright pinkish-orangish color.


We headed to Target for school uniforms
and totally forgot to look for Maddie’s backpack.
I ordered one online when I got home
because I am not even trying to go back to the store this weekend. blah.


Okay, so let me just say…
we NEVER eat out this much!
I mean, yes, we do eat out,
but NOT three meals in a day!
I just felt so busy and tired that it
seemed easier to pop in somewhere to eat,
but BLECH!
My stomach feels SO sick right now!
I definitely learned my lesson.
Eat crap… feel crappy.  :(

Because of all that,
I will need to be doing this….



So by the time we got home, like I said, I was OVER it.
I had been in the car or on the go for nearly 12 hours…
and it’s my DAY OFF!
O-V-E-R- I-T.

So I’m in my room trying to decompress a little bit,
and what do I hear???


So, I go to the front of the house and open the front door,
and the trash  new people that moved in across the street
a few weeks ago were having a drunken brawl in their driveway.
There were about 10 people in the driveway having a free-for-all beat down,
and there seemed to be at least one woman in the middle somewhere
who was screaming for her life.

Given my history of domestic violence,
screaming women tend to freak me out, to say the least.
I can remember screaming for help and no one cared.
No one came to help.
So many memories of that.
Well, I worry for my safety sometimes,
because I seem to be physically unable to NOT intervene.
I have been known to dive in the middle of it and throw myself
in front of women getting hurt.
Between luck and God’s protection,
I have never gotten hurt (*knock on wood*).
Usually, the guy sees that I’m someone he doesn’t know and chills out.
One time, I think the guy probably would have beat my ass,
but Scott jumped in and shoved me out of the way
(I think that was the only good thing he ever did for me).

So, tonight, needless to say, I didn’t jump in.
Only because there were SO many people over there.
But I did call 911
and proceeded to scream at them to get off of her
and take their trashy asses in the house
because they haven’t been anything but trouble since they moved in.

Yeah, I don’t think that scored me any points with them,
because then I had a bunch of angry Mexicans cussing me out and flipping me off,
but hey,
it distracted them long enough that the woman was able to jump in her car
and run over a bush as she backed out of the driveway and sped away.

Within minutes, there were seven cop cars plus a swat unit blocking our street.

And nothing came of it.

When the police left,
I pulled my car in the garage.
No telling what those angry, drunken people would do to it to retaliate.
I’m not taking any chances tonight.
Now, I just want to watch reality tv and veg out.
Never a dull moment.

Veronica xoxo


Favorite albums....

"All Things New"

I was so sad when they retired!

They have no idea the times they got me through.
I can listen to this album on a loop for months.
This music is so personal to me,
there are no words.

I'm so disappointed that I'm REALLY struggling
to find any of it anywhere on the web.
I find it, but it's really crappy quality.
Or it's live.
I love live music,
but not when I want to listen to a recording of it.
Know what I mean?
It doesn't translate the same as live,
and sometimes you just want to hear the album version.
Oh well, I'll climb down off my soapbox now.

Back to the subject,
this particular album is just really sweet, relaxing and meaningful.

"My Heart, Your Home"

"Who Am I?"
lurve you, xoxo v.


This is my favorite video right now.
It makes me smile,
and smiling is important right now
when nursing a broken heart
is the calling of the day.

In my minds eye,
this is the romanticized version of how
my life will turn out.

It is so cute,
and I have always loved Audrey Tatou.
She's not necessarily conventionally beautiful,
but something about her face is
enchanting to me.
I think she is so pretty.


I L-O-V-E her hair!
I wish I could have that,
but know that my hair would never cooperate.
lurve you, xoxo v.

Emma quote of the day

"I love my Grandpa!
Whenever I see him, I smile like sunshine!"
lurve you, xoxo v.

Day 24

A picture of something you wish you could change.

I do.  I wish I could change him.

Now don't get all crazy on me.
I know I can't change someone.
If I could, oooooooh the changes I would make!

I have watched him struggling to change himself for months,
always thinking he's doing a good job,
but struggling and inconsistent.
Always falling backwards.

He did a couple big no-no's that made me realize
I'm not waiting anymore.
He's done.

I wish I could just wave a magic wand.
That would be easier.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Thoughts all over the map. All of them accurate.

lurve you, xoxo v.

Day 23

The Lord knows that there are many books I love.
It's hard to find one that I even like,
so when I find one I love,
I stick with it.

Well,  I will never forget when I first read this book.
It was instant love!

When I first heard of the series,
I admit that I was kind of oblivious.
I tend to shy away from anything trendy,
because who wants to do what everyone else is doing?
I don't.  Usually.

Plus,  I have this thing about vampires.
When I was little, I was Salem's Lot and it
I had nightmares forever about it.
I declared a moratorium on anything vampiry from my life.

But then my kids fell in love with Twilight.
When Courtney & Maddie were both all-things-Twilight,
I felt guilty not knowing what they were reading.
Who knows if this stuff was a bad influence,
or filled with sex and gore.
I decided, I had to read it 
in the name of good parenting.
NOT because I wanted to.

Well, I flew threw that book....
and was enthralled!
By the next day, I was
completely in love with Edward.
I immediately drove to the store and bought the next one.
And the next one, and the next one.

I loved the way this had undertones of morality and standards.

Of course I've seen all the movies,
but needless to say,
I don't love them.
I think she's a horrible Bella.
She's a horrible actress.
lurve you, xoxo v.


Day 22

A picture of something you wish you were better at.


I used to spend a ton of money on accessories,
because I do love them.
The problem is that they gather dust
because I NEVER use them!

I find something I like and I stick with it.
I get a necklace that I can wear every day,
and I leave it on until it wears out or I get a new one.

I don't like taking things off,
putting new things on,
just for a couple of hours.

AND, no matter how much I like a piece,
I usually feel self-conscious when I wear it.
I am naturally comfortable in very
delicate, discreet, classic, understated pieces.

On top of all that,
even though my ears have been pierced since
the third grade,
if I take earrings out of my ears for 
even a couple of hours,
the holes grow shut.
So, every time I wear earrings,
I have to re-pierce my ears.
That gets old.
Therefore, I almost NEVER wear earrings.

I wish I were better at accessorizing. 
lurve you, xoxo v.

New developments.....

In life,
some people get it,
and some people don't.

He doesn't.

And I'm tired of waiting to see if he ever does.

He's not the lid to my pot.

That's all there is to say.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Day 21

A picture of something you wish you could forget.

I always teased him about his "swagger",
because I loved to watch him walk.
He carries himself in such a way that mesmerizes me.

Whenever we'd hang out,
I'd always watch him walk to his car because it made me smile.

Sometimes, I would even take a picture of it and send it to him.
He just laughed at me.

The last time he left my house,
I hollered down the steps after him,
"When am I gonna see your face again Straus?"
He answered, "Monday."
With a tone that said, of course it would be Monday.

This was the picture I took as he walked to his car.
I was going to send it to him with a smile.
Things came crashing down before I could.

That was the best afternoon ever.
If you all could peek inside that afternoon,
you'd see it was the best.

Within minutes, it was the worst.

I wish I could forget the worst.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Day 20

A picture of somewhere you'd love to travel.

"Veronica kidnapped to Pukhet with the Pirate Booty Snatch."

Do any of you remember that kidnapped game on facebook?

Being kidnapped to Pukhet, Thailand was always my favorite. 
lurve you, xoxo v.


Day 19

A picture and a letter.

Okay, so the problem is that
any letter that I would like to write,
will take me to an emotional place that I can't seem 
to get myself to at this moment in time.

I'm unwilling to go there.
I kind of like being happy and oblivious right now.
I don't want to write those letters.

Maybe I'll revisit this challenge at another time.
lurve you, xoxo v.


Thoughts on tonight

lurve you, xoxo v.

Day 18

A picture of your biggest insecurity.

That's it.  There it is.
She doesn't get to come out and play very often,
so she'd better enjoy it.
I like to keep rejection locked up in the closet
as much as possible.

But here it is.
My biggest insecurity and stumbling block in life.

Every word I hear, action, non-action, relationship, gift, text message, etc
gets filtered through the filter of rejection.

Because of the past that I have survived,
shame and unworthiness is a major part of my makeup.
My go-to reaction in any situation is to feel
rejected in some form because of that unworthiness.
Deep down, I still carry that shame and unworthiness with me and it
has laid down deep roots.

Roots that I am diligently trying to chop up and destroy,
because I'm tired of feeling like this.
It still is what it is at this point though,

lurve you, xoxo v.


I am not a monster! [*channeling the Elephant Man*]

Okay, begin scene:
Maddie posts this picture on her fb wall and says:
"Mommy and Emma six years ago.  My favorite picture of you two. <3"

Her friend Skylah responds:
"Your mom scares me :O"
Maddie says:
"Lol most people say that. (x But she means welll xD♥"
[wahhhh again!]

lurve you, xoxo v.

Day 17

A picture of something that has made
a huge impact on your life recently.

The death of little Maya.

I haven't seen her for a few years now,
but that doesn't change anything.

And it doesn't change the fact that I have known her mother
since she was little,
and have considered her my family for more than half of my life.
 I became a Torres 21 years ago today,
and just because Randy was an idiot that earned himself a divorce,
doesn't mean I left the family.

Besides that,
I am a mother.
And a human being.

This tragedy has really rocked my world
and my eyes have been wanting to tear up constantly
for a week now
because my heart is so sad for Jessica.

I don't know what reason God has for letting this happen,
but I know he has a reason.
There is no way my God, her God,
would allow pain like this,
if it weren't for a good reason.
It doesn't stop the grief that is felt as humans that don't know
the behind the scenes answers though.

Even Jesus wept.
lurve you, xoxo v.

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