Howww can I tellllll you abouuut my loved one?
What can I tell you about Paul?
I suppose I should get the stuff I don’t love about him out of the way first. There have been a few rocky times. Low lows. Times when I thought I would never speak to him again, and that would be fine with me. He can be critical or judgmental at times (not necessarily toward me, but just generally in life. He hasn’t been in many [read: any] healthy relationships (ha! isn’t THAT the pot calling the kettle black??) and so is lacking a bit in the communication department. He has an entirely different concept of what “spending time together” means than I do, and that’s a big deal for me, because “time” is one of the most important things to me. AND, after over eight months, he still hasn’t began reading my blog (*continued side eye*).
Now, what do I love about him?
I love the way that when a problem is pointed out to him, it’s rarely a problem he continues to have. Even at the point when I thought things were absolutely hopeless, I watched him turn it around. He’s human and imperfect, but he has a teachable spirit and when he sees that he’s screwed up or that there’s a place he could make a little change, he usually does it. I’ve watched him dive head-first into this new church we’re attending, and he’s even gone to counseling with me.
Therapist made me promise that I would trust her instinct and advice, and if she told me to get out of there, that I would listen. Know what she said after meeting him? “I like him!” She said she knows he’s not perfect and is not saying he doesn’t have things to work on, but it seems that at the core there is good stuff. It felt good to see that I may (finally) be making a right decision, because that’s what I feel too.
When he has said something to hurt or offend, he has taken each one of those people aside or wrote them a long letter apologizing and explaining how he’ll make it right.
He’s not perfect, but he is trying. What more can you ask of a human? Of a man?
I’m not saying I’m moving in with him, gonna get married, having babies… none of that. No, today I’m thinking about how good things are for today. For today, he is an encouragement in my life. He’s good to me, is growing with me, is learning with me. We go to church as a family and he takes Maddie to the ball field to teach her how to get better at softball, because she has try-outs next week. He walked through the cold in order to take Emma Girl Scout cookie selling.
Know what else? Well, he’s kind of a dork. And I like it that way. He tries so hard to make little jokes, that are usually ridiculous, but he does it just to try and make me laugh. And it works. He can be the tallest, strongest man, and yet isn’t afraid to be goofy in order to get the laugh. He’s thoughtful and likes to nurture. Whenever I’m in the neighborhood during the work day, he makes me lunch and actually feeds me a healthy meal.
He’s the first person that texts me in the morning, and the last person at night. He tells me I’m beautiful. We’re an unlikely pairing, but he’s a good guy and I’m glad I gave him a chance, because any little black spots in the last several months have been used as jumping-off points for really great change. Change that will last whether we last or not. And at least at this point in time, I think we’re gonna be lasting a while.
(and for the record, he would probably poop his pants if he knew I was using these pictures. He would HATE it and he HATES all of these pictures. Know what I have to say to that? Sho shorry boo. Want me to change them? Come over here and make me, why don’t ya? Maybe if you actually READ this blog, I’d feel bad. Maybe if you actually READ this blog, I would take them down. Just sayin’. Love you! Kisses!)
"Silly Love Songs"