I'm a serial monogamist; a real relationship person.  And I'm not a casual relationship person.  I demand a lot of my partner.  I want to move and shake and give the same thing in return.  Either you can keep up or you can't.  Not many people can.

As you would expect, this can pose major problems when you're just beginning to date again.  Not only is it not easy to get to a point where you're deep & open & committed to someone, but it also takes time.  Anyone who wants to be at that point right away is most likely majorly bipolar and you should run like hell right out of that situation.

All of this?  Is why I SUCK at dating!  Gah!  I can't stand meeting someone I barely know and staging a little show for them for a few hours like I'm trying to sell myself.  That is the biggest bunch of crap I've ever dealt with and hate every minute of it.  I wish I had a time machine where I could just bypass all of the boring, crappy, getting to know you stuff that comes with dating and skip straight to the deeply committed, I know how he likes his coffee, he knows what I like from Applebee's, I know what side of the bed he sleeps on and he knows what kind of toilet paper I like part of it.  The real shit.  The real shit is where the good shit is.  I don't want to go through the uncomfortable experience of talking politics for the first time or finding out his stance on homosexuality.  There's not much worse than really think I'm diggin' a guy and that this could potentially go somewhere only to hear him call someone a "faggot" or a "homo" and in an instant (maybe even faster than that) know that he'll be lucky to see me stick around and finish a meal with him because that's just not something I will tolerate.

So where am I now?  I accepted a date with this really nice guy I met online.  We had exchanged a few letters and he just seemed SO nice.  And guess what?  He's even nicer than in his letters.  I'm hard-pressed at this point in time to find much wrong with this guy.  He's chivalrous, generous, funny, nice, seems like a good dad to his kids, etc etc etc.  There are only a few areas where I had some hesitancy and one would be: is he TOO nice?  If I'm my smart-ass self, will it offend him? The rest... he's MUCH taller than me (he seems to be more aware of it than I am though), he has a catholic background and I am Baptist.

I guess it's good that I've been in therapy, because one of the things I've learned is that it's not any kind of decision I have to make today.  Today I can just enjoy being around a really, really nice guy and not get stuck in my head worrying about forever. 

xoxo veronica


Anonymous said…
yay :) yes, enjoy it for what it is today. yah, it's me, Belle ;p