6.20.2009

I just may take my flip flop off and slap you with it....

I know that this may not be any huge epiphany, but I really have a temper. Actually, let me clarify that. It usually takes me a LOOOONG time to show my temper. I'm not very quick to anger. But once I get to that point? IT. IS. ON. And I don't just get angry in a little white girl from the burbs type of angry, I get ghe-to-the-tto.

Rational conversation isn't even a real possibility at that point in time. My bark is a lot worse than my bite, I mean I won't actually like HIT you or anything, but my mouth will do ALLLL the damage. Curse words will be flying everywhere like shrapnel and I will definitely be telling you about yourself. The part I hate most is that I will probably start crying too. I really, really hate that my tear ducts seem to be hard-wired to my emotions. But they are. It's my cross to bear.

So what got me thinking about this? Tonight I had some minor (major) family drama involving two of my children and my ex-husband. I was minding my own business. Standing in my kitchen arranging some tulips I had bought at Trader Joe's in a vase because tulips are my favorite and I've been so sad the past few days I was trying desperately to get to my happy place.

So anyways, I'm arranging my two shades of pink tulips when my phone rings. It's Courtney. I answer the phone expecting to hear my normally happy-go-lucky daughter say something funny or greet me lightheartedly, but instead I hear her sobbing HYSTERICALLY. She goes on to tell me several things that Randy had allegedly done, things he had said, oh and he's really drunk, etc etc etc.

By the end of the conversation, I'm am L-I-V-I-D. I mean seriously seeing red and ready to cut him. What made it worse was that just as Darren was hanging up the phone, I hear Randy's drunken butt in the background screaming, "OH, AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR MOTHER...." *click* Oh hellll no! You better believe I called straight back, except I called the house phone so that niether of the kids would be involved. My ex-mother-in-law Betty answered the phone and I feel bad that I ambushed her the way I did, but what can I say?

"PUT RANDY ON THE PHONE."

"What?" *sounding very shocked and obviously wondering what I know and don't know and knows that she probably shouldn't put him on the phone but doesn't know how to tell me*

"I SAID PUT RANDY ON THE PHONE. THE LAST THING I HEARD WAS 'AND YOU CAN TELL YOUR MOTHER...blah blah blah. If he has something to say to me, put his bitch ass on the phone so he can say it! And if you don't want put in the middle of this Betty, I'd suggest you get out of the way because he has already crossed FAR over the line tonight and now he's about to deal with ME."

She wouldn't put him on the phone, so she got the earful that was meant for him. I'm sure she can relay the message. I mean I went off like it was defcon 1 (maybe 2, but still pretty bad). About an hour later, Randy called me himself and asked (so freaking calmly and Eddie Haskelish it was sickening) if he could talk to me for a minute. He went on to apologize and claim that none of the stuff the kids had said was true, BLAH BLAH BLAH ad nauseum.

What I thought was funny (kind of) was when he said that he was glad I was so far away, "because I told my mom 'Veronica would WOOP MY ASS!' But I also know you well enough to know that you would hop on a plane, fly here and woop my ass, then fly back. So I knew I needed to get this straightened out." So he has met me.

I don't know that this is a legacy I'm necessarily proud of. I wish I could be more diplomatic and keep a poker face on at certain times. But it is what it is. I think I'd be happy if I could just be able to control at least some of the potty mouth that is at it's worst during these times. If I could just keep use of the word motherf****er to say..oh, I don't know, less than 10% of the word count, I think even that would be improvement. Baby steps I guess.

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