There is a reason

I worked my first night shift in over a year, which is probably part of the reason (being so tired) that I am irritable and emotional this morning. I've been struggling the past day or so though, and more so this morning with some hurt feelings. Since writing my blog about friendship the other day and talking about how certain friends have gotten busy and we've drifted apart and how it was ok with me--yada, yada-- I received an email from a used-to-be-close friend basically saying how glad she was that I understood her dumping me as a friend and non-challantly letting me know that she had done it on purpose and was intentionally moving away from me friendship-wise. She even gave me the whole "it's me, not you" speech.
Am I the only one in the world who thinks this was a really, really mean thing to do? She says that she wanted to have some closure and wanted to say goodbye, but I just think it was shitty. I fully agree that we are in two different places, but you know what? I didn't come out and tell you why I hadn't called you--I was kind enough to let you think that I was just too busy... don't you think that would've been the best thing to do in return instead of confirming that you're dumping our friendship?
Anyways, this whole thing has been getting to me pretty bad and I keep finding my eyes tearing up, surprising even myself that it's bothering me so bad. It made me think about my blog from teh other day and realize that if I'm honest about things then I have to admit that it DOES bother me and it DOES hurt my feelings. I'm NOT ok with people just walking away. I fully own the fact that because of many circumstances in my life story that I have issues with security and rejection, but with that being said I just can't really wrap my brain around it. Being such a loyal person, I just do not understand how you can be close to someone and then NOT be close to someone. I just don't know how to do that. I don't make friends very easily (not close ones), but once I decide to embrace you I am loyal and will be there through thick and thin. It still hurts my feelings in life when I realize that I tend to be the exception rather than the rule.
So this morning I'm sitting here with my lip quivering whenever I think about this and I read one of my friends blogs. She said, "Romans 8:28 says 'And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.' God uses all things. ALL THINGS. He uses all things for a REASON. And what is that reason? For our GOOD. Even the difficult things. Even the tedious things. Even the irritating things. Even the confusing things. He uses ALL things for a reason and for a purpose. HIS purpose."
It's a verse that I know well. So well that it tends to not always hit home because it's so familiar. Today however, my heart was moved and I was reminded that no matter whether the way she went about things was right or wrong, kind or selfish, my faithful, sovereign Heavenly Father will use all of this for my good. He has promised--and I can rest peacefully in the knowledge that he is the one person that will never fail me. Never. He will NEVER say "It's been nice, but GOODBYE." NEVER.

Comments

Greg said…
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Allison said…
Amen. What a faithful and sovereign God.

P.S. Hug!