10.25.2005

Lookin for love

Is it just me or when you're single does it seem like EVERYONE else is coupled up??? Couples are EVERYWHERE!!!!! Like invasion of the single snatchers! Where is everybody finding these mates?!?!?! ( I know a few of you are totally sympathetic to my situation! lol) I'm not good at being single. As a matter of fact I stink at it. I'm a relationship person at heart. I love being part of a partnership and having someone to call and say, "what do you want to do tonight?". I've been single now for three years and I still only sleep on my side of the bed. It's still a shock to me that I'm alone. Now don't get me wrong... sometimes I LOOOOOOVE being alone! lol Having four kids has taught me the absolute joy and importance of occasional solitude, but I've decided (I hope you agree Lord! lol) that it's time to find a boyfriend. Somehow I know that it's not going to be that easy though. Don't I wish it was! Step outside of my front door and announce to the world, "Okay listen up! I'm ready for a boyfriend now!", and then all of the proper candidates would line up single file and wait for me to pick the best one. YEAH RIGHT!!!! LOL

No, I have a feeling that not only is it not going to be that easy to find the "perfect one".... I'm afraid that once I find him I'm going to panic and somehow distance myself or sabotage things because of all my past baggage. How do you trust again??? I know that God is faithful to heal and has done a miraculous job of it so far. He has kept me soft where others would be hard and bitter. Praise God! But nonetheless I can feel that I've turned into a commitmentphobe...even if it's just slightly. I think it's because I'm so afraid to settle anymore. I mean I've been looking for Mr. Right since I was like fourteen.... where the heck is he???? When will looking for "the one" be done?

I want the full package! I want the qualities that I've so thoroughly listed in my prayers! lol And you know what? While I'm at it, I WANT PASSION!!! I'm tired of hearing about how "after you're together for a while passion dies...it's just the normal process." Bullcrap!!! Yeah I know, feelings and energy can ebb and flow, wax and wane, whatever! Blah, blah, blah! lol If you are living in a passionless, unaffectionate marriage it's only because one or both of you aren't putting the time and energy into keeping it alive. In the famous words of Carrie Bradshaw in the final episode of Sex and the City (CARRIE AND BIG FOREVER!!! LOL), "I'm looking for love. Real love. Ridiculous, inconvenient, consuming, can't-live-without-each-other love." AMEN SISTER!!! Okay boys..... LINE UP!!!

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