A different way...

Today I went out to eat to celebrate my ex-husband Randy's birthday.  Whenever people hear that I do things like this...celebrate birthdays or holidays with my ex, they are amazed.  They look at us like we have three heads and then they're like, "That is so awesome that you do that!"

On one hand I get it.  I have an ex or two that you couldn't pay me enough to be in the same room with.  But, I'm a firm believer that it shouldn't just be a blanket policy that if two people part ways, they have to treat each other like crap.  Like Miranda said on SATC, "We didn't work out, you need to not exist."

No, we all need to learn not to throw the baby out with the bathwater.  Unless there is a specific reason to not have anything to do with each other, then keep it friendly!  There is a reason you two were together in the first place.  You liked things about each other.  Pay attention to that and let the rest of it go.

Randy is a great person when he isn't in the role of a partner.  As a partner, he sucked.  But as a person, he's funny and he's kind.  So I pay attention to those things and let the past be in the past.  Also, he served some important roles in my life.  He gave me two of my children and he taught me two very important lessons in life.  1)  An ex is an ex for a reason.  You don't have to bother giving it another try...there is a reason you broke up and those reasons will likely still be there.  So just save your time.  2) Just because you get along with someone and they have some great qualities, doesn't mean you should be romantically involved with them. Sometimes a friend is supposed to be just a friend.

I'm grateful that we have gotten to the point in life where we can enjoy each other's company.  And I'm really glad that we are setting this example for our kids...and for the world at large.  Maybe it will inspire others to see things in a new and different way.

XO, Veronica