7.26.2013

Bedroom redo....


I'm in the process of redoing my bedroom.
I've been in an orange & navy blue mood lately.
Geometric patterns.
I have a vibe in my mind,
hopefully it will all come together in the end
like I want it to.


I wasn't patient enough to wait for good lighting.

I still have some things to do.
Like get some new night stands.


And recover that little stool.

And see that little picture up on that wall?
That's an 11x14!
I thought it would be so much bigger and it is dwarfed on that wall!

So, I need a much larger picture or something for that wall.


I would hang this print over there,
But then I would have nothing to hang over by the floor mirror.
Plus, I think that would be a lot of navy happening in one small area.

It's all coming together though.

**UPDATE...**

So, last night I threw a picture frame up in that troubled area that I meant for another area,
and I think it looks much better.  Don't you?




Once again, don't mind the lighting and I know things aren't perfect,
but I think that looks much better than the other frame
(which I moved over to the left wall).

Eventually that left wall will have a chest of drawers or something there.

    


Truth....



 

"To be a Christian means to forgive the inexcusable
because God has forgiven the inexcusable in you."
~ C. S. Lewis

I'm willing, I'm just not there yet.
God has to work on my heart.


Juicehead....


I can't fathom spending another minute of my energy devoted towards
the waste of time that just happened in my life.

So, onward and upward.

A few weeks ago,
I watched the above documentary on Netflix.
It is called, "Fat, Sick & Nearly Dead."
Great title, huh? lol

It is about juicing.
I know what you're thinking...
how BORING!
Because that is what I was thinking. lol
And it is boring.
But, I couldn't believe the health benefits!
The guy started juicing because he was sick, and on all of these meds
(umm, hello!).
The added bonus was that he lost 82 pounds in 60 days.
I am not looking to lose weight like that
(maybe a little, but not like that),
but the health benefits would be awesome!

So, the other day, I ordered a juicer and a beginners juicing book
off of Amazon, and bought all kinds of fruits and veggies.
I picked the wrong time to start though,
because I was *not* in the right frame of mind.

I made one batch and was running to Jack in the Box
for a cheeseburger because I wanted comfort food. lol
It has been a rough week.

The other night the girls and I made an awesome recipe with strawberries,
grapes, carrots, romaine lettuce, celery & apples... it was SO good!

I think this weekend we will start really diving in.
I do know that I am not a fan of cucumbers, so I have to stay away
from those.
But I'm excited.
I wonder if I can stick with it.
I think I can.
I'm just worried about how expensive it is though.




lurve you, xoxo v.

7.25.2013

The last word....

I received this text a little while ago.  I can be peaceful with this.  "I'm sorry" and a little bit of insight is all I really ever wanted.  I just hope he leaves it at this.

"I'm a person with some serious issues. In most ways I used you in hopes of a better future. Just like I used Kim. I'm lost. I've been lost for so long and I have reached out for help. Life preservers can better define it. It was sincere in intent but evil in reality. My life has been nothing but self preservation. That's all I have.  I should have warned you better, i should have stopped it before it started. I should have stuck to being alone. I am so sorry I betrayed your trust. I am so sorry I lied to you and hurt your core. I'm so sorry that your children are affected.  I'm very sorry Veronica.  I hope you find everything beautiful and wonderful and special that should be in your life."

~~ Okay, that wasn't it. Let the drunk appearing, incoherent texts begin. *sigh*

~~Okay, I also lied about having peace. Maybe someday, maybe soon. But not yet. At first I did. But the pain is starting to sink in. The tears are starting to come. That is painful. There aren't many people in this world that I hate, and I'm sure that I don't hate him either, but at this moment in time I really hate him. Anger is merely hurt unresolved (you told me that once upon a time). And I have a ton of unresolved hurt right now.  Goodbye Martinez.  Forever.

lurve you, xoxo v.

7.24.2013

Before and after....


This was my palm tree before my landscaper got his hands on it.

He said he just planned to remove 
"A little from the bottom that needed taken off."

When I got home, this is what I found...



 *DEVASTATION*

I was NOT happy, to say the least.

He was already doing it for free because he had not shown
up when he was supposed to.
So I couldn't ask for my money back.

Short of gluing everything back on,
there is really nothing I could do
besides sit and stare.

WAHHHHH!

Our whole backyard looks bare now!

Can we just start a new week already? LOL
Because I tell you,
sometimes all you can do is sit back and laugh!

Oh! AND.., I have pericarditis again.

THIS WEEK SUCKS!!!
Cut it out already!!!!
LMAO!

I love you Lord,
thank you for being so good to me.
I'm glad that through it all,
I can still see how amazing my life still is,
and that I know it will still continue to get even better.
And thank you for forgiveness and mercy...
from you and from others toward me (more on that later).
Amen.


 

Truth....





 

7.23.2013

Sweet Sixteen!

lurve you, xoxo v.

That was the BEST email ever....


Your email made me smile. 
You have no idea. 
I will respond soon...

Right now,
I have to go buy a gift for a certain
beauty who turns sixteen today.

Thank you.


 

The saga continues....


So, I woke up to a fresh round of berating texts from Scotty boy.
Happy happy joy joy.
This is because he discovered that prior to giving him his phone back,
I deleted the contact information of  the women he was 
chatting with behind my back.
Oh, so sorry.

He was LIVID! lol
Oh, and I'm guessing he saw these posts,
because he was going on about now being publicly branded as "that guy"
or something like that.

WELL DUMMY!!!!

MAYBE IT IS *TIME* THAT SOME OF YOUR ACTIONS
CAME BACK TO HAUNT YOU!

HELLO???

*HOW* MANY WOMEN HAVE YOU HURT OVER THE YEARS?
*HOW* MANY TIMES?

YOU'RE *LUCKY* ALL I DID WAS DELETE SOME CONTACTS OUT OF YOUR PHONE!!!

CAN I GET AN AMEN????

He was all, "How do I know what texts you sent to people telling them God knows what???"

Well, I didn't send anyone any texts actually, but that's a great idea.
And I'm glad the thought of that is haunting him a little bit.

He was ranting about me being "CRAZY!!!" LOL 
This was my response...

Not crazy, furious. There's a big difference. And oh, you don't like someone talking about you behind your back? Doing something you don't like/might hurt you?  Does it hurt your feelings? Do you feel betrayed? Do you feel angry? Does it make you sad? Do you wonder how someone that claimed to love you/was your friend could do all of these things to you? EXACTLY. That is the EXACT point that ALL of this was SUPPOSED to drive home to your self-absorbed ass. The deleting of the contacts & whatever else. To make you sit up and feel as betrayed and "what the fuck"'d as I did. So that maybe you could get a tiny little dose of your own medicine. But yours is only with a few contacts missing out of your address book. Mine was with someone I love stabbing me in the heart & betraying me. Not exactly tit for tat. But it's all I had. So now for one final time, Go away. You're right, you're no Paul. I can honestly say, you've made Paul look pretty good & I would choose him ANY day over you. I am not crazy. Just really really tired of going through the same shit. And not willing to sit by & let it happen & be a doormat any longer. No mas.  

So, as you have probably figured out.  The purpose of these blogs is not to air my "dirty laundry" in public.  It is to teach one very, very selfish little boy who has continually hurt every woman he has ever touched a lesson.  He needs to grow up, stop betraying the people in his life, learn a lesson about loyalty, learn how to keep it in his pants, stop blaming his indiscretions on his "issues", stop blaming the things that he does on other people, stop faulting them when they get appropriately hurt and angry for him hurting them, and start learning how to love. 

NEVER PISS OFF A WOMAN 
WHO HAS YOUR PHONE IN HER HANDS 
OR A BLOG TO WRITE ON. 

and p.s...
STOP blowing up my phone.
Because if I have to change my phone number,
I will be a very angry woman.
And you wouldn't want me even agrier.
 Now, please go away.
Thank you.
 
lurve you, xoxo v.

7.22.2013

Your lips are moving, you must be lying....


I may have some shortcomings,
but I'm actually not a bad person.

Like when I finally even drove across 
town to take Scott Martinez his stuff, 
including his phone,
even after telling him what an asshole 
he is for soliciting the company of
more than four dozen posters from Craigslist since getting back together 
with me. 
Yes, you read that right. 
Maybe you should read it again just
to let it sink in.

Yeah.

And that doesn't even count the girls
he was merely chatting & emailing with.
These were strictly the women & men 
he was soliciting for sex on the Internet.

Anyways, I took his stuff back to him.

Know what he does as soon as he gets his phone back?

Proceeds to use that phone to blow up my phone with no less than twenty texts, telling me basically what a piece of shit I am, blah blah blah. 

When I wouldn't respond or participate, he then began calling me. 

No sir.
I told you to lose my number.
Not planning to ever talk to him again.

He capped it off with a sappy "I'm sorry" voicemail. 
Which, was nice and a long-time coming.

But I am hard-pressed to believe him.

Would you?

I didn't think so.




7.20.2013

To the left, to the left....


Y'all would not believe 
the day I have had.

Or the depths of the depravity that I have learned of.

What's scary is that it is making me think that Paul actually looks pretty darned good right now. 

But I won't go there.

Anyways.

As bummed as I am, actually more angry than bummed, but bummed nonetheless, it is all still a direct answer to prayer.

See, it went like this...
A few weeks ago he started acting weird. 
You know when things are "off".
Well, this one...well, he tends to throw a whole set of vibes uniquely his own when things are off. You just know something's up. Well, of course even when I would question him on it, he would reassure me & attempt to throw me off of the scent. 
Try to blame it on not enough sleep, or this or that. Or too much stress from some of the "stuff" he's going through 
(yes Kim, I've known all about it for a long time. I'm sorry he just told you. 
I've thought you deserved to know too. I'm glad he finally shared.) 
Anyways, this was beyond the normal stress from his "stuff". 

He was up to something. 

So I started praying. 
Praying for God to show me the truth. 
"Lord, please show me the truth, no matter what it is. Please show me if he is not being honest & honorable. Please protect my heart. If he is not the person for me & if he is not acting right, please show me. Please show me soon. Please Lord show me the truth."

That became my prayer day and night.

Oh.... And he had also taken to spending all of his time with his face buried in his phone. His phone that he also never let out of his sight. Umm, hello? *red flag*

So, fast forward to a few days ago. 
It's almost time for my kids to return from vacation, so he leaves my house & heads back to where he is staying. 
I get a few weird texts from him in the middle of the night like he's texting about a nightmare he's having,
And then NOTHING.
At all.
For like a day and a half.

Which is really weird.

So this morning, I send him a text saying, "Are you safe?"

Nothing.

So I send another one explaining that if I don't hear something back shortly, then I am going to contact the police or something. Because I haven't heard anything since those really weird texts in the middle of the night. 

Within minutes, a stranger calls me & says, "Is this Veronica? I found this phone, and I found your name in it." I agree to come pick up the phone & before I even arrive, Scott has called from a cheap tracfone that he bought & seems nervous that I'm going to get it. He offers to go with me if I'll come pick him up first (because I have the address & will be there first).

But no. 

I get that phone & I sit down & read through every damn nook & cranny of it. 

GIRL, DID YOU THINK I WOULDN'T???

PSSSHHHH!!!! PLEASE! 

Only a damn fool would not attempt to find out the truth!

I read every text message, every chat, every email. Particularly from the time he & I got back together. 

What I read made me sick 
& broke my heart.
Depravity doesn't begin to cover it.

Lies, betrayal,lasciviousness,  ...yeah, it was all there. 

I now knew the truth.  Thank you Lord.  Prayers answered.

Needless to say, this  morning did not proceed calmly. 

I let him know where to go & 
what to do with himself.

Lose my number and don't EVER contact me again.

This nine year journey has officially come to an end. 

Know what his response was? 

"What about my phone & my other stuff there? Can you bring it to me?"

Umm, no asshole! I can't!

This did not sit well with him & he became beside himself that I would have the nerve to not feel like running to him & spend my afternoon inconvenienced for this guy that just did me wrong. 

I let him know that it must be nice to live  in a world that is all-Scott-all-the-time. I wonder what it is like to be so selfish and self-absorbed. He said that, Yes, for the first time in 43 years he is allowing himself to be selfish. He is now his #1 priority.  Sorry, but I don't think his selfishness just started. 

I also filled him in on a new concept...
maybe when you know that you have hurt someone or have broken their heart, 
MAYBE YOU SHOULD SAY

"I'M SORRY."

He said that maybe after he's done dealing with this stuff he's dealing with, things will
be different, blah blah blah.
I responded by telling him that this goes way beyond what he's dealing with. 
This goes down to a core human decency level. Betraying people seems to come naturally to him. 

And I want no part of it. Not now or ever.
I don't care HOW MUCH "stuff" he
deals with.
Don't EVER contact me again.
He mistook my kindness for weakness,
my love for stupidity.
I am nobodies doormat.
No sir.

In the great words of Beyonce,
"To the left, to the left."


The more things change, the more they stay the same...







Never, EVER, again.

After learning a few things about his disloyal ways this week, 
Scott is OUT of here.
Here is some of what I had to say...

"You know what, I have my issues & I'm not perfect. But at least I can hold my head high & say that I walk in integrity. You can't. You betray people. Whether its by cheating, contemplating cheating, lying, flirting with other women...or men, withholding information, withholding affection , abandoning your partner, being selfish, talking crap behind your partners back, ignoring their phone calls, or whatever other myriad of ways you can think of to be disloyal. You can pull the wool over most people's eyes with witty stories or anecdotes, or being charming. But if they  actually open their hearts up to you & try to invest their lives in you, you poison them. I can say that I loved you better. I am flawed. But I am loyal. I am dedicated to figuring it out. I would rather die than cheat on someone. Or betray them. Betraying people is like breathing to you. I have too much self-respect to let you do that to me anymore. Kim & I are the only ones who probably knew you the best & stuck by you the most. Why don't you show some loyalty for once & quit being a jerk."

Kudos to you Kim...
you did it longer than I could.
I'm glad you're happy now.






lurve you, xoxo v.

7.17.2013

Catch up vlog from June....


This is from the end of June,
but I just figured out how to get it off of my phone
because there was some issue with it.

And I don't know if there's still someone in my life
that I'm talking to or not.
I'll keep you posted on that front.
I'm considering myself very much single
until I figure it out.

lurve you, xoxo v.

7.09.2013

Nice relaxing day....


I love getting a pedicure.
And this place gives the BEST pedicures!
Aaahhhhhh...



 

7.08.2013

Treasure....




Treasure
by
Bruno Mars

This is a sexy-ass performance!
I love it so much!
The 70's throw-back is so hot.
Bruno lookin' all fly...


lurve you, xoxo v.
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