Insomnia vol. 5,785,209,023....

So what do you do when it's 1:31 am and you still can't sleep?  I guess you sit on the couch and make dumb videos of your newly curly hair.  Sounds rational to me.

I worked 14 hours today and didn't get done until around 10pm and I still can't shut my mind off.  I'm hungry but don't want to eat because I think that will make my sleep worse, yadayadayada.  And I have to get up in five hours to do it all again.  Ugh.  I'm not really complaining... okay, yes I am.  

So, last week, the doctor wanted me to start on Cymbalta for my Fibromyalgia/Lupus pain.  I'm literally down to like NO meds that I can take because I either don't respond or can't tolerate the side effects.  So, she thought of Cymbalta as a last-ditched effort to try and get me some relief.  See, she knows that I'm not going to take actual pain medications (ever) and that I will probably just keep on keeping on like I have been even though I'm quite uncomfortable (understatement) every day.

WELL.... within one hour of taking this stuff, I knew it.  SEROTONIN SYNDROME.  If you remember this,  you'll remember that I had the worst time with Wellbutrin.  TWICE (because some fancy-pants doctor was convinced the first time was a fluke).  I don't think I ever did go into all of the details, but suffice it to say that besides the physical stuff, it was making me go crazy.  Like really nuts.  

So with this Cymbalta, I recognized it immediately.  It says that it can happen instantly after you take the med, but mine took about an hour.  At that point I got the same taste in my mouth, same smell in my nose, had this weird trouble swallowing like my muscles wouldn't cooperate and would want to freeze, my tongue was twitching and tremoring, my legs and arms twitched (so bad that the next day they ached), my heart raced and I developed this unthinkable nausea and diarrhea.  This lasted about 36 hours.  

And my mind raced and raced and raced.  It made me so manic (and I'm not bipolar).  I can remember trying to sleep and my mind was racing so fast that I literally couldn't keep up with the flood of thoughts and ideas coming to me.  My mind actually started seeing it in the dream as if I were looking from above down into some rain falling.  It was falling kind of fast too.  And each single rain drop had a picture in it of a thought or idea and my eyes were quickly darting to each and every one trying to take in each single quickly falling raindrop idea and it was impossible, but my mind was trying and racing.  Thought, thought, thought, thought, thought, thought, thought..... racing, racing, racing. 

 All it took was that one pill and I knew I would never take another one.  Guess I'll just keep living in discomfort.

I need to go to sleep.  Maybe I'll try again now.  Nite y'all.

lurve you, xoxo v.