Last years language....

For last year's words belong to last year's language
And next year's words await another voice.
And to make an end is to make a beginning.
~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

I recently had a conversation with someone that I've known for a long time, but haven't spoken to for a while.  I was told I sound different.  I wasn't quite sure what they meant by that, but after thinking about it for a while, I think they're probably right.  They're used to talking to Veronica from back then.  And V from back then is not the same as V from today.  And she shouldn't be.  We grow, we change and we evolve.  If I were the same person as three, five or ten years ago then there would be something wrong with me (more than I'm already willing to admit to).

So what's the big difference?  I don't know that there is a huge difference.  Probably just a subtle shift barely perceivable unless you've spent a lot of time with me.  I still have my snarky moments, but they are pretty few and far between. Even if the snark happens in my head, I'm much less likely to let it come out of my mouth than before.  Before I'd feel kind of good about myself to have a really witty comment to make.  Now it just makes me feel like a big ol' bi-aaaaaaaah.  Once in a while a zinger will slip out and I almost always inevitably regret it. And I can still have a potty mouth, but I think that's a lot less common now too.  I actually had a dream a few weeks ago where someone was asking me if I knew that I cussed too much.  Think God's trying to tell me something?

I sometimes wonder which of these ways is better and healthier.  I think letting all of that stuff out back then may have seemed less healthy from the outside, but now I'm just stuffing it all inside for the sake of being nicer, kinder and gentler on the outside.  At least before I was getting it out.  I don't know, I think the insides are calming down too.  Slowly.  But don't think the snark isn't in there somewhere.  It just doesn't sneak out as much as it used to.  You know the problem?  I've just come across so many people that I don't like or respect that are snarky bitches and I don't want to look like them.  I don't want someone who doesn't know me to pre-judge me before they really know my heart.  To think that I'm a know-it-all jerk or just a smart-ass without knowing that I'm really not that person.  I don't ever want to prevent someone from knowing Christ simply because they saw Veronica before they saw Jesus.  Maybe then I throw in a little vitamin V... if they can handle it.

lurve you, xoxo v.


Allison said…
"I don't ever want to prevent someone from knowing Christ simply because they saw Veronica before they saw Jesus." Wow! I'm so convicted by this line that you wrote. Reminds me that I really need to stop and THINK before I speak or act. Our testimony is so very important, to strangers as well as to people that we know. Thanks for the reminder. "Lord, help me to do a better job at representing You..."