Today was a horrible day. I mean it man...it was a HORRIBLE day. I know that most of it seemed magnified to me because of the fact that I'm sleep-deprived, but it was very apparrent to me that today was much more than just "life" happening to me. After all, crap happens to everyone...and I'm not special, so I expect my fair share of garbage from time to time. Trouble is what you bring on yourself, the rest is just life. And then there are days like today.
Ephesians 6:12..."For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
Scott and I have talked alot lately about how we can expect a spiritual attack to be coming our way just because we've both been spending more time with the Lord. We've been trying to do the right things, we pray together,etc. And the Bible guarantees that the instant you start moving in the right direction that satan will wage war against you. Well today we had ourselves a battle.
It started off with my not being able to sleep...even after taking ambien. I got last night off of work because I was exhausted and then was still wide awake this morning at 9:30. Yep, all night long...not one wink. So of course as soon as I fell asleep my kids got up. I slept for about an hour or so, which means my defenses were low to begin with...and I was cranky. A prime target! lol My morning started with Darren acting out and picking on everyone. Then in typical fashion, he tried to start on me when I scolded him. That continued for a couple of hours on and off with the occassional sending him to his room for time out and him slamming the door so hard he knocked the pictures off the wall in the hallway. Then he would get in trouble again....round and round we'd go. Then I spent an hour in the sprint store arguing with their staff. My phone has been really acting up lately...shutting itself off and rebooting,etc. The say that if they don't witness it first-hand that they can't do anything about it. (!!!!) So I'm arguing and asking them what the heck do I pay that extra $$ for every month for then?? It's supposed to be covered. But they stand their ground and won't help me. So I go to buy a new charger...$43!!! NOT! I politely leave and we go over to Marc's to go shopping...who do I bump into in the store??? THE SPRINT GUY! Yay me! Felt like poking him in the eye and duking it out right there in the produce section! Right after that, Target can't fill my perscription for the ambien i used the last of last night because I have to mail away or pay full price. GRRRRRRRRRRR. Giant Eagle didn't have the shrimp I wanted. My kids continue to bicker the whole time I'm out. We come home and they turn hateful because they have to do their chores. The shrimp wasn't de-veined and so I had to stand there and do that nasty job. What did I pay $8.00 a pound for if I have to do all the work myself??? Then after Darren gets scolded yet again, behind my back I hear one of my new plates shattering on the ground. I look at him and he gives me the "gee mom, I don't know how that could've happened...it just slipped out of my hands" look. I ended up so mad and at the brink that I punched a cupboard and yelled "if there was one day that I could just run away, this would be it!!"
I feel bad that I let it get to me so bad. And writing it down is bringing me back into focus and reminding me just how petty some of the stuff was. Words definitely have a way of minimizing things don't they? They take all of the emotion out of what happened. You don't hear tone, see tears, feel exhaustion...they're just words. But in the moment....in the reality of those words...phewwww. I was at the brink. He knows right where to hit with those fiery darts, doesn't he?
All day long I kept thinking, "I should really spend some time in prayer...read my Bible a little bit." But I kept putting it off because there was so much to deal with in the moment. What I should've done was cover this in prayer IMMEDIATELY.
The word says to "take on the whole armour of God, that ye may be able to withstand...". It doesn't say that you already have it on. And it doesn't say that God puts it on for you. It says that it's available to you, but you have to take it on. Girting your loins with truth, having on the breastplate of righteousness, having your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace, taking the shield of faith wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked and taking on the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God. Because I didn't want to take a little bit of time today to prepare myself for battle, I got my butt kicked. A definite lesson for next time...and there will definitely be a next time. That's the path I choose. I am a Christian. I am so proud to be a Christian. I am priveleged and blessed as well. Although there are times that I walk closer than others, I never plan on leaving this path...it's who I am. I love the Lord...he is my true first love...because he first loved me. And like I always say, if you never meet the devil head on then you must be going in the same direction. So needless to say, I expect the fight...I just need to remember to prepare better for it next time. Go before me Lord.