6.29.2006

Life is good

I've gotten alot of messages asking where the heck I've disappeared to. Let me just start off by saying thank you to everyone for their interest and for their support of my blogs. It's definitely meant alot to me over the last year. So where have I gone? I guess I've just been living life. Living life and not just writing about it, that is. I've entered a bit of a more private phase in life lately. I think and after having ex's and ex's of ex's and current flames of ex's invading my space I've noticed myslef closing ranks and becoming more protective of me and mine. Don't get me wrong...my blog is public and I've consciously chosen that all along because I want to share and help...and I didn't mind any of those people reading my blogs at all, I was actually kind of flattered that they would...until a few of them decided to turn nasty one night that is. After that, and even a little before that, I withdrew even more.

This blog definitely has a place in my life, but it has been more of a means to an end. It's been a tool used for the journey and if you're constantly moving forward on the journey of life, you don't always need the same tools all the time. I'm at a pretty good place right now and am at peace with just living most of the time. Alot of the reason that I had so much to write about along the way is because I had all of this "stuff" pent up inside of me just dying to get out...and now it's out. I had a good case of bloggorhea and now I feel much better, thank you very much. lol But now it's back to living...and experiencing. Getting material for the next leg of the journey when God swings me into a more introspective mode when I need to process, analyze and then share. I have no doubt that will come...I'm an analyzer by nature. Always wanting to learn and grow.

So needless to say everything's good right now. I'm enjoying summer with my kids. Things are going wonderfully with Scott. More on that to come later...as I've said before, I find myself being so protective of my relationship with him and of Scott himself. I just want to tuck this beautiful thing away from the eyes, judgement, advice, etc. of the world. I'm so content that I don't want anything or anyone raining on my parade. If you're not happy for me then you're not invited to the party. He is such a beautiful soul. Not perfect...of course none of us are, but I see in him something so different than I've ever seen in anyone before. He has bits and pieces of people I've met along my journey that I've silently whispered to God, "Lord I want that part of this person in my man." Actually, I think as I met all those other people in my life, I was actually just remembering Scott from our younger days. Everyone always got subconsciously compared to him. I always considered him "the one that got away." Always in the back of my mind thinking...if I could just find him again. I'm really happy to say that he isn't much different than he was back then. He's been on quite a path and has made mistakes and had rough times, but (just like me) I think he's coming to a full-circle moment in his life...back to the more peaceful, happy person he was meant to be. The most important thing is that being in his presence makes me want to be a better person/woman/friend/christian/mother. My spirit is calmer with him. I'm at peace and I'm happy.

I'm still praying diligently and fervently for the Lord to direct my path, give me wisdom in all of my decisions, help me to be discerning, etc....please continue to pray for me! But for this moment in time...I am at rest. Everything is as it should be... God is good and so is life.

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