3.05.2006

Kicking the habit


I can't say that I've never smoked because I have. But I can hardly be considered a "smoker". I smoked for probably 5 or 6 months during my sophomore year in high school. I then quit cold turkey. Threw a new pack of cigarettes out of the car window and said the following silent but very sincere prayer..."Lord, please take the desire for these cigarettes away from me...and if I ever smoke again please strike me with cancer." YIKES! Oh the impulsiveness of the young!!! lol Now I'm going...whoa! Wait a minute there young'n....you don't have to act so rash! Let's think about this for a moment!" LOL But because of that prayer...and only because of that prayer...I've never smoked again. No matter how tempted over the years to try it again... even once. Nope. I thank God though that after smoking for a short while I got out of the smoking game as easily as I did. That's a habit that for many, many people grabs ahold of them and drags them down....even to death. Today I may not be a smoker....in fact I'm the biggest anti-smoker that I know, but that doesn't mean that I don't have addictions of my own.

Oh there are many....food, Folgers vanilla vibe instant coffee (which they have been slowly weaning out of the stores by the way!!!), computer, etc. I have a very addictive personality...I know it and I own it. This is one of the main reasons that I have never done drugs. Not because I am judgemental of anyone who has. Not because I am so dead-set against it. Just because I'm a huge chicken and am afraid of becoming addicted. I don't want to hear the old argument of "you can't get addicted to pot!!!"......oh bullcrap!! lol I can get addicted to ANYTHING.....if i like it enough, i want it ALL THE TIME! So because of all of that, no matter how curious I've been over the years I have never allowed myself to try drugs. Now I won't do it because it's not the responsible, right thing to do and I know that God doesn't allow me get away with anything! If I tried to smoke a joint not only would my conscience kill me, but something would happen and I'd end up getting drug tested the next day and lose my nursing license or something! LOL See, I'm learning! Stick to the narrow road.....yes Lord I'm getting it....slowly but surely.

Along with the killer sweet tooth that I have, there was a person in my life that I wouldn't categorize as an addiction....but he sure has been hard to get over. There's alot more to this story, especially recently, but since I know he sometimes reads this blog I'm going to limit what I say about it. What I am going to say is this.... sometimes love can be just like smoking. You can quit cold turkey. Never look back. You're an ex-smoker now. You don't even really want to smoke anymore. Except for occassionally when you catch the whiff from a nearby cigarette and it smells soooooo good. You're so glad you don't smoke anymore. It was unhealthy....it made you sick. But still, you had some good times with your cigarettes. The pilot light of memory flickers in your eyes and you wonder...what if? Just one time won't hurt me will it? Suddenly it hits you that no, you don't need it.....you don't even think you want it anymore. You're not in love with smoking anymore. You can't be in love with memories, dreams or possibilities. None of those things are reality. And then you walk out into the winter night and take a deep breath. Yeah, that's so much better. Fresh air. Fresh start. Clean lungs. Clean Conscience.

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