3.11.2006

Captured heart


Today was such a lovely day. I woke up early....which in and of itself is totally unusual for me, but.......... I HAD SOMEWHERE TO BE! ;) Last weekend my plans to see Tim fell through and were pushed back to today so I was SOOOOOO excited this morning. I felt like when I was a kid and waking up knowing we were going to Cedar Point that day. The thought of the roller coasters, french fries, games, souveniers......too exciting! And i guess it wasn't just me that felt that way either because he sent me a text message early this morning saying "I'm calling off work." LOL Joleen was great enough to watch Maddie and Amelia and the other two were invited to hang out at Fraziers house....so yeehaw! :)

Things are going so great here. Ordinarily, I'd be scared to death at this point. I'd be thinking "Oh my gosh....things are moving forward....getting serious....holy crap......OKAY SOMEONE GET ME OFF THIS RIDE BEFORE I GET HURT!!!" But for the first time in my whole life I don't feel that way (which in and of itself is totally scary for me). At first I kept thinking things were moving so fast....take it easy...slow and steady. But really, they haven't moved fast at all. When most people date if they let it evolve for five months before they get serious that's considered slow and smart. I think I was just trying to find any excuse to not admit that this could be really happening. Carl, Wende and I have a running joke about "IF YOU SCRRRRRRD, SAY YOU SCRRRRRD." Okay, I was scrrrrrrd! LOL So why the change? Because now we are just full-steam-ahead. I've been thinking about that alot.

It always amazes us how much we are alike. Seriously...it's almost eerie. But now it's really endearing...in a never had it before and I like it kind of way. We like the same food, MOST of the same music lol, etc. I'm the female version of him it seems...except for the fact that his stove is spotless and he has towels folded and in the linen closet and mine are usually in a basket in the living room. So like I said I've been thinkin about what finally convinced me to relax and just let it happen. I could feel myself giving in more and more of the time, but I think the first moment that I consciously felt a real shift inside was when he sent me flowers. First of all...I have never (even after two marriages) had a guy send me flowers. I know, to the rest of the world I'm sure it's not a huge deal...people get flowers every day right? Well, I don't. And I always in the back of my mind told myself that would be a huge hint to me about a guy worth investing in. :) But I have to say, it wasn't just the flowers themselves. It was the kind of flowers. I've never asked him if he did it on purpose, or just picked what was on the first page of the website because I don't want to be dissappointed! lol Ignorance can be bliss and I'm choosing to believe it was divine intervention. LOL He sent me a huge bouquet of beautiful red tulips. *SWOON* I hate roses. I really do. Big, fat, open cabbage-type roses maybe, but regular roses...... GAG, PUKE! Of course, if i got them I'd be thrilled because of the sentiment behind them, but I think I would feel like Carrie Bradshaw when she found an engagement ring in Aidan's bag....and it was horrible. She was questioning whether or not the relationship was right or not because if you have somebody that's really into you, wouldn't they know what ring was right for you. Her feeling was that a man on the verge of making that huge a commitment should at least know if his girl is a gold, silver or platinum, round, pear, princess or emerald cut type of girl. Well, the flowers got me. They were PERFECT....they are the ones I would've picked out myself and I couldn't have been happier. So I let my guard down....even just a little bit and I'm so glad I did.

The next sign for me was the night that I drove to Marion to meet him in person for the first time. I felt like I already knew him intimately after five months of talking to him. I had Carl in my face yelling "haven't you ever read the news??? PUBLIC PLACES ONLY!!!" lol And yes....normally he would be right, but this time I just knew. And what struck me was that when I was in his home I felt as comfortable as if I were in my own home. And i felt as comfortable with him in my "space" as I am when I'm alone. Wow.....I've never had that before. I've ALWAYS had some alarm bells going off about guys I've dated that I've ignored or tried to justify....but not this time. And since I've let my guard down it's been nothing but sweet. If I get my heart broken, that's okay...it's happened before and I'll be fine. But something's telling me I won't.

I fell asleep on his couch and am now sitting here in the dark typing this. He's upstairs asleep in his bed. I went up to check on him and to use the restroom when I woke up and just standing in the hall listening to his breathing while he sleeps made my heart swell. I might be making myself way too vulnerable by saying this out loud, but....... it feels like home. Sleep tight baby.

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