Random thoughts on hypocrisy

Everyone loves a success story.  They love to hear about the addict’s bottom and then their triumphant rise to sobriety.  No one wants to hear about the addict that keeps on using.  The person with heart disease who keeps eating Big Macs.  The person with emphysema who keeps on smoking. 
 I personally don’t know how to NOT evolve.  I’m hard-wired to constantly scan myself for internal imperfections so that they can be fixed.  I over-analyze and I am in a constant state of flux, with being a better person at the heart of it all.  If you’re in my life and you find yourself bored, it’s your own fault because there is ALWAYS something going on and changing here.  
So how do I reconcile that with the fact that I have allowed myself to live in a position of constantly doing the wrong thing…and letting it be okay with me?  How do I justify the knowledge that I have allowed myself to live in a position that screams hypocrite? It’s the drug counselor that shoots up after every meeting, the cobbler whose kids have no shoes, the probation officer whose kids are deviants…the Christian who is in love with a married man.  What kind of success story is that?  No one wants to hear that story.  I would never want to hear that story either.  And yet, here I am, wondering what good and inspirational story can be brought out of this beautiful mess.

♥ veronica