I wonder how this sugary donut will help me sleep?
Well, I made it through my first night shift in about a year-and-a-half. Oh how I love night shift! I mean L.O.V.E. The peace & quiet, no one in your business, no hall-monitors aka administration in your face and cramping your style. AHHHHHHHHHHH. But I have to admit that I did struggle just slightly because I'm not used to staying up so late anymore. And for the past week or so with depression as my closest companion lately, I've been going to bed really early. SOOO...I did struggle as little bit last night. But not NEARLY as bad as I thought I would. I thought that by three in the morning, I would be huddled under a blanket in a corner somewhere drooling all over myself. But nope. I survived. The biggest blessing of all is getting off at 6am. I'm used to getting off at 7:30 am. It sucks that I have to go in earlier, but getting off earlier ROCKS.
Now I'm home and I'm totally dehydrated and famished because my wonderful boss didn't think to mention that being a military hospital, they have NOTHING in the way of food or drink. Get this.... they don't even have COFFEE. I know, right?? What kind of hospital doesn't have coffee? Not even decaf. They don't have tea bags, juice, pop...nothing. Ok, they do have small cans of gingerale, but nothing else but water. So, I starved and sipped on some ice water all night. No fun. So by the end of the shift, I had already made a grocery list of crap to buy and take with me and as soon as I walked in the door, I poored a cup of diet coke (glad my mom left a little decaf diet coke behind so I can sleep!) and scarfed down a donut that was left over. Half-way through the donut I started praying that this sugar overload doesn't mess with me sleeping.
The only bad thing about coming home this morning is knowing that I have to go back in a mere ten freaking hours. *sigh* And then again the next day. Don't get me wrong, I'm totally grateful for this job and especially for the paycheck that will come with it, BUT I have never liked working three 12 1/2 hour shifts in a row. Call me a baby, I don't care. Another thing that last night taught me was that I really, really don't want to do bedside nursing forever. Seriously. I am SO over it. I have nothing left to prove. I know I'm a damn good nurse. I know I have skills. I've seen it, I've done it...and now I have nothing to prove. I want to ride quietly into the sunset with no code blues happening or crazy heart rhythms appearing on monitors and no alarms sounding. I don't like being SO accountable for every breath that I take while working. I want to do some simple paperwork and turn it in. Or I want to sell something to someone and call it a day. I don't want such HUGE and dire consequences hanging over every single action I take and every word that I chart. If I could just nurse my patients, it would be different. But nursing is SO much more than that these days and it's exhausting. I'm tired and I've had plenty of adrenaline and drama for one life. I seriously need to finish my degree so that I can move out of this area. But until then, I'm heading to bed so I can go dive into the drama head-first for at least the next few nights in a row. Wish me luck.