I always liked that best

"Where do I start?"....so goes the song that I love so much..."I always liked that best." I listen to it over and over again at times and it always gives me the same romantic, feeling full of wonder. I get a soft gazing look on my face and a smile in my eyes. It makes me think of all the sweet, sweet moments I've had in my life and the many loves I've had. At least a part of them. A hand, a kiss, a sigh, a grope. Laying there with only the light from the tv while watching movies. Footrubs, watching him cook and drink wine, while I lay there carelessly and patiently then listen to him thumb on a guitar that he was never confident enough to play except for now...around me. And it's so lovely. 2 people so in love and so relaxed. Nothing in the whole world but us tonight. slip in the bathtub behind me and wash my hair for me while singing softly in my ears. laying by the pool relaxing under a towel. hearing talks of margarita's and hawaii...maybe some viva la mexico fun. He's standing in the middle of the street to meet me. He's tall. I'm so nervous. spring breeze blowing through a curtain made from a sheet over our naked bodies. He's more shy...i'm enjoying the breeze against my naked flesh. Seeing him open my car door for me, standing together in the snow in the middle of an empty field. Making eye contact in drug mart, sitting on stools in the Lava Lounge drunk out of our minds but talking about philosophy and Jesus, how I looked like Marissa Tomei and how handsome he was in his suit and coat. Slow dancing in the kitchen to van morrison, laying on the couch watching shows on metaphysics, aim'ing till the sun came up sending songs back and forth..."oh that was great, but that was even better". Sweet, unexpected texts through the day...and the night. Love you Lola....Love you too Pepe... drinking wine on the back deck while he so impeccibly sorts the strands of my hair out onto the foils to give me the perfect highlights. Gentle faces and easy laughs. knocking water off the nightstand and as it splashes me in the face hearing him laugh so easily about it. Things were easy. They were sweet. Sweet first kisses while listening to soft rock at 3a.m. unassuming back rubs while sitting a little too close...should i lift the shirt or shouldn't i? walking through the zoo in the quiet snow. making love quietly and slowly for three hours on an air mattress on the floor. not even enough time for a hello before he swooped me into his arms and planted one on my lips that had been waiting for that very moment for over 20 years. kisses, bodies pressed, groping, lustful whispers into each others ears, lips on necks...falling onto each other on the bed and then climbing off again because we shouldn't. Souls colliding into each other. These are all parts of my visual when I hear this song... memories as sweet as tupelo honey. They aren't separate now, but one. One large love bundle of a memory inside of me to hold onto forever and recall whenever the muse speaks and moves. It's all me. We all have our own bundle.....this one's mine....what does yours look like?



"Mommy, I just lost ANOTHER tooth!" I heard Amelia shout from the back of the van.

"ANOTHER tooth??? You mean TWO???" I responded since just a few hours before on the same road trip she had already lost one.

"Yes!!! TWO!!! The tooth fairy has to come TWICE tonight!!!"

"You're gonna be rolling in the money lucky!" Maddie half-pouted. "I STILL haven't gotten money for my MOLAR that fell out yesterday!"

"It's only two teeth Maddie, it's not like I'm gonna be rich or anything! That's only like a DOLLAR."

"Yeah Maddie...how much do you think the tooth fairy actually pays these days???" I said.

"Yeah but she lost TWO of them in like FOUR HOURS!!!"

"What? Do you think she get a TIME BONUS or something???"

"Well, YEAH...and I should get more money too because it was MY FIRST MOLAR that fell out...I should get way more than normally since it was a molar and it was my first one!"

"Geez you little scheisters! I can't believe you're trying to bargain with the tooth fairy!!!"


The Girl Who

There is a blog that I have been reading for a long, long time now...it's called "The Girl Who". Actually, the name changes occasionally...but to me that's what it will always be.

It's about a woman that grew up Mormon out west, got married and moved to Brooklyn. Her husband is a member of the band "Marah" and frequently has to leave to go on tour (and p.s... I LOVE the way her husband indulges her, like always helping to take her pictures, etc...most husbands would've given up on that and gotten bored long ago!). Alot of people hate this blog for the very reasons that I love it so much... she is so raw and candid. She can be raunchy, racy...even crude. She has an innapropriate flair about her most of the time and.... reminds me so much of myself. The me that is actually in my head that is. As "out there" as I've been in my blogs (even though I've reigned it in considerably...) I still always find myself so filtered. Always considering what others will think of me... always afraid to color outside the lines too much. But not her...well, maybe she does I don't know... but I do know that what she actually puts out there is pretty raw... and it reminds me that I'm not unusual...it inspires me to be more authentic... or as she once said (and I can't find the exact quote, so I'm paraphrasing here) "hanging out my dirty laundry, bloody crotch stains and all..." I know that alot of people I know would be totally turned off by her writing... but I get it.


Vacation!...kind of

This weekend I FINALLY get something resembling a vacation!!! We still aren't able to go on our official, wonderful, tropical honeymoon...but we ARE going somewhere. Courtney's in Indiana with Maribel, Darren is staying here with his dad and we're taking the girls to my mom's house on Saturday. We're coloring eggs that night, the next morning the Easter Bunny will come, we'll have Easter dinner early and then......... WE'RE OUT OF THERE BABY!!! WOOT WOOT!!! lol

I reserved a couple of nights in Amish country at some cabins they had for rent. Each one has a big stone fireplace, a jacuzzi and kitchenette. Peace. Quiet. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. After that we're just playing it by ear and going where we want. And it really doesn't matter to me where...as long as I am responsiblity-free (or at least able to pretend I am) for the week. I want to pretend I have no bills, no arguments, no cleaning, no job........ you get the picture. And honestly, I think I'll be able to do this JUST FIIIIIIINE! My concern in with my husband. He SAYS he wants peace and quiet. He ACTS like he wants peace and quiet. The problem is how will he respond once he actually HAS peace and quiet? He's so hyperactive and A.D.D.-ish most of the time that he drives me crazy! God knows I love him! But sometimes I wish he could just chill out! So I really hope that this will be his opportunity...that it will be good for both of us. I just hope that after we've gotten settled, looked through all the cabinets, flipped all the switches to see what they do and how they work, used the jacuzzi, done-the-do and taken a nap that he's not sitting there going stir crazy for the next 36 hours because he's bored to death and itching for something to do. I know that will be the trigger for a downward spiral...because then I'll snap at him because he's driving me crazy and he'll snap back and then I'll spend my first "vacation" since 1997 arguing! *SIGH* I've been praying about it...and I'm having faith that it will turn out GREAT!!! :) This is going to be just the shot in the butt that we need. I can't wait, can't wait, can't wait! :)
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