9.01.2007

Ten (or more) things that I learned today.



*I LOVE finding favorite old cd's that I forgot even existed. I found my Julie Roberts cd tonight from a few years ago when I was going through a country kick. I put it in forgetting just what was on there and instantly melted back in time just as if in a time capsule. Which brings me to my next thing....

*Sometimes I really am grateful when I don't get my way. For example, this evening I was opening up a facebook account just to see what it's like over there. I was browsing through pages and pages and pages of people in this area and didn't find even one person that I knew. In the back of my mind I always have a small list of people that I know I would like to find. Most of them I really don't need to find. Curiosity doesn't need to kill this cat again. At least one of the songs I listened to tonight on my long-lost cd was a reminder of that. It was a sort of theme song for someone I knew a few years ago and even though it's always been bitter-sweet (as most relationship endings are), I'm so glad I'm not there anymore. Thank God for some unanswered prayers.

*I would rather be married and dealing with uncertainty and crap than dating and dealing with uncertainty and crap. At least now I feel that someone is working with me to be better and become more intimate.... vs. those committment-phobe players.

*A good church with all of the music, doctrine and community that I want is just as hard as a good spouse to find.

*I love days off.

*I need to take advantage of the loss of appetite that comes every week the few days after taking my chemo. lol

*I like myspace so much better than facebook. And I'm letting go of 360. The season of 360 is passed. I really feel it. Everyone I need is on myspace and no one is ever even on 360 anymore. It's time to move on I think.

*I LOVE my profile song no matter what anyone else thinks. lol I sometimes go to change it and just can't bring myself to do it. I love that song. I love Katie Melua. I love her Jazzy, bluesy, quirky voice. Love it.

*I really to LOVE my background too. My daughter absolutely HATES it. lol She says it's the "ugliest, most old-lady background" she's ever seen! I was instantly drawn to it. I couldn't figure out why for a while, but the more i think about it I think it's because it's reminiscent to me of the 30's and 40's. The color, the deco style. Yep, I think that's it. It's very romantic to me....and some people think I'm crazy but I don't care. :)

*Money goes way too fast...especially when you really need it for something else.
I LOVE fall weather. I really, really do. And I assume that I will re-write that sentence again every year for the rest of my life.

*I'm private and don't really like to be bothered much. I've seen some preaching on that lately and know it was aimed (at least a little) towards me. They wore a "DO NOT DISTURB" sign around their neck during the whole sermon and talked about how bad it is to be inaccessible to others and that our main goal should be to love and give and help. Today when Courtney talked about the fact that her boyfriend and his family are planning a whole vacation around northern Ohio (I know right? lol) so that they can come see Courtney, go to Cedar Point and meet her parents all I could think was "I hope they don't bother me too much. I don't feel like meeting them! ugggh". lol Ungracious, I know. But that's me. When I want to be social, I go be social. I don't like socialness forced on me. And I don't like bothered in my private spaces like home. I'm working on it. Or should I say God is working on me.

*Last but not least...I still cuss way too much. I do and I know it. I think it's such a filthy habit. I hate Scott's smoking but I can understand about the bad habit part because cussing is one of my drugs of choice. The way "quit touching my shit" or "shut the f**k up!" rolls off my tongue sometimes feels so pleasing. Or "that's so bad-ass!" Or "you're such a bitch" when talking to Carl. lol It's another thing I'm working on. And actually I've been doing pretty darn good.... but I kind of fell off the wagon today. Darren and Courtney were bickering ALL DAY LONG and drove me crazy and I ended up going off a few times. I'm human. I'm learning. It's hard letting go of an old lover. *sigh*

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