6.20.2007

What's new pussycat?

So many times throughout the day I get inspired to write about something and my mind starts racing with all the details and things I want to say....and then by the time I get around to sitting down to actually write...... *cricket, cricket*. Nothing. The mood has passed. The muse isn't moving anymore and I sit there and think to myself..... "bummer". So I'll just recap the basics of what's been going on lately.

We put the house up for sale Friday. Yes, Randy finally agreed to sell. But staying true to form....he is such a dog. When I had told him that we are selling the house....PERIOD, I also told him that we would have a to-do list to complete. He said, "make the list and we'll split it in half." I'm thinking "FINALLY!! He's finally going to do the right thing." Not. As soon as the papers were signed I told him I would make the list up for him and he said, "I don't want to make any promises...I just don't have the time." D-O-G. So I left him a note on the counter about HIS HALF of the utilities and misc. costs for fixing up the house...since he wasn't participating. What did he do? Tossed the note to the side and walked out. So the next morning I put the note directly under his keys. He took it with him, but I've never heard another word about it, nor have I seen a penny. It's moving way beyond note-time into confrontation-time and I plan to call an attorney this week. Ever the eternal optimist I keep thinking "if he would only do the right thing starting right now, I would forgive him for all the crap he's pulled and all the wrong he's done." Doesn't look like it's ever going to happen. A dog doesn't change it's fur I guess.

Scott has been busting his butt around here painting and repairing, etc. He didn't sleep for literally almost two days because he was so worked up about everything that needed done. Towards the end of his marathon work sprint Randy crawled his lazy butt out of bed and told Scott "I don't know how you do it! I hurt my back at work a little yesterday and just don't feel like doing anything!" Scott said he just stared at him. It's all paying off though. The house is looking pretty good. The problem with this house selling is actually getting people in the front door. I'm the first one to admit that this house has no curb appeal. It's just not a pretty house out front (and I'm in no financial position to fix it either). So we've done the best we can do and mulched the flowerbeds, planted the flowerboxes, etc. But it's like putting lipstick on a pig. It is what it is. But if people actually come IN THE HOUSE, it's a different story. The inside is great. And BIG. Nobody can ever believe how big the rooms are in this place. My bedroom is like 14' x 16.6' or something like that. I'm really going to miss my big bedroom.

I've been pretty depressed all-around about losing this house. I never really stuck that label on it until yesterday when after biting Scott's head off about packing my hairspray I started trying to figure out what was causing this funk I've been in the last few days. I think I'm just starting to mourn the loss of my first home. And it's the home I grew up in on top of that. Not liking that I don't know what's coming my way. Not responding well to the fact that everything in my comfort zone is looking so much different. We had to rent a storage locker to put alot of our stuff in to make it look more "roomy" in here. For someone who hates change as much as I do, I'm not handling it too well. On top of that I have Madelaine aka "little miss questions" in my face all the time with things like "What school will we be going to?", "Where will we live", "Will we still be here on my birthday?", etc. It just adds to the stress. And because of all the work going on around here and the stress, Scott and I feel kind of disconnected right now. Sex? ha! What's that? No date nights. No cuddle time. I just feel like I have another room-mate right now. I have enough room-mates. I need a partner. Ruth Bell Graham (who was an awesome woman...more on that another time!), the wife of Billy Graham died last week. I loved to listen to her talk...she has so much wit and personality. I was watching an interview with her on tv the other day and she was asked "What is the hardest thing about marriage?" And she responded "That it's so daily." Man did that ring true in my ears! It's a constant struggle to feed the beast. To get that perfect mixture of quality time, affection, communication, etc. Even on the days that you want left alone and the only response you can think of to anything that they have to say is "just shut up", you still have to be nice. You can't just go around speaking what you want to speak all the time. You have to think before you speak or act...all the time. And you find yourselves in constant competitions and score-keeping that are just so stupid. Like when I got up to go to the kitchen I touched his shoulder on the way past, but he didn't touch me when he walked past to go to the bathroom...is he mad? Does he have an attitude? Analyze, re-analyze. Who has more covers? Who ate the last of the chips or drank the last of the pop? You've hardly spent any time with me and most of your time on the computer. Oh yeah? Well, you slept too long after work and I had to cook dinner. It just never ends. IT'S SO DAILY. But it's nice too. It's not all bad. I'd rather have someone to be neurotic with than no one at all.

On another note, hopefully I'll know about my new job soon. It had to be posted for two weeks before she could give me the job (which will be this Friday). I will be more than devastated if I don't get it because I've basically already determined that it's mine. lol I'm craving it like a fiend! I have so much trouble even taking myself to my current job for one day, let alone three twelves a week. It's killing me...and my paycheck because I've been using my F.M.L.A. up like crazy and only have like two days left.

So that's it in a nutshell. It's a lovely summer evening right now. We got the girls a pool and have it set up on the back deck because we didn't want to ruin the grass or run the risk of having the dog pop it with his claws. So it's so awesome looking because we have this pool blown up on the back porch and Scott took all the inflatable palm trees from the luau a few years ago and blew them up and put them all around the pool....it's like a little paradise on our back porch. lol I'm gonna miss this house.

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