10.22.2006

What to do now???

I've been procrastinating blogging for a couple of weeks now because I had so much to talk about but I've been REALLY sick so just haven't felt like it. But I'm gonna drop a couple lines tonight so that everyone interested can say a couple of prayers for me. Tonight my car got repossessed!!! Well, I volunarily let it go back, but it doesn't look any different on your credit when it comes down to it. I have been toying with the idea for some time now and even spoke to some of you about my thoughts, but hadn't really made up my mind yet. Well, the decision was made tonight for me! What saddens me is that they had known my thoughts and I was very willing to work with them, but yet they didn't give me a heads up or anything....they just showed up and knocked on the door (at least they did that). He said "I've been trying to get it at your work all week, but could never find it there." I replied, "well I sure am glad that you didn't leave me stranded at work! It was better to let me know." I can't imagine. So anyways...I'm not upset at all about it...really I'm not. It's a HUGE relief and have been thinking about it for quite some time. I couldn't fit all of my family in it anymore and the payments were $500.00 every month plus insurance...just too much. But because they didn't let me come turn it in and just came and took it when they heard my thoughts...now I'm stranded. Enterprise is supposed to come in the morning to bring my rental car for a day or so. Being so sick and calling off the last several weeks has left me with NO extra cha-ching...so I don't know what I'm doing at this moment in time.

I have no doubt that it's all going to be fine. God knows I have to work. And I can always tell when it's the right thing because I have an overwhelming sense of peace about everything. Sometimes things will happen in my life and I'm just up-in-arms about them. Stressed, sick, angry, etc. But just like (and I hate to compare it) when the evil one went to jail...most people would've been falling apart at the seams but I had this amazing composure and peace that came over me...I just knew it was going to be ok.

So anyways...please continue to send good thoughts, prayers and energy my way. Pray for me and I'll pray for you. Thanks guys.

10.06.2006

Hell week, cont'd.

I hear Maddie & Emma out there playing. I hear Darren opening kitchen drawers. I hear Scott snoring quietly beside me during his afternoon nap. I know just by the sounds exactly what each member of my family is doing. As a mother you get very attuned to those kinds of things. I know that everyone is safe and being good...the only problem is that I can't hear Courtney. That's because she's not here. That's because what's become jokingly known as "hell week" here at home hit an all-time low last night.

Courtney was in one of her moods. Part of the hormonal haze that consumes her every month. It's a time when she is downright hateful. She spits acid out of her mouth, her look, her attitude. Last night she was already pushing buttons by snapping at everyone and bossing people around and when I said something to her about it, she started in on me. And so I sternly told her to get in the kitchen and do her chores that hadn't been done in two days she blatantly and defiantly responded with a very attitude-filled "no." as she laid back in the recliner. Here's a short sampling of what followed:

"Excuse me??? Did you just tell me 'NO'????"

"Yes! I have a headache and I'm not going to do crap!"

"Little girl you'd better get your butt out of that chair and get in that kitchen NOW." (as I turn off the tv she was watching.)

(Screaming...) "What did you turn that off for??? God I'm so SICK of you and this house! I AM NOT going to go in there and do those dishes! Why don't you pick on one of your OTHER kids and leave me alone!"

"GIRL YOU HAVE TILL THE COUNT OF THREE TO HAVE YOUR ASS OUT OF THAT CHAIR AND IN THAT KITCHEN! And then when you're done you can clean the living room too."

"Of course I can! Because you could care less about me! I'm so sick of this I want out of here so bad! I'm not doing any of it and you can ground me all you want."

"Fine, you're grounded for two weeks. And when you're done with all of this you can do the counters and table too (which are Maddie's chores)."

(Looking at me very coldly she quietly says) "Why don't you make it a month?"

"Fine, have it your way. You are grounded for four weeks from tomorrow...that will take us till November 3rd."

"I don't care. Ground me all you want. I'm still not doing what you ask! OH MY GOD!! I HATE YOU SO BAD!! I CAN'T WAIT TILL YOU MOVE! YOU TREAT ME SO UNFAIR. I HAVE NO ONE! DARREN HAS DAD, THE GIRLS HAVE YOU AND I HAVE NO ONE! I don't know WHO I'm going to choose to live with because you and Dad treat me the same. Except DAD DOESN'T TALK TO ME THE WAY YOU DO!"

"Oh, you think that's because he's better than me??? No! It's because YOU DON'T TALK TO HIM THE WAY YOU TALK TO ME! You try even once to talk to him this way and see how long before he yells at you!"

etc, etc, etc.

It ended up in a screaming match the likes of which haven't been seen in quite a while around here. Her screaming how she's leaving and hopes she never comes back. Me responding "you want out that bad you've got it!" Then me throwing on a pair of jeans under my nightgown and sobbing as I grabbed my keys and stormed out slamming the kitchen door so hard the whole house shook. I flew out of the driveway and sped away crying and screaming out loud about how dare her this and why do they have to be so ungrateful that.

I tried to call Allison from the car but got her voicemail. That's not the kind of message someone needs to get. A bunch of sobs and sniffs and undecipherable words. So I called Joleen. She hasn't heard from me in that state of mind for many years...so she knew it was bad. She made out what she could and said "I'm in my pajamas but I'll be there in twenty minutes. Have her pack her stuff, I'm taking her for the weekend.

So she came and picked her up. By the time she got there Courtney was in full-blown martyr mode. "I didn't do anything!" *sniff sniff* Joleen stood in my dining room and held me as I cried and prayed with me and for me. And then off they went and I haven't seen her since. We exchanged a few texts last night apologizing and saying I love you but nothing more than that.

Of all the parts of me, why did she have to inherit the stubborn, head-strong ones? I can remember being her age and feeling so defiant. Hell would overflow before I would give in! I understand her but I can't tolerate her. I feel like I'm doing so much damage. Lets hope that we all make it through intact. We've been through so much worse I know. One of the major differences now for me though is that I have a loving man who held me when I had no words to talk. And ministered to me in every way he knew how. That's an amazing thing to have...I've never had that before.

Speaking of men who came before...RANDY STILL DOESN'T KNOW ANY OF THIS HAPPENED! Because he didn't come home until the middle of the night last night and hasn't been home all day today on his day off. How can someone be so disconnected from their kids? Oh well, I digress. Maybe when Courtney is all better I can find someone to take Darren? A girl can dream can't she?

10.03.2006

Ya'll gonna make me lose my mind, up in here, up in here


A couple of you have already heard my B'GAWK!!! today about the ghetto un-fabulous woman who lives on the next street. For those of you who haven't heard yet...... A FOURTY-SOMETHING YEAR OLD WOMAN THREATED TO SHOOT MY CHILD TODAY!!!!! And of course you can all hear me in her face screaming.... OH HAAAAYYYYYLLLLLLL NOOOOOO!!!!
She claims that MADELAINE of all people called her an expletive and threatened to shoot her....when actually what was said was, "I'll be right back, I'm going to get a drink." But she claims that she heard "B****, I got a gun!" So she turns around to a group of 2 six year olds, 2 nine year olds and an 11 year old and starts cussing them out and threatening to shoot them and kill them in their "own front yard" with the gun she supposedly had in her purse!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Scott heard it first and was out the front door yelling "DID YOU JUST THREATEN MY CHILDREN WITH A GUN???????" When I heard that I was out that door and past him like a linebacker! Oh no she di-int!!! I could not believe the NERVE of her! And to claim that Maddie said it??? HAHAHAHAHA! Yeah right! But even if you truly believed that's what you heard, do you honestly think it's appropriate to cuss out and threaten to SHOOT AND KILL a group of small children?

To say I was beside myself with fury would be the understatement of the year! I turned into the ghetto queen tonight needless to say! lol I was wearing a little floral skirt and a little white eyelet shirt...feeling so feminine all day....and then I almost beat someone down and went to jail in it! lol
Scott actually taught me a lesson afterwards (as I am STILL fuming about this) when I asked him what he thought about all of it. He just quietly responded, "I said a prayer for her afterwards because she obviously doesn't know better...and she needs love." That kind of caught me off-guard. As I was talking to Joleen about it later I had to admit that there wasn't anything Christian about the way that I acted today. I doubt she'll ever listen to me witness to her! I need to learn and/or remember to do more praying BEFORE a situation like this.

Hell week of Oct/06

I'm finally starting to feel better! HALLELUJAH!!!!! We've all had some kind of cold/flu/bronchitis thing going on for a week now and it's been miserable. I called off work all week...which was wonderful...but I wish I didn't spend it sick. Other than that there isn't a whole lot new going on here...it's the beginning of "hell week". Courtney's hormones are so strong they're smacking me in the face from across the room! This is the one week every month that to say she acts like a big ol' biz-natch would be a huge understatement!!!! lol Pray for me or I might not be able to make it to my bachelorette party because I'll be in need of bail money! lol Today she kept calling my phone while I was sleeping saying she wanted to come home from school (because she woke up late and couldn't do her hair, so suddenly she was "sick"). After telling her NO numerous times and also in a text message I turned off my ringer. GUESS WHAT SHE HAD THE NERVE TO DO??? OH YES SHE DID GIRL!!! She told the school nurse that she couldn't get ahold of me and so she called Joleen (who's on her emergency card) and had Joleen come get her from school!!!! So I had to drive out to Joleens this afternoon to get my "sick" daughter! I was so irritated with her...and then she spends the evening having the nerve to actually say the word "NO" to me when I tell her to do her chores. Ooooooh child! She's ready to be beat down!

Other than that...not much else going on. Can't wait to see everyone this weekend and have some girl time. Don't want to back to work on Thursday. Or ever actually. But what else is new right? :)
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